To be thinking something so awful?

Fucking hell. If this is really, and I doubt it, you all need to grow the fuck up.

Really? If you cooked a lovely roast, he'd bin it? Well, your dad is an arse and deserves to be miserable, with that sort of nasty, ungrateful attitude, and I can understand why - given the option - your half-sisters choose to celebrate Christmas elsewhere! He can't be very fun to be around.

There are so many solutions to this. For instance, my parents are divorced, and I never spend Christmas Day with my father as he spends it with his second wife's family. Instead, we have Christmas lunch at his place one weekend in December that suits all my siblings and me. My mother never spends Christmas Day with my siblings, who go to their partners' family Christmases - instead she spends the day with me and mine, and sees my siblings on other days.

If your half-sisters are worn out on Boxing Day, then have your family lunch on Christmas Eve instead, or even the weekend before Christmas. Honestly, your father is being such a bruised testicle about it that it makes it seem as though he doesn't value you and your mum very much.

I'm afraid your dad has to take a lot of the blame here. He has had 40 years to come to terms with the fact that his ex is psychotic and to develop coping strategies. Instead, he's let the absence of his now adult children affect him so badly that the misery radiates to the whole family and the dinner gets thrown in the bin! That's a whole other level of childish.
It's sad that you don't see your nephew and DS in the day itself. But honestly Boxing Day sounds like a good compromise in the circumstances.

Do neither of your sisters have partners? What would happen if their in-laws insisted on having them for Christmas? Would your dad still sulk about that, or is it just them choosing their mum over him that he has a problem with?

Growing up my dd went to her dads every other Christmas.
this left her brother here with me and his dad.
we had a fantastic time
it’s one day.
all grown up now
of our 4 adult kids we rarely get them all together Christmas Day - they’re all doing their own thing
But we have a great time, with who ever turns up and love each others very much.
Your dad needs to get over himself.
Be glad he has 3 healthy children
This is 40 years of wasted bitterness.
As for the mother - kill herself ??
Batshit - I’d call her bluff the first time this happened- selfish.

Omfg. It’s just a day. We do our Christmas lunch a week before so both sides of the family can celebrate. Who cares what calendar day it is! We get two Christmases!

By you buying into all this drama, she's winning. The reality is your sisters choose to go to their mum's, so your dad needs to accept it (accept! Not agree with it) and recognise he has a responsibility to you and your mum to put a brave face on. No more microwave dinners- go out somewhere nice for xmas lunch. Make your own traditions, don't all sit at home moping and letting her win. That's just choosing victimhood.

Agree with this. Dh and I are going to our twin baby boys grave tomorrow like we always have the past two years on Christmas Eve since our twins died..

I know split families are hard but he has three healthy children and a grandchild who can see 364 days of the year if he wants to. I'd do anything to see my baby sons again even if it was for a minute. Dont wish someone ill like you have, even if you are being silly, life can change so quickly.

Split families always have to navigate these things at Christmas. When I haven’t had my children on Christmas Day I just mentally made Boxing Day our “real” Christmas day.

My children grew up with two Christmas Days most years, one with me and one with their dad. Two days of presents and two Christmas Dinners. They loved it!

I’m not defending his ex wife- they should have stayed together because they absolutely deserve each other. The poor op having years and years of this shit from her dad who never thought she or her mum were enough to count as a celebration, and she’s absorbed this bullshit so much she blames the ex wife. I’m only surprised her mum is still with her dad, instead of telling him to take his miserable grinch face and get the fuck out of her house because it’s fucking Christmas and I’m making a fucking roast, you miserable fucking sod.

Ah and here we have it, your dad makes your Christmas shit every year. I’m sorry he’s not good at being a dad to you or a husband ri your mum. If I were you I’d tell him you make Christmas every year shit because your other two children don’t come, I’m not coming either if you cannot be arsed having a decent Christmas meal because it’s just me and mum. Mum, I’ll host and we will have roast and gravy and trimmings and go for a walk and watch movies and grumpy old fart who thinks we don’t count can stay here and marinate in his misery. We will come back for Boxing Day, all rested and merry.

this is what you should do op, learn from your dad and don’t be like him- don’t let him continue to spoil Christmas, and always remember some things are in your power to change and some aren’t, and concentrate on the ones that are, here there are lots. You don’t have to be there Christmas Day, you don’t have to accept his misery, you absolutely definitely can have a roast and moany grinch cannot stop you, make your mum and you happy and have an amazing Christmas.

That's just mad. There is no reason why your sisters have to be there to make it a celebration. When we were first married and a long way from both sets of in-laws, we had some lovely celebratory Christmas Days with just the two of us - and our respective families also managed to enjoy themselves. You should aim to have a proper Christmas appeal with lots of wine, preceded by Bucks' Fizz first thing in the morning to get you in the mood, and lots of silly games or a nice Christmas walk, or whatever you enjoy doing. It really sounds like it would help your father to shake him out of his somewhat unnecessary misery.

This is ridiculous. We always used to go to my dad’s side on Boxing Day. It was Christmas - nobody whined or was grumpy and hungover and we saw lots of cousins and nobody went this is fucking shit and the kids are a pain- we were no more of a pain than we were on Christmas Day.

Then do the big get together on Christmas Eve, so that the ex gets the tired version.

The thing is, if she's that invested in seeing them she clearly isn't going to put any of her threats into effect. They should call her bluff.

He should do better than that, you’re his child too and it’s one day. He should do so much better than that for you and his wife, and accept things that are out of his control .

With every respect to your dad, he does seem to be over-investing in insisting that he must see his daughters and grandchildren on Christmas Day and that, no matter how much effort the rest of the family makes, he is going to hate it all and be miserable. Is waiting one day really so awful that it ruins the entire day? So many parents cannot see all their families on Christmas Day for various reasons - they live too far away, someone is working, someone can't drive, etc etc. Being guaranteed to see them on Boxing Day would feel like a pretty good deal to those parents.

I don’t see why it matters if you celebrate on Boxing Day? You’re still all getting together, just a day later. That’s when my family celebrate Christmas as it just works out easier for ex’s, DP to see his DC etc. I just reframe it in my mind that the 26th is the big day. No big deal. I think your DDad being miserable is the problem and really there’s no need for him to be if he changes his mindset.

At this point in most parents lives, they don't get to see their adult kids every Christmas Day. Some will hardly ever see them for the main event.
Their kids are likely to have partners who have parents who want to see them, too. Or they may well have children who they want to be at home with. Or they might have moved away, or have jobs where they have to work on the day

I love my kids, and they seem to like me too. But last year I was alone on Christmas Day. This year I only have one daughter and her partner visiting on Christmas Day. The other DD and her DH and my grandkids will be here on Boxing Day, as they'd like to be at home on Christmas Day. Last year she was working (she's a nurse) so our Christmas Day was on Boxing Day.

I get that the reason why he doesn't see his other DDs makes it extra upsetting, and the ex does sound awful, but he simply can't just sit there spoiling your day.

Head over to the 'doing an Emma Thompson' thread, to see how brave and stoical some women are having to be this Christmas.

ETA that I now see that I'm not the only one recommending that thread. It really does put things in perspective

Another ETA I say, jeeze, he gets to see them on Boxing Day! And again, you both do nothing but whinge that it's not good enough, when many parents of adults would be thrilled to see their kids for just Boxing Day.

Your dad is really not the innocent victim you’re making him out to be, he’s ruining it for himself at this point choosing to mope around and refusing to do anything and making it shit for you and your mum.

that said, I can’t believe anyone is defending his ex wife! There is no reason for her daughters to spend every Christmas Day ever with her. Of course someone should stand up to her. If someone tried to emotionally blackmail or threaten me into seeing them at Christmas by saying they’d kill themselves my response would be “oh well. You better get on with it then!” And I simply would not see them again, probably ever. Yes, even if it was my mother.

It's all just so dramatic. Firstly your sisters are adults so they can still say no to her even if she's making these insane demands. Then your dad being so dramatic that he ruins Christmas, and yes, wanting her to die over is is really unreasonable.

I have tried not to say this, and I hope it doesn't upset you too much - but then you probably won't agree with me anyway, so I should probably stop worrying about it anyway! Anyway, to get to my point, my viewpoint of this situation is that it is your Dad's fault that your Christmas Days have been ruined, not his first wife's. What on earth is, and was, an adult father doing in indulging/letting himself be noticeably upset on Christmas Day, every year, for 40 of years?!? He is completely pathetic, and weak, and indulgent, and performative to behave like that, and ruin all of his 3rd daughter's Christmases in such a selfish manner.

In fact, his behaviour is so performative that it leaves me doubting that he actually cares very much about any of his daughters. His selfishness as an adult in ruining his second family's Christmases is actually practically unbelievable, or at least it should be!

There is another thread trending at the moment, which mentions Emma Thompson in it's headline. Please read, even the first two pages, of that thread @iamsoashamedofmyself All those mothers who are putting on brave - and far too often - incredibly brave faces, so that their families, particularly, of course, their dear children, can have a wonderful and magical Christmas, just shows that the thing you should be most ashamed of, is your father's behaviour over all these years, but especially when you were only a child yourself.

However, you appear to have been a fully fledged adult for a long time now OP - unless of course your Mum and dad had you very late, which I will assume for now is not the case - so please don't let your father influence you to such an extent, that his annual 'performance' becomes something that you either share, or take over the responsibility of, by appearing to join him in making sure that Christmas Day is always miserable for those around you.

I think that one of the best things you, and your dear - probably long suffering -Mum, if she is - hopefully -still around, can do, is to celebrate Christmas without your Dad at all. If it is too late to do that this year, then tell him later on today what his behaviour looks like to people outside of his immediate 2nd family, and see what his reaction to that is. I don't know what rose to say to try to convince you to at least consider what I have said here, so I will just finish by hoping that you can have at least, a Happy Christmas.

Your dad sounds sulky and presumably your sisters are ok with seeing their mum Xmas day. I don’t know how old you are but you all sound like you are making Christmas horrendous. I would be incredibly insulted if your Dad was unhappy he just has you Xmas day and none of you make an effort. What about your mum? Can you move things around so you see your sisters Xmas Eve instead so they are not all hungover and tired?

You’re being ridiculous. Just cook properly and enjoy the day. It sounds like your half sisters aren’t bothered about spending Christmas Day with you. And it really doesn’t matter, you can be together on Boxing Day.