To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

@MusicMakesItAllBetter

taxis exist you know…

OP, you really got a hard time unnecessarily on this thread. Both your DDs and DHs behaviour is not acceptable and I’m sorry your Christmas turned out like this. Fingers crossed DD arrives home safely!

You all sounds dysfunctional to be honest.

I too would just leave if I was your daughter. It sounds like you’re a dog with a bone and just won’t let the subject go. She’s not some 12 year old you can dictate to what they do.

You need to get a back bone and tell your husband to do one and that he can’t dictate to you that you will be the one collecting your daughter.

Maybe if you hadn’t been so controlling and badgering to your daughter she would have been more open in conversation about her plans and asking for a lift rather than leaving you hanging.

@Skybluepinky

yep, you’re right , it’s Christmas, so OP probs wants to relax, maybe have a drink, not play taxi for her adult daughter. It’s OP’s Christmas as well!

Daughter is well within her rights to go out, but she’s not entitled to a lift back from her mother on Christmas Day.

When you say he has “had a drink”, how much has he drunk? Because if he has just had a couple of units there’s no reason he wouldn’t be fit to drive by the time pubs are kicking out if he stops now.

Honestly this whole situation sounds a little bit dysfunctional, with DD storming out to who knows where and DH refusing to take any responsibility for being available for her if she needs a pick up.

I have a 19yo dd and I’d be a bit annoyed if she wanted to go out clubbing in Christmas Day but I wouldn’t say anything. As it is she’s here eating chocolate and watching telly with me!

What do you mean won’t let you? The more you say about DH this sounds like your main issue.
If you can’t pour yourself a drink in your own home without fear then you need to seek help.

Would you honestly stand for your DH volunteering you for pickup and quickly necking beer to abdicate all responsibility when he agreed to this "plan" in the first place?

She's not on her own, clearly. If she and friends end up out all night until an Uber is free so be it.

If her 18yo is old enough to storm off and plan her own Christmas, she's old enough to get an Uber home or call a friend.

Why is OP being badgered about having a drink when her 18 year old child is somewhere, anywhere with anyone and she may need to leave ASAP??

Would you honestly leave your 18 year old stranded?

Don't be a wet lettuce. He can't stop you. What's he going to do if you have a drink?

What do you mean he won't "let you"?

No, I think that’s a completely reasonable expectation for a young adult who lives at home.

do you think that a bit less of this attitude from the OP might have helped?
" I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night."

This is why this should have been about communicating - all three adults have simply made unilateral decrees about what they want and there's been no genuine communication.

DD is exactly like her parents by the sound of it. They all want different outcomes, but all use the same strategy of simply saying "X is happening because I say so and I want it, no debate, no discussion".

By making sure he gets pissed early enough to prevent OP from doing the same, because he is banking (and with reason, it seems) on her being incapable of saying ‘Fuck you’ about both of them, father and daughter, and getting ossified herself.
If she did that though, and left it for useless and pissed DH to worry about, she might at least enjoy drunkenness, since there’s not much other cheer chez elle by the sound of it.
It was DH who supported this Christmas day sordid affair ‘teen disco’ outing of their daughter’s in the face of OP’s objections, so let him handle the bloody logistics.
She left before noon on Christmas Day without any discussion of how she’d get home, and has remained out of reach. I’d anticipate a very difficult period between mother and daughter whenever she gets home, and maybe she’s in touch with her father anyway, so even if OP were to ring later offering a lift, would the call even be answered? Leave all this to DH.

This is kind of what I was thinking.
When I was 17 my friend lied at Christmas and said she was going to my house. She was in fact two towns over at her ex-boyfriend's as they were getting back together and she didn't want to tell her mum!

Omg, that's awful! I'm so sorry, OP. I would be FUMING!

It doesn't read as though the DD is expecting this - she refused to pre-book a taxi saying she'd get one when she wants to go home. It's her dad who has unilaterally volunteered the OP as driver (not himself as he wants someone else to be on standby but doesn't care enough not to plan in advance to be over the drink drive limit himself).

Well there isn't really anything that can be done, but it is worrying so many people are saying it's fine for a young girl to go off out on her own. Would it have made a difference if she was still 17? Would people be more concerned then had her birthday been a month later?
What the OP can do about it in reality is very little, but I would be worried about who she was involved with that is causing this level of secrecy and to be out on Christmas day.

She is 18, legally an adult. What do you suggest can be done about it?

maybe the need stemmed from being nagged to death by her mother?

Expecting to be picked up is so unreasonable, she should be organizing her own transport.