Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you drop this friend

209 replies

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:12

Old work colleague but we've kept in touch. Went to her wedding evening do back in September, I got them a lovely afternoon tea with voucher with champagne that cost circa £100 which is alot for me as I'm not that well off. Put the envelope on the gift table at the reception.
After the reception I hadn't heard anything for over a week so messaged "lovely reception, hope you enjoy the afternoon tea". The reply i got was "Yeah we are looking forward to it, we will have to get your address to send a thank you card". Not heard a word since.
I know people are busy, I know especially after a wedding (to be fair theirs was very casual) that people have stuff to do. But not even a text to say thanks, I had to message them and then nothing since. Is this rude?

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 23/12/2025 01:08

I wouldn't think it would be a reason to drop a friend, no.

Ella31 · 23/12/2025 00:59

Was it a uk based wedding. Here in Ireland, you usually send out the thank you cards 3- 6 plus months after the event. I dont think I've ever gotten or expected a thank you text afterwards and def not a week after the wedding. But I can appreciate it might be different in other countries.

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:56

Poms · 23/12/2025 00:54

You have a victim mentality

Show quote history

Ok 🤨

OP posts:
Poms · 23/12/2025 00:54

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:53

When I got married and writing the thank you cards I specifically asked for addresses. Hers was more, oh yeah, we are looking forward to it, we'll have to get your address to send a thank you. Which indicates they had no intention and the fact I've heard nothing since, especially a reminder for address, there was no intention in the first place

You have a victim mentality

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:53

When I got married and writing the thank you cards I specifically asked for addresses. Hers was more, oh yeah, we are looking forward to it, we'll have to get your address to send a thank you. Which indicates they had no intention and the fact I've heard nothing since, especially a reminder for address, there was no intention in the first place

OP posts:
Poms · 23/12/2025 00:51

OP, you seriously dislike this woman. For both your sakes I would leave well alone now.

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:48

Im starting to think I'm the "filler" friend. The one yiu invite to your 40th party (which cost me ££s to get there and was basically abandoned in london). The one you invite to a random burns party but don't answer your phone when i am completely lost and barely speak to me when I get there. The one who comes to my birthday but "forgets" a gift and acts like you don't want to make the effort and lastly doesn't thank me for a generous wedding gift.

OP posts:
Poms · 23/12/2025 00:47

SallyDraperGetInHere · 23/12/2025 00:44

When she said ‘I must get your address’ did you give it, or did you say ‘no need’?

Show quote history

She may well be wondering why you didn’t give your address when asked.

ETA: meant to quote OP

SallyDraperGetInHere · 23/12/2025 00:44

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:38

To be fair unless you're very close to people these days they don't generally know your exact address unless you entertain at home.

When she said ‘I must get your address’ did you give it, or did you say ‘no need’?

Redwinedaze · 23/12/2025 00:43

ive drifted from workplace friendships as we have moved workplaces, prob realised friendships were more centred around work, getting each other through the day, maybe you’ve drifted with life moving on?

SallyDraperGetInHere · 23/12/2025 00:43

You were invited, you accepted, you brought a gift. That’s the transaction. Of course you should have received a thank you note, but she liked you enough to invite you, and you liked her enough to attend, so can you not just forgive her busy life with three kids and say these things happen?

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:38

To be fair unless you're very close to people these days they don't generally know your exact address unless you entertain at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:37

We haven't no. I invited them to a party i was having in October but she said they were busy and had no contact since.

OP posts:
Poms · 23/12/2025 00:35

I think you don’t like her and you can’t really have been close if she doesn’t even know where you live. So, neither of you have anything to lose if you ‘drop’ her.

Redwinedaze · 23/12/2025 00:34

Must be more to it. That’s not a pattern of behaviour. Very generous gift for an evening invite though and yes a card would have been nice. Have you met each other since?

Rehab4rightmove · 23/12/2025 00:34

You don't like her very much, and her not thanking you after a week validated how you feel.

'I'm looking forward to it' demonstrates more gratitude than a simple Thank you.

I would be irritated to be chased after a week if i had just got married, had 3 children and wedding admin to complete.
Your thank you card might wait until the others had been written (especially if I didn't have your address).

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:30

Poms · 23/12/2025 00:28

But she asked for your address and you didn’t supply it.

Show quote history

She could have just said thank you via text i wouldn't have minded.

OP posts:
Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:29

She came to my 40th last year and "forgot my present ". I don't expect anything (believe i really don't) but she was so cold about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Poms · 23/12/2025 00:28

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:26

If she was Really going to send anything she would have followed up tbf. I know i would.

Show quote history

But she asked for your address and you didn’t supply it.

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:27

Poms · 23/12/2025 00:25

I’m not seeing the link tbh

Show quote history

Just a pattern, doesn't seem to care about my feelings

OP posts:
Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:26

AntonDeck · 23/12/2025 00:22

She needed your address. You didn't give it. YABU

If she was Really going to send anything she would have followed up tbf. I know i would.

OP posts:
Poms · 23/12/2025 00:25

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:23

Not to drip feed but when she turned 40 6 years ago I went to London to celebrate with her, her (now husband) and friends. It's a 2 hour train ride for me and i'd planned to get the train to St Albans to stay with my sister that night and her friend was going to get the train with me. On the night suddenly they were going to all stay hence me running around the tubes alone with my bil on the phone telling me which tubes to get to get the train to St Albans. I reached there in the end but my god was it a minefield considering I'm not from London.

I’m not seeing the link tbh

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:25

TaraRhu · 23/12/2025 00:20

She did text you! Yes, she doesn't overtly say thank you , but she clearly was thankful. Let it go. I wouldn't dump a friend for this.

No i text her, and she didn't say thank you, just yes we are looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:23

Not to drip feed but when she turned 40 6 years ago I went to London to celebrate with her, her (now husband) and friends. It's a 2 hour train ride for me and i'd planned to get the train to St Albans to stay with my sister that night and her friend was going to get the train with me. On the night suddenly they were going to all stay hence me running around the tubes alone with my bil on the phone telling me which tubes to get to get the train to St Albans. I reached there in the end but my god was it a minefield considering I'm not from London.

OP posts:
AntonDeck · 23/12/2025 00:22

She needed your address. You didn't give it. YABU

Swipe left for the next trending thread