Would you cut off someone that lied about having a child?

New partner? I'd be wary

Colleague? I'd probably be more inclined to give the benefit of the doubt that they had a child who died, was adopted, or referring to step children, or some complicated back story. Or, some need for support / sympathy. My friend's sister falsely claimed to have cancer. It subsequently appeared there were aspects of her life that were lacking and this was a cry for help

New partner? I'd be wary

Colleague? I'd probably be more inclined to give the benefit of the doubt that they had a child who died, was adopted, or referring to step children, or some complicated back story. Or, some need for support / sympathy. My friend's sister falsely claimed to have cancer. It subsequently appeared there were aspects of her life that were lacking and this was a cry for help

Op, can you just tell us how you know she’s lying about ever having a child, and why you care in the first place?

This is a worrying thing to be lying about. Depending on how close you are to her, I would not automatically cut her off. Of course I would it less easy to take her entirely seriously (and turn down invitations to the ensuing christening, wedding etc)

How does that affect your working life? It doesn’t! People lie all the time at work e.g. what did you do at the weekend? and they create an interesting scenario rather than the reality of “cleaned the toilets, did boring admin, flopped in front of the TV like the rest of the 52 weeks of the year”.

She clearly had reasons for lying. Maybe the woman is fed up with people hounding her why she didn’t get marry & have kids, and her having to justify her life and people being judgey. Perhaps she spent her life caring for elderly parents, or disabled relatives, perhaps her child died, or she miscarried or couldn’t have kids & her husband ran off, maybe she was too poor to have kids, and she got fed up with people making sneering comments like dried up spinster, weird cat lady etc.

people are awful and gossipy and by making up a lie to get people off her back, then so be it.

of course, moralising & judgment you, you have never told a lie, right? Why don’t we suggest that everyone avoids you because of your lie?

@Spenning what makes you think they are lying about having a child?

I think it depends on why the person lied, what did they gain?

You never know especially with colleagues what is happening in their private lives. I wouldn’t cut someone out of my life if their lie hadn’t hurt anyone.

Do not do this.

I might say I have a grandchild, but only to avoid comments like 'What a shame you don't have children.' I wouldn't say it to a colleague.

I had a colleague with an adult son who had actually died in accident years before I met her.
She always however talked about him as if he was still around, never mentioned the accident to me directly.
You can never know someone else’s trauma. I would also say her personal life as a colleague is none of your business.
Who knows what her reasons are but best not to jump the gun and judge.

Bit of context? Maybe they are estranged? Maybe she raised a child for a few years because the parents were not able to? And in view of that, views him as hers. I know that can be difficult for a biological parent to understand but for someone to take care of a child as the primary carer for many years will forge very close bonds.
As far as forgiving, what difference does it make to her if she is only your work colleague? Just treat her as you need to to avoid issues with hr.
As far as if she were a friend goes, well, yes definitely, otherwise what’s the point of her being your friend???
tho tbf if she is making this up then she needs understanding and compassion and if you are asking if she should be forgiven rather then trying to help, you may not be the sort of friend she needs, bless you

Any yes how do you know for certain she doesn’t have an adult child?

They could be estranged or just live in a different country and don’t see each other mum.

My sister left her kids with her ex but would lie about seeing them because she was ashamed about it.
I know dads who do this all the time - pretend they see their kids way more than they actually do.

She’s obviously a bit of a weirdo and I’d not want to socialise with her on the outside but I’d assume she’s either schizophrenic or she lost a child and it was easier to just carry on with the story rather than explain and then it’s hard to get out of it.

I know it’s not the same but I still talk like my dogs alive and if you asked my colleagues they’d think I had a dog still.
I just can’t cope with the reality that I don’t anymore and I can’t cope with having that conversation with someone.
I don’t intentionally bring her up though.

If she had a child that had died she would still have had a child. Maybe doesn't tell people about the child's death because she doesn't want to have to be saying it time and time again x

How do know she doesn’t have an adult child?

I have an adult son, he doesn’t live at home and none of my work colleagues have ever met him or seen evidence of his existence, perhaps they don’t believe me.

We had a work colleague who did this. It turned out that her daughter had died at the age of 13 and she never accepted it. It was very sad.

If she was a good friend I’d certainly try to understand. If she’s just a work colleague I’d think she was a bit odd but none of my business.

I’d wonder why the lie.
The woman may have desperately wanted children and it just didn’t happen.
Life can be unfair.
What might have started small with a misunderstanding, just grew.

I was thinking about this overnight.

I have a very good friend who adopted two children when they were very young. Things were incredibly difficult and after years of trauma and distress one of the children as an adult ended up repeatedly in jail and losing access to his own children. At a certain point he had a habit of violently assaulting his adoptive parents.

At her husband's funeral they referenced only one child. Everyone who knows her very well and for years knows the sad sad story there is. No-one said a thing about her supposed only child.

I imagine that - as life is ever so much more complicated than can be ideal - it may be that your colleague has a sad story. There may not be, of course, but tbh I think I'd leave it and operate on the assumption that she is not necessarily lying.

if she said things like she needs the week off because she need to take her child to the hospital for an operation when they don’t exist. Or crying in work because her child is seriously ill or asked for donations towards experimental medical treatment for her child then I would be keeping my distance. If she has lied about it over trivial things like PP said ‘ daughter went to tener wife last year and liked it’ or because like other posters have said about being widowed or dangerous dad then I would be completely fine with this and be supportive. It really depends how much she is idioma this lie and for what reasons

How do you know she doesn’t and has never had any children?

I don’t think I would cut off a colleague - they are just a colleague.

I would find it weird though.