To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

Absolutely 👏

Ok so there's a little age difference but it happens!!

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/girl-16-shaved-tortured-burned-36303483

Because he's a drunken dad!

Did she make it home under her own steam op or did you pick her up?

@MusicMakesItAllBetter

op’s husband clearly can’t think the same as he’s had enough alcohol to render him incapable of driving to pick her up. He must think an Uber or taxi is ok

Of course, wouldn't any parent? But that help doesn't usually mean the adult offspring expects immediate assistance and hours of driving to give them a lift from town back to halls.

"Would you not be concerned about your 18 year old being out with no knowledge of anything that they're doing?" was your question. My response is that you can't live like that as a parent. You'll drive yourself batshit. They're as likely to be attacked as any woman at any age. Some of my scariest experiences were in my 30s - and no, I did not call my mum.

No, she sets ground rules.

They need to bring back the laugh emoji for this 🤣 right, so no one goes out and ends up raped?!! No one....?
No one goes on a night out and ends up murdered lol honestly I'm laughing right now. A young man of 21 went out a few years ago now over the Xmas/New Year period and didn't make it home because some nutter decided to stab him. He died instantly.
What a fucking stupid thing to say.

@cardibach
The daughters behaviour is inexcusable and she needs to learn some respect for her mum (unless OP is a cunt in real life).

I would absolutely have choice words with her at an appropriate time and make ground rules if she wants to continue living in the house but if for whatever reason she couldn't get home safely by herself, then I'd pick her up.
It's the decent thing to do.

Thank you

No because you weren't under her roof.
Obvs it's different in other circumstances like Uni but this isn't other circumstances.
And if my child was at Uni and contacted me for help, I'd show up for her.

No because they might be AT UNI and are old enough to have moved out. In fact when I was 19 I was on placement in France and there was no facetime, only texts and a weekly phonecall. Do you think I messaged my mum every time I went out clubbing or on an early run?

She's a adult though her choice

So what do you propose - that OP should stay sober forever in case her 18yo needs a lift home?

I really hope your DD is home safe OP, parenting teens is hard sometimes

However you all need to change your ways for the new year, and I expect the way you and your DH parent and communicate have resulted in the way your DD has behaved this Christmas.

You sound quite controlling over your DD, you should never have said she couldn’t go out Christmas afternoon BUT you should have made it clear from the start that you would not be available for lifts and insisted she book taxis or arrange to stay over with a friend.

Your DH sounds quite controlling with you, he should never have offered your services for lifts and you should have stood up for yourself. If there is a reason you couldn’t do that your marriage is potentially abusive.

Time to set out age appropriate ground rules for your DD, if she wants to live at home she is not to assume you will be her personal chauffeur service, she needs to ask for lifts in advance and if you say no she needs to make sensible alternative arrangements. She doesn’t need permission to go out or need to tell you where she is but she does need to tell you if she’s going to be home later than normal or stay out, so you don’t worry.

I would have done so too, and I was awake for single parent so it all fell to me. What my DD wouldn’t have done was go off in a strip before Christmas Lunch with no plan to get back so my whole day would be spoilt with having to worry and wonder if I’d have to go out in the early hours.
Loads of posters on here saying she’s an adult, you can’t ask her to stay in with her family etc etc but then she suddenly needs the boring olds because she needs rescue as well. If that’s the case she does need to negotiate her going out times so they are convenient for said rescue. You know, like an adult would.

Kidnap, rape and torture are not at all likely on a night out. And a night out is not the most likely time for those things to happen.

OP (or her husband) can still get to their DD if she needs them by getting an Uber themselves. What they can’t do is provide her with a free ride home.

She’s 18, she’s surely been out before now and developed some street smarts?

And OP doesn't know if she's anywhere dangerous or safe.

If my feelings are correct, I hope DD is in a safe place with people she knows and trusts

She's 18, just turned.
Yes technically she's an adult but she's not really. What life experience does she have? How does she know what to do in certain situations?
Yes she'll soon learn but at what cost?

Kidnap, rape, torture..... These things happen.

I'm stunned at the amount of people lacking in duty of care of the safety of their children, regardless of whether they're 18 or not.

If I needed her at 18, my mum would have been there and that's not her being a doormat. She was making sure her daughter was safe.

Wow.... In my opinion, it's making sure your child is safe!
Your child doesn't stop being your child just because they turn 18 years old..your duty if care doesn't stop because your child is technically an adult and in this case a thoughtless arsehole.
Would you not be concerned about your 18 year old being out with no knowledge of anything that they're doing?

I disagree with pretty much all of that. Being with family isn’t boring to me and never has been. She’s been an adult for two weeks and hasn’t taken on any of the responsibilities that earn the privilege yet. It’s not suffocating to expect a family member to eat Christmas Dinner with you if they live in your house. Or to expect another member of your household (whatever age) to let you know where they are going and when they’ll be back - for younger ones knowing who with is nice too - that’s just courtesy.

It’s really not that dangerous unless she’s going somewhere dangerous- and as an adult that’s a risk for her to manage.

@MusicMakesItAllBetter

so…what? OP should just it up and give daughter lifts for ever more?? Yeah, no.

It's not about being mollycoddled....
You're not getting my point - it's dangerous out there, there are many people who are wrong in the head who do nasty things to young women

except it sounds like the OP started it?

I dont think there's anything wrong with an 18 yo going clubbing on Christmas day ...shes an adult and fair enough she wants some fun with her friends.

I remember going clubbing on Christmas day but its around this age I think some young people grow up enough to start being a bit more appreciative of the effort their parents make..things like saying thank you for Christmas lunch and asking if there is anything they can do to help.

Would have been nice if the DD had compromised by having Christmas lunch / dinner at home before going out. I think the problem is these days that some young adults want to be treated as such but also to have the 'perks' of acting like a child when it suits...like storming off on Xmas day...thats just selfish.