To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

Right, but she's not going to be picking her up from this club probably?!

The op is being really weird in this thread, just repeating stuff and ignoring what's being suggested. That added to her daughter being so secretive doesn't add up to the daughter being getting into some kind of dodgy situation so much as more likely just doesnt want her mum to know

She's probably just wanting to spend Christmas with a partner or something

Just because she has had her 18th birthday doesn’t mean she can please herself and not consider others! Of course it’s out of order when you have planned to spend Christmas with family to then skip Christmas dinner for a better offer, that goes for any age!

Because the daughter is still saying she is going out. If she isn't going to the club then that is also incredibly concerning as a parent as to where she is actually going and who is she going with. To me there are so many issues with the secrecy going on here - wanting to go out all afternoon and night, refusing to say who with, naming a venue that may or may not be open, refusing to book a taxi...could be innocent but might not be.

As has been pointed out at least twice in this thread, its shut tomorrow. So why are you still talking about taxi's?

Your husband agrees with your daughter, doesn't see the issue. Your daughter refuses to pre-book a taxi, and your husband expects you to remain sober on Christmas Day, so you can pick her up at some unGodly hour. Nope, that wouldn't be happening in my house! I'd be making it very clear, that if she's not pre-booking a taxi, then HE will be picking up your daughter, not you. Why does your husband get to dictate that it's you who has to collect your daughter??? Your daughter shouldn't be expecting to be collected and your husband shouldn't expect you to do it either! Do you not drink, and that's why your husband has assumed you'll pick up your daughter?

Would people be as understanding if the DD had decided she’d rather go clubbing than for a family birthday meal?

Sounds amazing. She should go. Dont hold people hostage at xmas.

I’d want her to stay for dinner but ultimately it’s her choice. I wouldn’t pick her up though.

The proper reason is they would like to spend Christmas day with their DD. Not very much to ask is it? Just because at 18 you are 'grown up' it doesn't mean you can't be nice and can't spend an important day with your parents. Or even a part of the day to have a long planned meal with them. There have been lots of threads on people cancelling plans for Christmas day and how upsetting it can be for the hosts, just because she's 'grown up' and 18 it doesn't make it any less rude to suddenly say your not going to be there. If you want to talk about her as an adult person not a child then she's an invited guest who has cancelled at the last minute.

And worry about a taxi is not trivial if her DD is stranded somewhere in the early hours with no public transport and no taxis or ubers to be found, it is a worry even if she is 'grown up' now she's 18, and will 'sort it out'. Sometimes the worst does happen (even to young men) friends all go off, left alone looking for a taxi, possibly drunk, very vulnerable, things can go downhill fast.

Out in the evening, great. But if she's just told you now that she won't be there for Christmas dinner after you've planned, shopped, prepped, etc., that's a little rude. If she lived away and had come "home" for Christmas I might be secretly slightly resentful of being treated like a hotel, but if she lives at home and you're hosting and she wants to opt out of family Christmas (or Christmas altogether), the logical choice is for her to go out. Leave the transport up to her; she seems confident that she knows what she's doing. If she ends up needing picked up or something, I'd leave it to Cheerleader Husband to go.

Christmas may be about spending time with family to you but you don’t get to decide what’s important to others.

Yea OP. Your child is growing up and you cannot make her comply with your demands any more. Be thankful that she is spreading her wings.

If she wants to leave at 2, I presume she just wants to spend the day with her mates.

It's odd she's not just saying that.

Does she have mates you don't like?

I wouldn't stop her doing her thing, but I would have a nose around why the cover story.

I agree that it’s not about me’ism’ but I think we have to acknowledge that imposed hierarchy exists in family and friendship and relationship dynamics and it doesn’t serve the people who aren’t calling the shots. Too often there’s someone who’s ‘in charge’ , guilt tripping, demanding, imposing, coercing, and it’s really shit for everyone who isn’t them. They’re the only person who’s having their needs met at others expense. It has to be about everyone, everyone is supposed to matter or it’s just falling in line and doing what someone else wants and we’ve normalised that, we act like that’s ’just how it is’ and yet we wonder why we’re so unhappy or stressed half the time and often it’s because we’re just meeting someone’s needs at the expense of our own

She’s proposing to be out from 2pm!

Your DH is correct.

Which club is it? I cant find any in Manchester, my 20 year-old would love it. He would travel.

Maybe she's going to a day rave that starts mid-afternoon. Totally plausible.

He can expect all he wants just say no you won’t be. Have a drink if you fancy one.

Say ‘no’ and that as he offered, it’s his responsibility. Why does he get to dictate to you?

If he’s willing to not drink and pick her up
leave them to it.

He can't then can he, if he's determined to facilitate DD's social life!

I think I see why you feel resentful to be honest, if you've got a DD who gets her own way because DH gives in and volunteers you to be the one who has to run around after her. I'd be saying fine, you think she should be picked up, you stay sober and do it. Or to DD, fine, if you're grown up enough to be out partying til the wee hours on Christmas Day and skip family Christmas because we're all too boring, you're also grown up enough to sort out your own transport and not need lifts from your ma.

Actually it sounds like DD not doing family Christmas is the least of your problems here, and that's actually not the hill to die on. The important hill is DH and DD thinking you should not have the Christmas you want to facilitate her partying. Don't be a martyr - you can't control her going out partying instead of being with family but you sure can opt not to assist her in doing so.

I fail to see how that's disrespectful.

I don't feel disrespected when people don't do exactly what I want, especially if I haven't even asked them about it.

And I assume OP knew her daughter was turning 18.

It's really irrelevant anyways as OP doesn't seem bothered that it could potentially be seen as a change in plans, she just doesn't want her daughter to go.

OP you don't have to be happy about it but she is an adult, and you literally can'tstop her.
It's ridiculous that you are asking her to prove a nightclub is open.
My ds was going clubbing till 6am once, they used to shut at 2am in my day but times change.
If you keep on like this she certainly won't come back for Xmas once she moves out

Daytime with family. Night at nightclub
Would you really be doing much after 10pm anyway?