To be thinking something so awful?

Your sisters are grown adults now. It’s no good blaming their mum. If they wanted to spend Christmas Day with you and your dad, then they would. Their relationship with your dad is going to be very different than yours. Perhaps they just don’t have that intensity of feeling for him as you do?

They have their way of doing Christmas and they’re obviously happy with that. And what about their husbands/partners? Perhaps they hate not spending the day with their families? Perhaps they’d like to shut the door on the lot of you and just stay at home? Perhaps they’re picking up on your dad’s wish to spend Christmas with them and they’re feeling pressured because they don’t really want to?

Also, ‘horrendous’? If it’s your dad moping about, then perhaps you would have a better Christmas if you didn’t see him until Boxing Day either. It might him appreciate the family who do want to spend Christmas Day with him.

Change it up a bit. A ready roast is never going to appeal the day after Christmas dinner. Give the nephew a couple of paracetamol and some orange juice. That might make them feel a bit more enthusiastic about it.

You sound utterly ridiculous OP. Yes you and your dad are being unreasonable.

Let me guess he ran off with your mum…

What about having your christmas get together on christmas eve?

He sounds awful. He's spent a lifetime telling you all his problems are down to her and yet her daughters would rather be with their mother.

Even if it does make him desperately sad, what kind of father makes Christmas miserable for the daughter (and wife) who is present?

I agree with the new years idea. Could you all gather new years, maybe have small gifts and a board game. Make a new tradition for your nephew.
I do think he needs to give his head a wobble as many families out there who can't see each other at all. Let their mum have christmas and he have NY

It doesn't matter - he should still be grown up enough not to sit there with a face like a smacked arse.

Or do you and his wife not matter enough for him to do that?

I've been married for 25 years and have 3 lovely adult sons.

I do not hate men.

I hate selfish nasty men, particularly one who would gladly ruin his daughter's Christmas by being a miserable git and would actually throw his roast dinner in the bin if you cooked it.

And have you ever actually heard her saying she'll slit her wrists, or is that what your sisters have told you is the reason they don't want to be with their dad on Christmas day?

He could have taken her to court years ago.

Perhaps another way of looking at this is that your dad chose to have two children with this woman, so from that moment onwards he has to be responsible for that choice. He chose to have her in his life for as long as his eldest children are alive. He’s brought this onto himself. It’s also really quite pathetic to have let a situation persist for 40 YEARS and not to have been able to do something about it. I mean, come on. It’s not like there are unfortunate and irresolvable issues at play. He just can’t handle a woman trying to emotionally manipulate him. And his two eldest daughters are no better (so much so you’d think that at least one of them would have the support of her DH to back out at least one year and spend Christmas with her dad….makes you wonder whether they actually want to).

Are you sure this isn’t just your dad being miserable, guilty, a bit useless and taking it out on you and your mum? Honestly, he sounds pretty lame

Honestly OP this is just self serving misery and you need to snap out of it and stop moping. Your dad gets to see all his kids and grandkids together on 26th every year so that is your main Christmas Day. If you don’t like them being hungover, do it on 24th instead.

My brother’s sons always spend Christmas Day with their mum and Boxing Day with their dad (my brother) and my brother isn’t breaking his heart or not enjoying Christmas, or claiming that he never sees them “at Christmas”. But he’s a glass half full sort of guy.

But he chose to have children with two different women so his situation isn't as simple as a nuclear family sitting down to eat.

Just because she's problematic, doesn't mean your dad isn't also contributing to this shit show.

I'm sorry OP, but I find your reaction disproportionate to say the least.
You are heart broken by colleagues discussing their plans, and would like a woman to die so you could have 'one good Christmas'? By which you mean, your father having dinner with his three daughters on 25th December?
If you are an adult, your father has had two decades to firstly get a fair contact arrangement when his DDs were children, and now they are adults, invite them to his home. They are grown women, and if they refuse, that's entirely their decision. As is whether they arrange their day so your dad sees his GC.
If I were you, I'd be speaking to your sisters if it means so much to you, because they could easily give your dad his turn if they chose.

See that's where you are wrong. Having his DD and his wife there on Xmas day should be enough and then seeing the rest of them the next day should also be enough. A lot of people don't even have that.

I think you've bought into some dysfunctional thinking and I think it is a slight on you (sorry) but mainly due to his attitude and not anything you've done.

You both should be enough to at least stop him sulking on Christmas day and not spoil it for you both. But deep down he isn't seeing it that way.

The Christmas “magic” is not Santa? It’s the spirit of giving and kindness. You don’t grow out of that.

In afraid you are going to have to reframe your Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Instead of having a do over when everyone is tired. Have a buffet and some games. Make it much more relaxed and something everyone desperately wants to be at.

And on Christmas Day you and your Dad should go to Disney land. You’d have a great day! Distraction is your friend here for Christmas Day! Keep busy!

Then he needs to pull his head out of his arse and spend time with his daughters on another day, instead of letting his ex ruin 40 years of Christmas Days for him.

Honestly, it's all a bit pathetic.

Are you the dad?