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No contact - I think it’s time

32 replies

pilsner · 23/12/2025 16:43

My mother has made my life absolute hell. Since being a child - but now I’m an adult and I’m not fully in her “control” it’s awful.

she goes in huffs with me, ignores me for months and says it’s in my head, every significant life event, think graduation, marriage, child birth etc she stops talking to me. I lost a child at 22 weeks - my next child I was terrified of losing in pregnancy and needed her, she shut me out and when I called her breaking my heart she would say “my signal is bad” and hang up. She then weasels her way back in because I’m so desperate for my mum to like me. She tries to financially worm her way in by treating me to lunches or helping with childcare and I think “this is it, she’s changed!” and then throws it in my face that I am ungrateful and “take” if I dare disagree with an opinion of hers.

i am convinced my dad is scared of her.

she’s ignored me all week when I’ve asked when we can exchange Xmas gifts (because I’m no longer invited on Christmas Eve which has always been tradition). Then randomly texted my today saying she would come to my house for 3. I changed my plans. Called her at 2 to say I was passing hers going home - should I just pop in. All hell broke loose “I’m at yours now and you’re not here… I have things to do I can’t and won’t wait” (it would take me 10 mins to get home. Husband was in and his car on the drive she didn’t knock and go in. Spoke to me like shit and will probably now ignore me for the next month. Left kids gifts and called back to say she wouldn’t leave mine (fine)

I can’t continue this cycle of shit.

OP posts:
StabbyCat · 23/12/2025 16:49

Ditch the bitch.

Thirstygherkin · 23/12/2025 16:49

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Cherrysoup · 23/12/2025 16:48

I feel your pain and have never cut contact due to not wanting to lose my dad, who never stood up to her. You can minimise contact and strengthen your boundaries, no tolerating her nonsense, but you will risk her refusing to speak to you and your dad backing her up. I had so many ‘not speaking’ incidents over the years but now I tell her straight and won’t put up with her shit.

Why on earth wouldn’t she just knock on the door when your DH’s car was there?!

Thirstygherkin · 23/12/2025 16:48

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DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 23/12/2025 16:48

Go no contact. The relief you'll feel will be enormous.

I understand your concerns about your dad, but he is also an adult and has to make his own decisions. He has to decide whether his fear of her or loyalty to her is greater than his commitment to you - and, as painful as it is, if he chooses her then you have your answer.

Do not maintain contact with someone who deliberately manufactures situations and opportunities to hurt you, for the sake of someone who won't defend you from them.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/12/2025 16:47

she won’t change. You deserve better. Your dad is letting her abuse you.

pilsner · 23/12/2025 16:44

i am scared that cutting her off will also cut my dad out. But he INFURIATES me for not standing up for us / himself / against her

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