MIL refused our gift

She has said that, just not in a way you like. She sounds really overwhelmed. You're not being unreasonable to be upset or annoyed by it, but I would just recognise it for what it is.

Oh, no worries. Several things that OP has said immediately suggested dementia to me.
My mum hid hers for a good couple of years (during lockdown).

Of course you would never consciously do anything to hurt your children! I’ve learned in the last few years that sometimes, sadly, it’s beyond our control.

Lots of us healthy people probably need to reframe our thinking.

Merry Christmas 😊

I’m sorry about that it sounds really upsetting, if that’s the case here then I’ve missed a massive update. The OP gave no indication that dementia might be relevant- organising house moves and holidays lends the impression that the MIL is in possession of all her faculties.

They might have thought about it but only from their own perspective. They didn’t think about what the recipient might like or want. Truly thoughtful gifts always please because they’re chosen to suit the person they’re given to.

As a one-off I agree, however from what else the OP has said, this person has considerable form for being a bit difficult, shall we say.

Did she have gifts for you? If not, perhaps she didn’t want to be faced with receiving something without the ability to give in return and was embarrassed and overwhelmed?

Under any circumstances thst is really quite rude. S Being stressed isn't a reason to cause stress for others. Lovely gesture from your DH. He has done absolutely nothing wrong. You are right to support him.

I’m sorry but no, you really don’t. On my last visit to my mum last week, my stepdad told me that the following morning, she asked him “who was that girl who was here yesterday”.

Unfortunately, I can’t speak for myself because I’ve no idea if I’ll be the same at 85. I hope not, obviously, because the me of now would rather end it all than hurt our beloved children or grandchild.

I’m afraid you don’t either.

Dementia is cruel and completely changes a person’s character. it’s not their choice or fault.

Maybe she doesn’t like cheese? I’m told it happens, unlikely as that seems 😁

Either way, no need to be so rude to another poster.

I 100% know that I never would make any child of mine feel like shit in such a way. Speak for yourself.

What are you on about.

The OP clearly stated they gave thought to buying cheese and crackers so the MIL wouldn’t have to think about making tea one day. The epitome of a thoughtful gift.

Perhaps.
No, you probably can’t but it’s quite likely that one day you will no longer be “you” and honestly, you’ve no idea how you will behave.

Nope, she is rude and an ungrateful and I’m not surprised DH has a strained relationship with her. Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how old you are, you always want your mother’s love and approval and it hurts when you don’t get it. It is probably better for him to go no or low contact. Enjoy your cheese and crackers!

Well, that would be the last gift I buy for her.

Short answer, yes it is rude. But how old is she? Moving house is stressful at the best of times, worse when you're older and it probably reminds you of people you've lost, and your own mortality. I hate to use the men are useless stereotype, but could she feel let down by him due to past behaviour? And at the very beginning of dementia, getting over stressed/being rude seem to be quite common, at least in people I've known of who had it.

Good for you!
Out with misogyny!

Completely agree.
There's no point posting what someone says when they're in a really bad place. We all say things we don't really mean when we're very upset about something.

This is not a key to her character. It's a key to the fact that someone is upset and needs a bit of sympathy.

MILs have feelings too.

I think she’s just stressed and possibly quite upset at leaving her home. I’d cut her some slack and give her the gift in the new year when she’s settled in.

I don't think anyone's suggesting it does. It wasn't OK for her to act as she did. But acting nastily isn't the same thing as being a nasty person overall. It doesn't hurt imo to show some understanding that someone might be struggling emotionally and not able to drum up the conventional responses to things.

It wasn’t thoughtful or she wouldn’t have refused it.

The fact that you can only recognise certain 'isms and not others says it all 😒

Honestly, I think she sounds at the end of her tether. It doesn't excuse her rudeness but it should make your DH realise it's not personal. Cut her some slack and try and help him realise that.

Being massively stressed doesn't give anyone the right to be nasty.

So was the gift for her or for your own gratification. I am speaking as someone who constantly tells my in laws we have no room in our flat and getting lots of (crappy) gifts is stressful and gives us the job of having to get rid of them, then they pile on the crap anyway.

She didn't want the gift. Take it back with grace. It was too overwhelming for her. If she acts a dick in other aspects then that's a different issue for another thread.