To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

I have my Christmas dinner early so that would not be an issue. Expecting to be picked up would. Her choice to go out therefore her responsibility to travel back safely.

Sounds like she's slinking off with a boyfriend.

Hope you get some clarity but don't spend your day waiting on her to contact you for a lift when she wants it.

OP could try the @Iloveyoubut / daughter approach herself next year. She could announce a few days before the big day:

"Sorry, daughter, but we won't be spending Christmas with you this year. Your behaviour last year inspired us to YOLO and Mummy and Daddy have now booked ourselves a nice holiday in the sun somewhere. You obviously don't need to know where we're going or when we'll be back. Don't wait up. " .

now that bit absolutely is within your sphere of control. You just say no.

I feel for you. Your DD is clearly not being honest about her plans for the day and is being selfish. Your DH is also being selfish, offering your driving services so he can enjoy a Christmas drink. There is probably nothing you can do about your DD (other than to tell her you’re upset about it), but you should definitely put your foot down with DH and make it plain from early morning onwards that you will not drive and plan to have a nice drink yourself.

Nope, this wouldnt happen in our house. The DCs are that age and wld go out xmas eve but thats it. DS2 often pops to his friends for a couple of hours but thats worked around whatever we are doing.

You can't prevent your DD going out and you can't dictate how she gets there or who she goes with. If you want more information from her you need to explain your concerns, other than "I'm not happy". You can probably phone the club later today to confirm opening times. I don't think your DH should offer you to pick her up. You can offer if you want to, then you can guarantee she gets home safely.

My experience of being an adult is that you spend rather more time, not less, considering the views of other people and compromising accordingly.

The “what I want is what I get” attitude isn’t adult at all.

I’m sorry, but if her mother (like most other people’s parents) has spent most of December planning a family meal, organising the food, buying and wrapping gifts, etc etc - the bare minimum expectation is that she stays at home and eat it.

Being an official adult is absolutely no reason to be ungrateful and rude.

This is so relatable @HaveYouFedTheFish

We are heading to my parents’ place for three nights today. In DC’s stockings are matching onesies they asked for. They are both primary age. My parents are obsessed with being dressed up for Xmas day. I’m determined to calmly but quietly hold my ground and let the children wear what they want - and I suspect they’ll pick the onesies.

If your end game is that you DD doesnt want to spend any time with you, and you become the subject of threads on mn and therapist chats - crack on and keep acting like this.

SHE WANTS TO DO WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO ON CHRISTMAS DAY

Absolutely agree.

OP, the only real problem - other than your absolute prick of a DH telling you want to do on your Christmas Day - is that she won’t tell you who she’s going with which probably means she’s meeting a partner she’s not ready to tell you about.

A partner that she wants to see on Xmas Day is someone should be someone you also know. So what’s going on here? Is she feeling she’s having to keep stuff quiet because you’re extending too little freedom in general?

I agree with you, OP. Just because she’s just turned 18, there’s not a complete switch to “you’re an adult, do whatever you like” overnight, as people seem to suggest on here. Some days are special and I expect my children to plan around that. It’s not hard. There are 364 other days to go clubbing.

@HopSpringsEternalThe Brasshouse in Dunfermline.
I understand that you were trying to be a smart arse and to prove yourself correct that clubs don’t open on Christmas Day but why on earth would I post something that wasn’t true??
Hope your DS enjoys his Christmas Day travelling to a club miles away from him home just to prove some random on the internet wasn’t making shit up

There are also some extraordinarily selfish on this thread. As long as they get to do what they want, the rest of the world should suck it up.

Your daughter is showing how immature she is by behaving as she is.

A proper ‘adult’ would be willing to explain plans, book taxis and have some consideration for her family. 2pm is ludicrous.

She’s selfish.

It’s clear where she got it from though as your husband’s expectation that you drive is indefensible. If he’s happy for her to go he picks her up. If that means he can’t drink, tough.

Their choices have consequences for them.

Its absolutely fine for you to not want her to do it as long as you understand that doesn't actually mean she can't. She's an adult and should be entitled to enjoy christmas in whatever way she wants to.

Can't you have Christmas dinner at lunchtime so you can be together for that?

I serve at 1pm anyway - I always hated the mid afternoon big meal (though partly because we weren't allowed to eat anything at all after a croissant for breakfast). The hanging around vaguely "helping" with something I'd rather have taken over and done efficiently, but wasn't allowed to, and getting snapped at was oppressive.

I'd suggest that there is a boyfriend that she doesn't want you to know about for some reason & she'd off to spend time with him.

I'd be well pissed off at my partner offering me to act as taxi on Christmas day (or any other day) without consulting me & id make it 100% clear that I'd be having whatever I want to drink & it's on him to be taxi driver.

YABU.

This. Forced togetherness creates resentment - I wasn't disappointed when school term dates in the country I moved to when my children were young, combined with my work patterns, meant it was all but impossible to travel to spend Christmas with my family of origin, where everything was about duty and performing Christmas the way it "should" look according to a vague, apparently ever watching "they" (and this was long before social media)...

My mum used to walk into lockins at the village pub to insist we get in the car and go to midnight mass, expect us at breakfast at 8am and at 9am church (again) and had an hour by hour plan for what everyone should be doing throughout the day - all together at all times.

When the film 'The Truman Show' came out, I thought that my mum must subconsciously have believed she's the main character of that film, all her adult life...

You are going to have to trust the fact you’ve taught her enough growing up to keep herself safe. She won’t know what time she wants to come home so I’m not surprised she doesn’t want to pre book a taxi. She won’t tell you anything because you are interrogating her.

You are going to have to let go or you’ll continue alienating her and push her away even further. It’s hard to let go of your child but you’ve got to.

I don’t think anyone relying on AI-generated answers can conclude one way or the other whether it’s open or closed, this is not the kind of answer AI is very good at (someone else has produced an AI answer that it is open).

Either way, the DD is planning go somewhere and isnt denying the possibility of needing a taxi/lift.

Thinking about everyone includes recognising that your actions have an impact on others - so the DD needs to recognise that choosing to skip Christmas dinner effects her parents and siblings who would perhaps for the first time not have the whole family together for Christmas Day. And that the fact she’d be choosing to miss it in favour of some vague last-minute “clubbing” plan sends a message.

I appreciate that navigating the change from an adult-child relationship to an adult-adult one is tricky. But I don’t think a healthy adult-adult relationship involves one person unilaterally declaring they are skipping a family occasion for a vague unspecified plan, any more than it involves one person being able to dictate what the other must do.

I think a healthy adult conversation about this would have involved the person who wanted to go out discussing this with a reasonable amount of notice with the person making the Christmas dinner plans, with both parties being able to discuss what was important to them and why and jointly work out the best way to meet everyone’s needs.

I realise 18 is a tricky age and there’s likely an element of wanting to symbolically distance yourself from family and to a certain extent you need to give them the space to do that, but I think just meeting this with just “fine, you have a nice time then” isn’t preparing them to mature into having a proper adult to adult relationship.

It literally does mean that

It doesnt mean that wont be upsetting for others, but an adult can literally do what they please on Christmas day