Would you drop this friend

A year's not long if you're busy. I would find an afternoon tea an effort to fit in. I'm sure many people love them, but the life admin around vouchers can be a complete pain. We used to get quite a lot of vouchers. We found some really awkward to spend, being specific to things we don't use or do as a priority. There can be expiry dates or fees to keep track of. You have to store them without losing them. A few simply ended up in the bin. An expiring voucher needs arrangements making to use it. The sort that have a bank card number can't be used in the same transaction with another card. You might have to draw cash out and travel to store to spend it. Often you can't get change if you underspend, so have to find clutter to add to the bill. I have two £100 vouchers which expire soon that will be a real mission to spend. I recently sifted a dozen restaurant vouchers. I gave away chains we don't use, threw out £60 of expired ones, and only managed to spend a couple.

Right so I think you're being unreasonable here because:

-You basically got to her first before she could pro-actively mention your gift, only a week after her wedding. You could have chosen to comment on how you'd enjoyed the reception without mentioning your present.
-She then says they're looking forward to it and she'll have to get your address to send a thank you card.
-You (inexplicably) neither give her your address nor tell her there's no need to send you a thank you card.
-Three months go by and you're miffed she's not asked for your address nor sent you a thank you.
-It's only been three months, the afternoon tea voucher is valid for a year, and I suspect she's been planning on sending you a thank you when they've used the voucher since she knows you know she has it safely.

Yes it would be nice if she sent you a thank you card, but you probably interrupted the process.

As for her party and you travelling on trains, I'm sorry but what you said is quite precious. It's irrelevant that you live 2 hours from London. So do many people who come into London. You said at first that you were "running around the tubes" and then you said that the "tubes were not working" (well clearly some were or you wouldn't have been running around them) and that your BIL had to help navigate you to St Pancras from East London. But East London to St Pancras is about 30 mins give or take, and there are tube workers and google maps and other apps to help you. Y

You say an issue was it was 11:30 but lots of (older) teenagers and young people use the tubes at that time of night quite safely. Your friend wasn't out of order for not checking that you were OK getting home.

But were there not many people? Trying to work out why you weren’t invited to the main thing.

I guess are you happy to still have her friendship as it is?

I dont think it was ‘too much’ just very generous. I think it was lovely of you. But it sounds like youre a better friend to her than she is to you. Was the main wedding quite small?

You did a lovely thing. Some people are just a bit rude. I know similar people. It’s not really personal but it’s not great.

I can tell.

But going from tolerating BS behaviour (from best friend) is the same as "dropping" current friend for no thank you text... its avoiding conflict by either aversion or people pleasing. And its leaving you with a diminishing circle of friends or being taken advantage of.

You need to work on facing difficult conversations and then talk to this friend and see if it can be resolved with an apology

She's rude.
Stop chasing this friendship.
That was a huge present for an evening do.
Too much IMO.

@ARunByFruiting Ok, she perhaps could have made more of an effort to thank you. Not everyone does handwritten notes these days - I would still send handwritten notes to certain family members but texts to friends - although I agree that ‘‘I’ll have to get your address’ probably was her asking for it.

I don’t think, however, most people would expect to help their friend navigate across London on the tube unless there was a specific reason, like being non-English speaking or knowing that they were a really nervous/inexperienced traveller. You’re in your forties - are you ok with technology? Google Maps will really tell you everything you need to know to navigate the tube, and tube maps are easy to use.

Some posters have noticed that you seem a bit inflexible in your thinking - this stood out to me too. Not seeing ‘I’ll have to get your address’ as actually being the request for your address really stands out to me. I say this because my brain can work that way too - I have ADHD, which can have traits which overlap with autism. When I was younger, I could be an extremely black-and-white thinker about what people said. I was actually pretty emotionally intuitive about people but I would get tied up in knots about the actual language they used and question my intuition.

Lots of people are quite slapdash/imprecise about the language they use - no criticism of others; we’ve all got different strengths and weaknesses - and this could cause problems for me with my language-focused brain. I can imagine teenage or even twenties me thinking ‘ah, she’s said that she’ll have to get my address. That means she’s busy now but she will ask for it in the future when she’s got time to send a thank you’. Now, I laugh a bit at my own ridiculousness in some situations, but at the same time I try to think kindly about my brain; the upside, of course, is that precision and detail focus can be a strength academically and professionally.

That’s my longwinded way of asking if you are, or think you might be, neurodivergent?

All that sounds so much more important than this thank you text stuff.

You need to work on facing conflict, you need to tell the people youre close to when theyre being inconsiderate or hurtful to you and hold them accountable for fixing it with you.

Otherwise youll risk losing good friends. Im sorry about your best friend

Sorry that was very unclear.

I could absolutely believe that. But you dont become more arresting by just avoiding conflict and cutting people off.

Thats all horrific. She should have supported you, its terrible she didnt. And the consequences of that were unthinkable. Especially as I imagine you were close to her daughter.

And your relationship must have been new if you were also on apps. So this friend not standing by you must have hurt.

I can understand why that would be a reason to end a friendship. But you sound like youre still angry and then over reacting to slight infringements. Im not saying your friend is perfect but they are minor things you could discuss, sounds to me like you need more goof friends not less

You are not friends, you are acquaintances. This is a low effort friendship. People you only see at parties, special occasions etc. You dont talk or meet up beyond that.
There's nothing wrong with that as long as you know thats your place with her.

You seem to be holding alot of resentment towards her. Probably because you thought your friendship was deeper than it was and feel hurt by her seemingly indifference to you. Drop her if you are not happy with being an acquaintance.

I wouldn't drop her but I wouldn't try with her again until she prompts. I would be open to letting it go, but also be prepared to never hear from her again. A lot of people go off in a new direction when they get married. It happens.