Would you drop this friend

You chose to give a gift you can’t afford, she didn’t ask nor expect that. You easily could have chosen a £20 or £30 gift you felt more comfortable giving. Like many people, she’s likely just got caught up with life and hasn’t thought about it so your text prompted her.

She asked for your address to send a card and you wouldn’t give her it, instead you want to complain that she didn’t say thank you in the text…

Well technically she didn’t she just replied to the op text.

She did text you

You are investing too much time and money into this friendship. You are not a priority to her.

From what you've said I think they are waiting for you to send an address. They might have been surprised to receive such a generous gift from an evening guest, we didn't expect anything from evening guests.

Yep, agree.

You don't know how trains work? Really? You can't read a train timetable or navigate a tube journey using a tube map?

Honestly, it wouldn't occur to me that a functioning adult would need help to use trains and tubes. Do you have some kind of specific learning disability that makes normal life hard for you, and if so did you make your friend aware of it and that you have a high level of needs?

The expectation that an adult needs another adult to help them catch a train is pretty weird, and wouldn't occur to most people.

They’re a little bit preoccupied with being newlyweds right now.

Up to you if you drop her as a friend but I also would’ve expected a thank you message too - text would’ve sufficed.

It is rude but I wouldn’t drop a friend over it.

I think that you are a filler friend, as you said. So pick and choose what invites you want to accept and adjust your expectations. Would she have liked an afternoon tea? It was a lot of money to spend, she should have thanked your generosity, at least.

I think you might be overinvested in an old work friend as you refer to her. Do you consider her a close friend (regardless of where the friendship started) or is the old workplace structure part of why you are upset? Because this sounds like you were expecting a level of respect that you are not receiving. They didn't respect the effort you made..... Do you actually want a friend (with foibles and all), or do you want this person to finally respect you?

Personally, I think they have behaved ok, not great, but ok. If you want more, which is fine, btw, find a different friend or let this one go!

And I anticipate that if you reply, you might tell me you have lots of friends, most of which behave better. Or at least in a way you tolerate. All of which I 100% believe, because you sound smart and honourable, but this issue is clearly hitting a sore point ....why?

I also struggle with being underappreciated or unacknowledged. But I am old and ugly enough to realise that's a me problem.....not the recipient of my "gift", be that time, money or effort.

I think not saying thank you for gifts is out of order, but some people just don't get round to it. I wouldn't drop her as such, but wouldn't expect too much from her as a friend - she doesn't sound like someone you're very close to, but you might still enjoy her company at points in the future.

3 months after the wedding and not receiving a thank-you card or at least hearing from your friend, especially after you reminded her that you’re still here when inviting her to your October birthday, is rude of her.

Now that you’ve realised that she doesn’t really value your friendship as much as you thought she did, you’re remembering all the other times she’s disappointed you.

I would let this go, and don’t waste anymore time waiting for her to contact you.

She’ll probably next call when she needs a shoulder to cry on.

She assumed you aren't incompetent. London transport isn't hard, for heaven's sake - I live 200 miles away and it's straightforward.

You're needy and resentful.

The wedding was in September - how long does it take to thank someone for a gift? How long does it take to send someone a message asking for their address?

For those hard of reading: OP initially contacted her friend a week after the wedding, hasn't heard a word since.

oh come on, the train from St Pancras to St Albans is 31 minutes!! It’s why many people commute from St Albans. It’s hardly a long journey to a dangerous place with few people on the train .

Yes you had to navigate tubes beforehand but again, that’s something thousands of people who aren’t Londoners do every day.

You’re expecting a lot of attention from her. And she can’t give it.

It's just a train. You are surely more than capable of looking up a timetable.

How were you abandoned in London after her 40th party though? You were always going to go to St Albans, it was your responsibility to know which trains you needed for that. I appreciate your friend’s friend was meant to go with you, and then didn't, But is that really your mutual friend’s fault?

And when she said “we must get your address” one week after her wedding, why on earth didn’t you either give it to get it say no worries, you don’t need to send me a thank you card?!