Would you drop this friend

Listen OP, her manners aren't quite to the standard of yours.

Does that really matter though? I mean if that's the most important thing then yes drop the friendship - you don't need anyone else's permission to do this..

But where I object is that you are making assumptions based on her actions that are likely not true.

Ok so it was her birthday and she didn't pay a lot of attention to you getting there safely. She may have been stressed getting the party organised. I was on my last one, everything was going wrong. I didn't have bandwidth for checking up on people individually. They all managed to get there.

The wedding present - just because you would have sent thank you cards doesn't mean that she's great at that sort of thing. She did acknowledge your generous gift and hopefully when they go they will send you a photo and thank you properly. That's what I would do and that's what I've received from people too.

This doesn't mean you're the filler friend. Or maybe you are but not in a nasty way. Perhaps she has a big circle and you're not part of the inner circle. That can feel hurtful but it doesn't mean ill intent. It's just different sorts of people. Perhaps she has a different attitude to friends - my partner definitely does. He's not a bad person, he likes his friends but he doesn't get very attached, he's more family oriented.

My final point. From your posts, you are coming across like someone who wants to be right on this matter, to prove she's a bad person / friend and you're good. You're looking to be offended. It's really tiring to be on the receiving end of that. Don't be surprised if she steps away from you rather than the other way around.

You can’t work out how to get the tube to St Pancras and need someone to accompany you? Even if you’re not from London (nor am I) that is pretty pathetic from a grown adult.

Shes rude and ill mannered…as many are these days. I wouldn’t dump her as a friend for this but i most certainly wouldn’t be making any effort for future occasions.

My thank you cards had a wedding photo on the cover, so we had to wait for the photographer to send them and to get them back from the printers. Definitely didn’t happen inside of a week and I think the done thing is within a month. It was a bit rude to send nothing in the end but did you give her your address? I don’t see the link with having to get trains from London to St Albans, why did you need help from your brother?

You should have given them your address and waited to see if they sent you a thank you card.

why did you go breaking your bank with £100 gift you couldn't afford. That's not their fault, you chose to do that. They were only a former colleague. I would have given them a £50 John Lewis voucher which would have been fine for that type of relationship

I do agree that not saying thank you for a present is really rude though. I have reconciled it myself over the years. One particular friend, I could send them £1000 gift voucher and they'd never say thanks. It's something about upbringing I think. So I just let it go.

I know some people do photo cards which I wouldn't expect to be ready after a week. A month would be more likely.

Obviously cards only work when you give them the bloody address.

I agree this appears to be normal IME. Both DS and DD got married this year. After the wedding they had to wait for wedding pictures and then replicated one or more of the pictures on their thank you cards which had to be ordered and printed then hand written with personalised messages and posted. DD and husband finished theirs in November for their September wedding.

English wedding, I assumed it was the norm now for that type of thing, based on what they and their friends did.

If some people think this friends behaviour is ok they must be very rude and inconsiderate. A thank you card or at least a text is so low effort and easy to do. I wouldn’t dream of not saying thank you. Being busy isn’t an excuse. I’m busy but not rude.

I have noticed the last few years that people sending thank you cards after a wedding seems to have gone out of fashion for a lot of people

Your gift was very generous. However, gift cards impose admin and logistics. You have to store them and then find them, remember you have them and what they're for, check expiry dates (and, with some, fees). They would have to find and plan time and travel to get there, organise childcare, maybe get dressed up. Also, there are threads about some afternoon teas having become high cost and poor quality. I am currently wrestling with two £100 cards where I can only spend the exact value unless I travel to store and top up with cash, can't see anything I want or need to buy there anyway, and they expire soon. They are a bloody liability.

Change your expectations of what you expect from the relationship if you want to continue it. I don't think she has done anything particularly wrong except not making you a priority in her life.

Your friend still includes you in significant occasions but you are wanting more. She doesn't feel the need to do this so you have got to decide if her way of including you in her life is enough.

I would let this friendship drift.
Wait to hear from her.
Don’t rush to accommodate her invites, if it’s not convenient then don’t go.

Agreed. The London example is just weird.

It was only a week!

She should have said thank you in a message, but some people don’t get round to it or it doesn’t occur to them - it doesn’t necessarily mean they feel unappreciative of the gesture or gift. I think you’re a bit over invested in her and it’s healthier to talk about it with her rather than do the cowardly thing of dropping her.

OP in the real world this is rude behaviour. She should have thanked you. That was a lot to spend on afternoon tea. I would consider letting the friendship fade due to all the incidents where you felt taken for granted. Life is too short.

I think you are a lot more invested in her than she is in you and you’re coming across as quite needy imo.

You don’t think she meets your standards of friendship so why bother? Just accept you’re a casual friend.

Spending £100 on a gift as an evening guest is OTT imo and adding to be thanked after a week is a bit needy.

By three months after my wedding, I’d got PG, been extremely sick, had a MMC and was signed off sick from work with depression.

So I didn’t send the lovely thank you cards that I’d bought especially but everyone close enough to us to knew what we were going through understood.

Not everyone is simply rude.

Yes thank you notes are appropriate after a wedding. Yes no gift or a card at your 40th was a bit rude (unless she couldn’t afford it) The getting lost in London wasn’t her issue. I wouldn’t spend £100 for a friend if I was an evening guest. It sounds like you are more invested in this friendship than she is, maybe step back a bit.

I think she should have sent a thank you card by now.

I also think one week wasn’t enough time to leave it in the first place. It took us a lot longer than this to do thank you cards. But I understand a lot more time has passed now.

It was nice of you to give the afternoon tea but I think that’s a lot to spend on a friend. I would have spent a lot less (maybe twenty quid).

I think texting to nudge for a thank you a week after the wedding was incredibly bad manners — I wouldn’t expect a thank you card or message for a month or two at the earliest. And I don’t see how it’s this woman’s fault that her friend changed her plans to travel to St Albans after a party?

She is a bit off-hand with you, and should have given you a 40th present. So I’d take a step back.

You should have given your address though when she is asked, and you’re being pretty overdramatic about the train / tube situation.

Yes, you are the filler friend. You're willing to go out of your way to attend to someone who wouldn't (and doesn't) go out of her way for you.

Thank you cards...ugh. A verbal thanks is sufficient for me. I don't need anyone to consume time writing out a thank you card to send.

Golly these replies are mental! You all turn on the OP when clearly the friend is in the wrong. What kind of standards do you all have - she's been treated appallingly.

However I do think you should have taken the hint OP when she forgot your birthday present. Why on earth would you then spend £100 on a wedding present as an evening guest (or any guest)?

She clearly does not view you as that important, sorry to say.

i think you need to evaluate whether you want her in your life, as it comes across like you don't actually like her her much, and if that's the case (and it happens, life happens, people change) then move on.

yes she should have sent a thank you card - but you knew she didn't have your address, so why didn't you send her it when it was mentioned?

but the London thing is very odd. I can't understand why you are so aggrieved by that. I live in a very small town in Scotland, but can navigate my way around London on the very odd occasion I am there.

life is too short - if you don't want to be friends with someone it's ok not to be.