Do you even like your adult sibling?

Timely question. I don't like my brother about 80% of the time. I don't know if I love him or not. I do occasionally hate him. I think I've become numb around him.

He can sometimes be sweet and funny but he's a selfish, misogynist alcoholic whose stunted at the age of about 14. He can't go a day without referencing arseholes and bodily functions or other prurient subjects. He's 41.

He's someone who holds a grudge and relays the same anecdotes about how he has been wronged over and over but won't take responsibility for himself. Instead, will make endless excuses as to why whatever misogynistic, racist thing he said is OK (usually boils down to 'I heard it from a woman/black person so you can't complain'🙄). Or wallows in self pity. He takes no interest in me and most of his conversation revolves around him.

If I ever react to some disgusting thing he says he'll turn it round on me and make out I am unreasonable. Basically, he wants free rein to 'be himself' in his words without anyone ever pissing on his chips by having their own feelings about his behaviour.

He is quick to anger. Has regularly punched lampposts/walls then shown me the injury in an attempt to offload his rage, as if it is somehow my responsibilty. He often talks about feeling as if he could kill someone.

He lives with my mother who alternates between rejecting him and enabling him in a babying way. Both my parents had explosive arguments when I was young and there was abuse within the house.

I have some sympathy at times as we were both fucked over by our parents but I've come to the conclusion that he is practically emotionally illiterate and there is no point attempting connection with him as the part of his brain that processes nuance and understanding in relationships must be missing.

Thanks, that helped.

Really?! I’ve had the opposite experience not just with my own sibling but friends and their siblings

I have 4 siblings and love every one of them. We all get on great! My DH on the other hand is 1 of 6 and only really speaks to one of them!

I love both my sisters. One lives up the road and the other one lives 1000s of miles away - but we talk every few days and see each other once a year.

After many years living in different countries with little contact and a narc mother who played us off against each other I’ve found I have little to nothing in common with them. We have had different life experiences both growing up in the same house and by living different lives in different countries. As children I would have said we were close but now we can’t even hold a simple conversation with each other without it being awkward.

I understand siblings don’t have to like each other but I do really hope my children do maintain a close bond as adults.

My brother is lovely, my sister on the other hand is awful. Far far too many incidents to mention here. In some ways I feel sorry for her as I think she must have some serious mental health concerns to behave the way she has over the years.

No he’s a horrid person.

I have only one sister, I adore her.

Very few adult siblings I know see each other regularly, quite a few live in different countries. I can only think of one who is anything like close, so please don't think you're unusual. Even kids tend to prefer playing with friends than siblings, so it is quite natural that once you're grown up and can make your own choices, you choose not to be with them often.

We exchange texts on birthdays and xmas. That is it really.
I have nephews but I would not recognise them in the street.

No, I wouldn’t say I love them either. I just see them as my Mum’s other kids. We don’t speak or see each other unless it’s at family event.

I love them and really enjoy spending time with them. We have such a good laugh and I know they would have my back if I needed it.

I’m sorry that happened to you and your family. Don’t hold onto guilt we’re all guilty of thinking we have all the time in the world but it doesn’t always work out like that. It’s so easy to have regrets when something bad happens but you did what you did for a reason. Doesn’t mean you can’t remember the good times. Hope you’re ok

No, not at all.

We can’t stand each other, and he has bullied me for my whole life, physical and mental abuse too.

I’ve been no contact for a good few years now, with his family, and him with mine. I’m much happier without the useless git in my life.

I had one sibling. We were best friends as kids and teens. But in our 20’s we drifted. I didn’t understand his life choices and we argued. Eventually we were nc. He died by suicide a couple of years ago. I would give anything to go back and just accept we were different but still have kept some kind of contact. Even just the bare minimum. I miss him so much even though we didn’t see each other in the few years before he died. I just think about us as kids all the time.
Dh has loads of siblings. I think he’s so lucky but they all take each other for granted.

I have the opposite experience - when we were younger me and my brother hated each other and did anything we could to cause trouble for the other! But now we’re older I’m 35 he is 33 we live next door but one to each other and he’s the first person I ring when I’m having a crisis and vice versa

Yes, I get on with my sibling.

Don't hardly see each other but speak on average twice a week on the phone

No, my brother is a cunt and my sister is an attention seeking flake.

They’re nice enough but we have completely different values. Hard to believe we’re related.

One brother, going on 15 years no contact. Manipulative, emotionally abusive and prejudiced with a superiority complex, yet 'charming' outside the home. I cut contact as soon as I could, and have no interest in ever seeing if his core values change. Just another person in the world sadly

Yes I love my 2 years older brother. He can be a bit grumpy at times but his heart is in th3 right place and he’d always be there for me.

I have 2 siblings and the 3 of us have never really got on. We are 3 completely different characters and have completely opposing lifestyles.

I speak to my sister maybe once every couple of years at most. I rarely see her. I’ve not seen or spoken to my brother for at least 5 years. I’m pretty sure they also aren’t in contact with each other.

I don’t really give it a second thought. They just aren’t part of my life.

Nope,have one older sibling and our lives couldn’t be anymore different if we tried.

They are manipulative, obnoxious liars who would sell their granny for their next alcoholic drink.

not my kind of person, have been no contact for 5 years.

I love my sibling completely, but I’m not friends with them. We are very different and they make choices and behave in ways I don’t agree with - nothing shocking or unforgiveable, just things that bother me and can impact my and my kids lives.

I like my sibling and I think it’s mutual, but we are totally different and have absolutely nothing in common whatsoever. We’ll never be close because of that. But we get on fine.