To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

Thinking back to when this 54 year old was 18 and living with parents to figure out what I think about your dilemma OP. I don't think it's unreasonable to go out Xmas night at all BUT going out at 2pm I don't think is on. Also it was the most natural thing in the world that my parents (who I lived with) knew my friends and who I was going out with. I don't think you are unreasonable but not sure what you can do about it 💐

You've just added in the changing plans with only "2 days notice". If plans are agreed that's obviously different, but if they're not what is the issue?
I don't get to (or want to) decide what we do every Christmas.

She's 18. You can feel disappointed about her not being at dinner and sad about her preferring time with friends to family right now, but this isn't your decision. She doesn't need your permission or approval and she doesn't owe you proof of her plans. Trying to force your way or guilt trip her is most likely to backfire on you.

She also doesn't get to expect the whole family to cater to her. Tell her what time meals and activities will be on the 24th-26th and that she needs to tell you when she will or won't be there and stick to her word. She also needs to figure out her own transportation and funding. And when she is with the family she needs to contribute and behave as an adult.

Fucking hell.

Fucksake - if youre that bothered give them a call or drive down there. Stop with the drippy comments about "oh I cant find out online" what kind of shit detective work is that! 🤣

Surely if she was clubbing she wouldnt be leaving any earlier than 10.30pm? So she can spend all day and night with you... let her spend the early hours having fun! Id be passed out in my bed by that time anyway!

No one has to do what suits me. Our Christmas isn't about what suits me. It's what has evolved because it suits everyone involved. If it doesn't suit one individual then we change things so it works for us all. But mentioning that it doesn't work for you a couple of days before hand, after food has been bought and without consideration for everyone else as well, well that is pretty fucking rude and no way for an adult to behave.

If OP’s DH decided 2 days before Xmas when most people will have shopped and prepared for dinner that he’d rather sack of the turkey and go to the pub at 2pm and stay until closing, that’d be fine? Come on of course it wouldn’t!

It wouldn’t be cool either for OPs Aunt Mabel to decide she had a better offer and say she wasn’t coming for dinner after all.

Honestly it sounds like there’s a version of “cool wife” called “cool mum” where you have to accept without question whatever your (barely) adult DC want to do simply because they are “old enough to buy a house and get married”, when that behaviour wouldn’t be acceptable from anyone else.

She's 18, she can make her own decisions, and her own mistakes to learn from (as so often is the case on a Christmas night out!)

You keep saying you're not happy with this, you're not happy with that. Great. Well done you. But I sense that what you're really not happy with is the fact that she's an adult and you REALLY can't control her anymore.

Unfortunately we live in a world where horrific things happen to women and girls everyday. She is 18, ( which is very young), still living at home, probably still in school. She is opting out of the family Christmas with pretty much no notice ( which is disrespectful regardless of age). Does she expect the other aspects of Christmas like the gifts? She is lying about where she is going( the venue is closed Xmas day on a quick google).She won’t say who else is going and she won’t discuss her travel arrangements. And she definitely won’t be clubbing from 2pm. My guess is some new guy s home or hotel room.
I think it’s fine if she wants to go out Christmas night with friends after the family meal . But regardless of age - it’s common sense to let people know roughly where you are and who with! It’s basic safety which unfortunately is crucial ( especially for a teenage girl)

I would be very surprised if rooftop 525 is open on Xmas day night, it's inside the Pleasure beach which is closed for the season. It does open for private parties, but not likely on xmas day.

@HopSpringsEternal it may be 100% not true where you’re from but I can assure you my 2 DC’s and their friends are all organised, tickets bought for going out on Xmas day night.

Your exact words were "you sound like one of those people who doesn't care if someone wants to be with you at Christmas as long as you get your way."

I’d say she’s lying - there’s no way she leaving at 2pm to meet her friends for clubbing.

And the fact she’s being cagey about who she’s going with.

But at 18 there’s obviously a reason she feels she can’t tell you her real plans. Maybe your DH knows and that’s why he’s so fine with her going.

No I didn’t do that

She could be going to the pubs in the afternoon then to a nightclub

No, I meant to reply to you.

You accused someone else of not caring if someone wants to be with them on Christmas day. The other side of that coin is that the OP, or people that feel as you do, are also being selfish. You're seeing it as you are owed someone's time on Christmas day because you want to see them, regardless of what they actually want.

I’m not convinced that replacing this with a generation of “me, me me”s is going to be any better.

I don’t know of a family with teens / young adults with healthy relationships where the answer this would either be the parent imposing on the child that they have to stay home or the child just going out on Xmas day before lunch without agreeing it with their parents.

I think you’re replying to me by mistake x

I thought you weren't BU but it turns out I and family and friends are very much not in the modern zeitgeist 🤣. My just 18 year old and all her friends need to get their A'levels (and a decent set of mocks in January) and Uni places before they would be considered anywhere near 'adult'!
And they're also all expected to be mature enough to take the very sensible precaution of telling a parent where they will be when they're out.
So I think you're getting a rather rough time OP but maybe I'm in an ivory tower!

Perhaps you need to start preparing for the day when she won’t spend it with you at all! She will still be with you all morning, what if she had a boyfriend to spend the day with? Sounds like it’s not about the plans it’s just the fact she won’t be there.

As opposed to the OP who doesn't care if someone doesn't want to be with them on Christmas day? You don't get to commandeer someone else's time. Just because you want someone there on Christmas doesn't mean they have to be.

Nightclubs definitely do open on Christmas Day

This is a really good point - I highly doubt the families of her friends are happy about this either. It may all fall apart.

OR it is a cover story for something untoward and the OP is right to be wary.

No .. you sound like one of those people who doesn’t care if someone wants to be with you at Christmas as long as you get your way. I’m nothing like that. And I feel good about that.

It was pretty normal to go out to a club on Christmas night when I was your DDs age and that was back in the 90s.

Didnt go out until about 10pm so the family celebrating was finished or close to ending

My mum always said she preferred me doing that and sleeping it off on Boxing Day rather than going out Christmas Eve and be hungover on Christmas Day