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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

587 replies

StrawberryCreamField · 23/12/2025 14:26

Would you be happy with this? DD (18, her birthday was last week) wants to go out to a nightclub on Christmas Day. I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night. DD is still saying she wants to go out though. DH thinks I’m being unreasonable and he thinks it’s fine for her to go out on Christmas Day. AIBU?

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 25/12/2025 18:29

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 25/12/2025 18:24

And that is exactly how your DD wants it.

She is inconsiderate in the extreme to leave you in this situation on Christmas Day.
She won't tell you where she's going .
She won't tell you who's she's with.
She won't tell you when she'll be home
She won't book a taxi.

For all the people exclaiming " she's an adult, let her be" need to give their heads a wobble.
An adult, or any mature 18 year old, should have absolutely no need to be so uncommunicative.

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I totally agree. I am surprised so many people are complacent about a recently turned 18 year old female going off without letting anyone know where she is going, who she is going with and how she is getting home and simply saying she is an adult.
I am with the poster who suggests she is meeting an older man in a hotel.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 25/12/2025 18:28

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 25/12/2025 18:24

And that is exactly how your DD wants it.

She is inconsiderate in the extreme to leave you in this situation on Christmas Day.
She won't tell you where she's going .
She won't tell you who's she's with.
She won't tell you when she'll be home
She won't book a taxi.

For all the people exclaiming " she's an adult, let her be" need to give their heads a wobble.
An adult, or any mature 18 year old, should have absolutely no need to be so uncommunicative.

Show quote history

It's no wonder though given the level of conflict and head butting that led up to her going out.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 25/12/2025 18:26

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 25/12/2025 17:11

id Be a bit miffed because it’s rude - 6/7 o clock I’d have no issue with.

my biggest issue though is your husband offering out your taxi services. Who does he think you are?!

I completely agree that the DH is an unbearable pocket dictator for thinking he can order his wife around and unilaterally decree that she will be on standby to drive and he will be out of commission drinking as usual.

However it's also an issue that this whole thing turned into a standoff between mother and daughter (both, tbh, being utterly focused on getting their way about how daughter spends Christmas day) to the extent that daughter has cut communication and switched her phone off and they've parted on bad terms.

If people are right that she's not being completely truthful about her plans then it's going to be harder for her to talk to her mum or ask for help if she gets into a difficult/ dangerous situation...

Keeping communication open rather than trying to dictate seems to be something nobody in the family has as a priority.

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 25/12/2025 18:24

StrawberryCreamField · 25/12/2025 18:17

No. We have no idea where she is right now!

Show quote history

And that is exactly how your DD wants it.

She is inconsiderate in the extreme to leave you in this situation on Christmas Day.
She won't tell you where she's going .
She won't tell you who's she's with.
She won't tell you when she'll be home
She won't book a taxi.

For all the people exclaiming " she's an adult, let her be" need to give their heads a wobble.
An adult, or any mature 18 year old, should have absolutely no need to be so uncommunicative.

SilverPink · 25/12/2025 18:22

StrawberryCreamField · 25/12/2025 18:17

No. We have no idea where she is right now!

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Honestly, unless that’s quite normal for your daughter, I’d be concerned. I’d also assume it’s something connected to a man, and nothing to do with friends.

Original poster
StrawberryCreamField · 25/12/2025 18:17

SilverPink · 25/12/2025 18:16

So have you established where she’s actually gone? Because no nightclub will be open yet.

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No. We have no idea where she is right now!

OP posts:
SilverPink · 25/12/2025 18:16

StrawberryCreamField · 25/12/2025 18:14

She’s now turned her phone off and we have no idea what time she’ll be back home!

So have you established where she’s actually gone? Because no nightclub will be open yet.

Original poster
StrawberryCreamField · 25/12/2025 18:14

She’s now turned her phone off and we have no idea what time she’ll be back home!

OP posts:
GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 25/12/2025 17:26

StrawberryCreamField · 25/12/2025 14:58

I’m going to have no choice but to go and pick DD up if she can’t get a taxi unfortunately because DH has already had a drink! And he’s told DD I’ll pick her up if she needs!!

DH is a problem.

Why do you let him tell you what to do???

LittleBearPad · 25/12/2025 17:20

She’s a brat and your DH is selfish.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 25/12/2025 17:11

id Be a bit miffed because it’s rude - 6/7 o clock I’d have no issue with.

my biggest issue though is your husband offering out your taxi services. Who does he think you are?!

Christmascaketime · 25/12/2025 16:15

DH can say what he likes you don’t have to do it. If she’s adult enough to flounce out she’s adult enough to make own way home.
I’m generous with lifts to my dd who is 19 but she doesn’t demand a lift and fits in with me. Anyone telling me I had to when they haven’t had courtesy to speak to me and check it’s ok wouldn’t be getting a lift.

Skybluepinky · 25/12/2025 15:46

She is an adult, let her go out and enjoy herself after the boredom of being stuck with the oldies. Offer to go and collect her afterwards, it’s Xmas.

Jk987 · 25/12/2025 15:40

cut the apron strings. Stop forcing traditions. Let people be.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 25/12/2025 15:36

StrawberryCreamField · 25/12/2025 14:58

I’m going to have no choice but to go and pick DD up if she can’t get a taxi unfortunately because DH has already had a drink! And he’s told DD I’ll pick her up if she needs!!

I get the feeling that this is your DH all over... Thoughtless and selfish.
I hope I'm wrong

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 25/12/2025 15:33

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 25/12/2025 15:30

Yes she was and it's ok to ask the girl to stay in and go out later. But to try and force her is only going to go one way which by the sounds of it, it has.

Sorry, I don't always stay on track.

I'll tell my DP something and hours later I'll continue with what I was saying and he'll not have a clue what Im talking about because for him, that conversation was done but I have ADHD so much brain is always coming up with questions and statements and song lyrics and questions and more questions and some answers to

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That end but should say, I have ADHD so my brain... Not much 🤷🏼‍♂️

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 25/12/2025 15:30

godmum56 · 25/12/2025 14:40

ok. My response that she was overrreacting was about the whole "She can't go out, she must stay with US till after Christmas Lunch."
Of course her father shouldn't have volunteered the OP to be a taxi service. THAT's the bit the OP has control over and can refuse to do.
If you read the OP's original post though, she was definitely trying to make her daughter stay home!

Show quote history

Yes she was and it's ok to ask the girl to stay in and go out later. But to try and force her is only going to go one way which by the sounds of it, it has.

Sorry, I don't always stay on track.

I'll tell my DP something and hours later I'll continue with what I was saying and he'll not have a clue what Im talking about because for him, that conversation was done but I have ADHD so much brain is always coming up with questions and statements and song lyrics and questions and more questions and some answers to

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 25/12/2025 15:26

You may find if she can't get a taxi but one of her friends can / does that she just goes home with that friend and you pick her up in the morning from the friend's house. or she gets a taxi then.

godmum56 · 25/12/2025 15:15

vanillalattes · 25/12/2025 15:08

Of course you have a choice. She can get an uber home if she needs to.

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yup.

TheMorgenmuffel · 25/12/2025 15:08

You have a choice.
You may not like your choice but it exists.

vanillalattes · 25/12/2025 15:08

StrawberryCreamField · 25/12/2025 14:58

I’m going to have no choice but to go and pick DD up if she can’t get a taxi unfortunately because DH has already had a drink! And he’s told DD I’ll pick her up if she needs!!

Of course you have a choice. She can get an uber home if she needs to.

Original poster
StrawberryCreamField · 25/12/2025 14:58

I’m going to have no choice but to go and pick DD up if she can’t get a taxi unfortunately because DH has already had a drink! And he’s told DD I’ll pick her up if she needs!!

OP posts:
godmum56 · 25/12/2025 14:40

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 25/12/2025 14:16

Of course she can't make her. I never said anything about that.

My point is that DH should be available for the pick up instead of preferring OP because he wants to get drunk.
Wouldn't it be better for a male to go to location at whatever o/clock?

Show quote history

ok. My response that she was overrreacting was about the whole "She can't go out, she must stay with US till after Christmas Lunch."
Of course her father shouldn't have volunteered the OP to be a taxi service. THAT's the bit the OP has control over and can refuse to do.
If you read the OP's original post though, she was definitely trying to make her daughter stay home!

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 25/12/2025 14:18

CrazyGoatLady · 25/12/2025 13:21

Let her crack on - what can you do at this point. In the meantime, you can enjoy your day without a stroppy teenager/kidult around ruining the atmosphere. Pour yourself a drink and practice some radical acceptance - teens are meant to try their parents, it's the life stage they're in. She may look back on what she did today at some stage and feel a bit ashamed, but clearly at the moment she's all about her peer group and your protests are only likely to drive more of a wedge between you. Speak to her about it later when the dust has settled, calmly.

Enjoy a more peaceful, teenage strop free few hours in the meantime!

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Agree.

Try and enjoy yourself OP

I still say DH should pick her up.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 25/12/2025 14:16

godmum56 · 25/12/2025 13:12

As I have already said, the OP is quite within her rights to refuse to be a taxi service. What is is not within her rights to do is to insist that her daughter stays at home until she is given permission to go out. And yes, I think the OP is overrreacting.

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Of course she can't make her. I never said anything about that.

My point is that DH should be available for the pick up instead of preferring OP because he wants to get drunk.
Wouldn't it be better for a male to go to location at whatever o/clock?