Help
I need peoples opinions/advice/help
On sunday I met my partners children for the first time. They are 2 and 6 years old. His little girl (aged 2) instantly took a shine to me, which tbh I’m not surprised about. I have a 4 year old niece and I’m very girly, I’m extremely animated and enthusiastic and enjoyed playing dollies with her and reading books to her etc. His son (aged 6) is autistic so not as social as the little girl but actually loved the game I got him for christmas, I made sure to get his favourite snacks in (oreos) so it was a hit with him too. I really loved having his kids around
I have twin boys that are nearly 16 years old, they also loved having the kids around, they were super excited to meet them. They’ve always wanted a little sister in particular so it’s like a little bonus. She’s quite wary around men and my boys are 6ft 3 and look like men but she instantly took a shine to them. The 6 year old also instantly took a shine to them and was sat in their rooms gaming with them and talking about pokemon etc. It really could not have gone better.
The issue came later on in the day. I’m struggling with fatigue and extremely low blood pressure atm so I’m getting worn out very easily and instantly feel unwell. His son was on his ipad and watching these videos on youtube. It’s difficult to explain the content of these videos other than they are just … noise. Like layer of noise that include an unrelated song, a bunch of sound effects and people shouting over each other. It’s also important to mention I have adhd (I am medicated, but still figuring out the right dose of lisdexamphetamine)
I mentioned to my partner that I was feeling a little overwhelmed and might need to take myself upstairs for a bit. By that point it was 7.30pm and he decided he was going to take them home instead and put them to bed (they fell asleep in the car)
The issue comes in that when he said that he went upstairs to pack his stuff up to go. He ended up taking HALF AN HOUR to gather his stuff up, brush his teeth, have a shower… and doomscroll on instagram for a bit…
Meanwhile I’m downstairs with the kids, feeling ill and overwhelmed with the noise of his sons ipad (I am fully aware and accepting though that with his autism these videos soothe him)
I have spoken to my partner since and told him that in those moments I need him to understand that I might need to remove myself from the situation if I get overwhelmed and that it doesn’t mean I love him and his kids any less. I just need to manage my own neurodivergence on my own. He’s absolutely fine with that. However I’m worried that this is a red flag for things to come. That I’m going to be expected to look after his small children while he doomscrolls upstairs. While I’m not being funny but my kids are older now and I feel like I’ve done my dues
What should I do? Is this a red flag? Should I talk to him? Should I wait to see how things develop? Has anyone been in a similar situation?