To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

If they are still living at home I think it’s fair not to worry parents unnecessarily though.

Actually no. You don’t get to normalise your shit by claiming that ‘everyone else thinks so too’. Compromise isn’t ‘key’. Everyone, sit down for this becuse it’ll blow your mind, is actually here on this earth having their own experience and their own life thats not about you and no one owes you their company because ‘it’s what you do’. Compromise isn’t key. Be with who you want to be with, life’s too short to be obligated to guilt trippers.

It’s not that she wants to go out on Christmas Day that would upset me, but the secrecy around who she’s going with, where she’ll be from 2pm and the fact the venue seems to be closed which would upset me - she’s lying. And for everyone saying she’s an adult she doesn’t owe you anything, she’s just turned 18? Are we all really pretending that it’s safe for a young woman to be out with persons unknown at an unknown location? I always told my mum where I was when I lived with her, it’s common courtesy and also protective for someone to know where you are and what you’re doing. I think I’d approach it with her as not minding her going out, but you’d really prefer to know where she actually is and who she’s with so you can relax and enjoy your day.

Worrying is part of what you sign up for when you become a parent - but that doesn't mean you can restrict and control your children to make you feel calmer about their choices.

So do you not worry about who they are with ? Or when they are out late and how they’re getting home ?

Well that’s a breakdown in the relationship between them likely way prior to Christmas Day.

It’s not like having Christmas dinner with family is some preposterous imposition, it’s literally what the vast majority of the country will be doing.

If OP’s DH had decided to spend the afternoon in the pub rather than with his family no one would be saying “you’re being controlling, he’s an adult he can do what he wants”.

If OP’s DD wants treating like an adult she needs to accept adult responsibilities too, which includes that you can’t simply fuck off at lunchtime on Christmas Day because you think it’s be more fun to hang out with your mates.

Compromise is the key here I think, on both sides.

My 19 yr old will tell me roughly where going and who with if she’s at home.
So eg yesterday I dropped her off at hairdressers and went to work. She said I’m meeting up with friend and a few from sixth form in town later for a coffee or might get a drink. I said have fun. No great inquisition but I knew town she was in and idea of who with.
I’d find it odd not to share info with people I live with.

She’s also old enough to understand her mum will worry and give her reassurances about how she’s getting home.

Yes I do one of which is 16. There is caring and then there is being overbearing.

Caring is asking once, letting them know to call you if they need you, offering possible taxi service. If you’re going for the safety aspect.

It’s not demanding the names over and over again and trying to control what they do with their day. Yes it’s Christmas Day but for so many people it’s just another normal day.

The link takes you to a social media post for a completely different business.

Call them?

but I don’t see why she cant just go after dinner. But there’s no point banning her, she’ll go anyway.

will her mates actually be free from the afternoon or is she being optimistic

Let’s have a mn Xmas day Edinburgh clubathon. 3 sisters then subway then fingers. I’ll be in jeans, corset, fairy wings and glittery green eyeshadow.

All the nightclubs in my town are open on Xmas night and most of the pubs

I agree that you don't suddenly cut the cord at 18, but you should slowly give them independence and responsibility so they are fully ready when they turn 18.

I would be concerned that whoever she is meeting could have ill intentions. She wants to go out from 2pm til late, refuses to say who with and refuses to book a taxi in advance. It all seems very dodgy to me, especially as this was all last minute.

Have you got children yourself ? She’s 18
I always told them it’s better to have someone who worries about them than to have no one who cares!!!

Have you tried saying it will ruin your day because you’ll be anxious as you don’t know how she’s getting home ? And you’re worried she’ll be hanging around for ages on her own trying to get a taxi ( memories of my youth up north , but I was always with someone else;) Say you want her to have fun but you’re worrying ? I would be anxious tbf if it was me( sorry) I know she’s 18 but I’d relax more if I knew she was with good mates.

No but also means she should be allowed to think for herself and make her own mistakes without mummy hovering over like she’s still a toddler.

Ops made her point to her daughter and daughters made her point. Op now won’t let it rest till she wins.

It looks like a hire venue.
Maybe she's going to a private party???

I was kind of on the side of majority posters here in that she's old enough, leave her make her own decisions...but having read on, I do understand your worries.

The most normal thing would be for her at least to be chatting to you about who's going or who's party it is.
One thing is being an adult and living your own life, but a flat out refusal to even give you an idea of who she's going to be with on her first Christmas away from the family is a little bit odd.

Stop being so controlling, leave the poor girl alone. She is 18. Not 8.

I would be annoyed and unhappy too. Festivals are meant to bring families/ friends together and share traditions. Its alright to prioritise family on these occasions. She can go clubbing on other days in the week. Why specifically Christmas day? Unless you are not on particularly good terms with each other.

She maybe 18, but if she still lives at home I would expect her to join in with the family Christmas unless she’s been invited to spend Christmas elsewhere.
It just common courtesy to tell you her rough plans.’
To be honest - I smell a rat. I reckon she’s up to no good. What are her friends like? Are they the decent sort or a bit rough round the edges?

Yes but it doesn't mean doing all those things would be a good idea for her right now.

But I bet she also didn’t when she was 18 unless she also had an overbearing mother.