Shocked at uni drug culture

What year is she in? I'm struggling to see how any one can get themselves into a situation like this when ALL universities have quiet flats, non alcohol flats etc in first year halls, as well as accomodation offices, and you can live with who you want/have things in common with in subsequent years.

University in general does have a massive party culture, if course, was ever thus, but they also have multiple options for all kinds of different people, that's kind of the point. It is in now way EVERYONE who takes drugs at university or even drinks.

That said, I think some universities have a much bigger party/alcohol/drug scene than others (is she at Leeds?). Even still, it should be perfectly possible to speak to the housing officers in first year and live with like minded people, or choose like minded people for subsequent years.

My son is in third year at a RG and drinks a bit, but not heavily, and is v anti drugs and into fitness and it's never been a problem.

Absolutely. Nothing more boring than some Coked up jabbering moron. I ended up leaving uni because I couldn't cope with my housemates. In hindsight I was very naive and not really ready to leave home. I thought everyone else was far more 'worldly ' but they were mostly off their faces. I started again after a year out and loved it and didnt see many drug takers- and that was in the 90's

OP when we have been visiting units a lot said c they have quiet halls. Can your DD enquire about this?

She can ask them to calm it down a bit as she shares a home. I don’t know if she really wants to go down the route of getting all her flatmates kicked out / arrested. Seems an extreme and a recipe for disaster unless she also wants to leave uni.

Drugs were everywhere when I was at uni (2010ish). It was quite useful - I tried most things in moderation, with friends, and as soon as I finished uni it all stopped and we grew up. We were safe and looked after each other, I know that’s not always the case. I wouldn’t dream of doing any now! But I know lots of people my age (mid 30s) who go out every weekend and get plastered on drugs, spending stupid amounts of money… I’m glad I did it and got over it when I was young and childless! I feel like that’s much more appropriate.
You could see if you daughter could switch rooms, but reporting it would be fairly pointless - it’s everywhere in any uni. It sounds like she’s made the wrong group of friends? Not everybody is so ‘hardcore’ with parties and drugs, she just needs to find her people!

What do you want to happen?

Your DD can report.
Your DD can ask to move.
Your DD can stay put.

There is no point focusing on being shocked, it won't change anything.

She might need to move accommodation. There are druggie halls at some unis where most of the parties are.

I’m afraid that’s the way it is, going to a Russell Group uni is irrelevant, my son also went to one and that is just the culture as it was in my day late 80s/early 90s. Your daughter sounds sensible and not easily swayed, she should ask if she can move accommodation and make sure next year she shares with likeminded peers.

It is truly shocking.
All she can do is socialise more with tbose who don't use.
It is possible.
But it can be intimidating with new friends and housemates.

Yup.

It sounds like she needs to chat to student welfare about needing a quieter group, hopefully they can support her to talk to student accommodation to make a move

Also is it normal that they go to parties/out drinking heavily 5/6 times a week?

Yes, it's normal. That's not to say that every student does that - of course they don't - but it's well within the normal range of student behaviour. There will be groups of students who don't do this at all, and groups who do. Both are normal.

It sounds as if she's living with people she's not especially compatible with. If they're in halls and these were just the flat mates she was allocated, that's unfortunate, but you say she's living with other people instead next year so presumably they're people she's more compatible with.

I would also say that if this is her first term at uni, it's possible things might settle down a bit over the rest of the year. The first term is when everyone's finding their feet and going wild because they've suddenly got a bit of freedom after being overprotected by middle-class helicopter parents throughout their teens and things usually do ease off a bit after that.

I went to an RG in a druggy city but none of my friends were into it so while it's common, it's not uniquitous and there are plenty of people who don't use. Sounds like she needs move out and find people who are more her crowd, they definitely do exist.

Does she go to Bristol?

It’s cheaper than alcohol apparently. People who are saying there were drugs when we were at university in the 90s are missing the point. Drug use is much more widespread now. Lots of students will opt for drugs over alcohol for cost reasons. That was not the case in the 90s.

It’s also much more normalised now. My department sent a student who was on a field trip abroad back home because they were having drugs delivered to the accommodation they were sharing with other students, and those students weren’t happy about drug dealers turning up at their flat. Apparently (according to both the drug-ordering student’s parents and the university) we were totally wrong to do this as taking drugs is normal, even though it was very much illegal in the foreign country the students were in at the time.

I’d like to know what the relationship is between the mental health crisis we’re seeing in students and their drug use, because it seems to me - as someone who works in a student-facing role - that this is very much the elephant in the room.

My friend's DD is at one of the unis in Brighton. She is in first year and the partying was expected - most weekends and some weeknights. But running out of money helps to temper such all nighters!

One of their dorm mates smokes weed and has a dealer who visits which my friend is not happy about. Her DD says she has tried it but isn't particularly invested (may be a fib but she is a sensible girl achieving her grades with a job alongside her study).

If this is first term/year it may calm down a bit. But if the DD finds it a bit much she can ask to swap to somewhere else if a better option is available.

Wasn’t like that at my uni 2013-17. The only people doing that were the football team and they were all wankers.

People who don’t take drugs are boring. Bloody hell.

The most boring people I’ve met in my adult life have been the drugs/heavy drinking people.

But I didn’t live on my own. I had lots of friends. Drugs were not “everywhere” and I think a lot of people I knew felt as anti drugs as I did.

Totally normal at uni for some people to be out every night. I can think of half a dozen people from my halls/ circle who would go out literally EVERY night.

I went out anywhere from 0 to 5 nights a week, depending on time of year, finances, how sociable I was feeling…

Drugs were also pretty common, and were from about 16 onwards. Mostly weed and ketamine, but obviously anything/everything goes at that age. MDMA and Coke tended to be for special occasions….

I didn’t really bother with drugs as had a precarious grip on my mental health, and was very aware of that from about 15- didn’t want to tip myself over the edge. We were ALL drinking extraordinary amounts though. I look back and am slightly amazed we’re not all dead.

So all of this sounds totally normal- but if your DD is finding it tiresome/ disruptive, she needs to decide if it’s bothering her ENOUGH that she wants to find a new circle / new halls etc. From memory- and this is the distant past- she might find accommodation with international students or more postgrads a bit quieter (my friends certainly did), but that will come with its own challenges.

((also went to an RG uni 😉))

It won't be everyone and everywhere, it just seems that way to her because its in her flat. I'm going to assume she's first year in halls so has just been thrown with some randoms. I think some can go a bit wild, especially first year, first term. But she needs to find her own friends who enjoy the pace she does and then hang out with them more. If she's finding it unbearable, she could see if she could move halls maybe? Do any of her friends have a space in their house/halls or know of anyone who's left?

DD2 had a similar experience. Her flat was the ecstacy flat, upstairs was the coke flat. It was constant. She didnt enjoy her first year flat. Her flatmates were on a constant bender. It made them deeply unpleasant, didnt clean, stole food, used DD's cutlery etc then put it back without washing it (DD didnt realise initially).

Funnily enough her druggy flatmates didnt make it to the second year of their courses.

Students are sold the idea that their first year flat will be amazing and they will make lots of friends. Some do, some dont.

She should approach uni and ask for a transfer. She can say she really doesn't fit in and would like a quieter flat. They will try to help her to avoid her dropping out.

You really are. You'd have ended up living on your own if you'd carried on like that. Ick.

No, they weren't.