Background- I’m 42, 2 DC, been divorced for almost 2 years.
Met a lovely, lovely man. 46, he’s been divorced for 10 years and has 3 older DC (22, 18’& 15). I can’t stress how well we get on- shared values, similar communication style, he’s attentive, messages multiple times a day, is thoughtful, goes out of his way to show me he cares, can show vulnerability and has always shared his DC 50:50 which is a non negotiable for me (if a man has children). On top of that there is a strong physical connection. Too good to be true?
My issue- and I’m completely open to being told I need to get a grip- he has a very close relationship with his ex-wife. VERY close. They divorced due to her having an affair. They see each other multiple times a week, he regularly carries out DIY, they have family meals, socialise together etc. Aside from his kids, her name is the name he mentions most. He has been very upfront and said previous GFs found this an issue and it has caused problems before.
Im stuck between a) acknowledging that if he’s a good father, emotionally intelligent etc then it stands to reason he’ll have a good relationship with her and b) wanting to protect myself in case
There are no other red flags. I think he’s wonderful and absolutely know I am falling in love but I’m also not wanting to sleepwalk into a minefield.
Any suggestions as to how I can bring this up and explain my feelings in a kind but constructive way?