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Original poster

to feel sad that I meant so little to my ex?

65 replies

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:15

My ex of 2 years went from discussing marriage and children to breaking up a month later six months ago. I was utterly heartbroken as I thought he was the love of my life. On the day we split he told me he loved me and I was his best friend but didn't think we could overcome certain things (that he had never raised before so that we even had a chance to work them out).

After this, I never heard from him again. That really surprised me as I thought he would check in at some point.

During the time we were together he was getting a PhD and those were dark times. He was frequently in a low and difficult mood throughout the process, I was there giving him pep talks and lifting him up. On the day he got his result I laughed and cried happy tears, we went to celebrate etc.

So I haven't looked at his social media at all until a few days ago I saw the acknowledgements he wrote for his PhD - he thanks his family, then he thanks his EX WIFE, and not only that, but his bloody ex wife's cat was mentioned as moral support throughout.

I'm upset because break ups happen but it has made me realise just how little I ever meant to him. I still feel he was the love of my life so far so to see that nonsense in print and know he thinks so little of our relationship together hurts a lot. And also to realise what a prat he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 17:00

@chattychatchatty it's the fact he chose to never contact me again yet maintain a close friendship (or whatever) with his ex wife.

I didn't necessarily expect a mention - his family makes sense - but to include his ex wife when I was there day to day? Those acknowledgements are to thank people who were present in the moment. By mentioning the ex wife but not me who was actually by his side is like the middle finger.

OP posts:
TheRealMagic · 22/12/2025 16:59

I'm a bit confused by the timing - it sounds like you were still with him for his viva, so surely when he wrote his acknowledgements? Did he write this when you were together?

chattychatchatty · 22/12/2025 16:54

Totally understand you feeling hurt and that he should have made mention of you ; but equally, you two are completely out of contact whereas he must still be in contact with ex W. So to mention you and your cat in the post might have seemed out of place; I’m sure that doesn’t mean he’s forgotten all about you, though, nor that he doesn’t appreciate the time you had together.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:50

@XWKD I blocked him on one social media platform - it's the only place he posts updates on his life and could see mine.

I didn't block his number and he's never reached out.

OP posts:
mamajong · 22/12/2025 16:49

Stop looking back, youre not going that way. Block him on all socials and focus on building the life you want. Sometimes we cant get answers we want or closure, its ok to wallow and feel sad for a little bit, but 6 months down the line, stop checking his socials and let it go.

XWKD · 22/12/2025 16:49

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:41

My anger is belated because I blocked him months ago but just thought I'd have a 'last look' at his social media. This is the consequence. 🙃

If you blocked him, why did you expect him to check in on you?

AnxiousArmadillo · 22/12/2025 16:48

And also to realise what a prat he is.
I love this line OP. Stick with it.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:48

@dijonketchup do you mean by saying all that stuff about how I was his best friend and loved me etc? Fine way of showing it eh.

Although I'm angry now I'm actually glad I unblocked and had a look - because I've been romanticising him as this great guy I lost.

I don't think that acknowledgement covers him in glory to all the friends and family who knew me. At least an eyebrow or two raised surely.

OP posts:
x2boys · 22/12/2025 16:47

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:40

@Sartre he literally spent his time writing the PhD with me and MY cat. Who died before he finished it. So all three of us lived together.

Yeah the erasure angers me. I can't help it. It hurts to not be the one he wanted to marry. His ex wife left him and I suspect he's barking up the wrong tree trying to get her back. But who knows.

Either ,he doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about him ,
Im not trying to hurt you but for whatever reason he just didnt feel the relationship was working
He's allowed to feel that however painful it is for you
It honestly isn't a reflection on you .

dijonketchup · 22/12/2025 16:45

Does it not help a bit OP, to find out how ridiculous he was being during the breakup?

You might have carried a torch a bit longer given he was the ‘love of your life,’ now you can write him off completely as ‘that dick that thanked his ex wife in his PhD’ and it’s a great story…

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:41

My anger is belated because I blocked him months ago but just thought I'd have a 'last look' at his social media. This is the consequence. 🙃

OP posts:
Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:40

@Sartre he literally spent his time writing the PhD with me and MY cat. Who died before he finished it. So all three of us lived together.

Yeah the erasure angers me. I can't help it. It hurts to not be the one he wanted to marry. His ex wife left him and I suspect he's barking up the wrong tree trying to get her back. But who knows.

OP posts:
Elektra1 · 22/12/2025 16:40

He wasn’t the love of your life because he didn’t choose you. I’m sorry that’s harsh but it’s true. When my ex left me for OW I really felt I’d lost the love of my life too. I still feel sad about it sometimes but realised she wasn’t the love of my life because if she had been, she could never have treated me that way.

Time is a great healer. You are a special person and anyone you’re with should think you’re the most amazing person they’ve ever met. Not just “nice for now”.

GooseyGandalf · 22/12/2025 16:39

I don’t think you should feel like a fool, but there are lessons to be learned.

It sounds like a relationship where you were giving a lot more than you were getting back. Why did that dynamic feel comfortable to you? I don’t mean the logical reasons, I’m talking about the basic emotional comfort level. Did it mimic a relationship dynamic you observed as a child, were you subconsciously role playing a fix to your parents marriage, etc.

Happyjoe · 22/12/2025 16:37

When I was younger and had a difficult break up, I would go get a bottle of champers, nothing but the best, lol. Drink it all (or as much as I could manage), allow myself one teary, drunken night to howl and cry, then next morning vow to move on. You know, it worked wonders. I refused to let my mind wander to 'what if's' or 'how could he...'. That stuff eats up your soul.

Not that am telling you to get drunk, lol, but perhaps allow yourself one more day to feel everything you need to feel then try to let it go and let him go mentally. You can't change people, just the way you react to it. Good luck OP, I hope you find some peace soon.

Sartre · 22/12/2025 16:35

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:29

@Sartre and yet it was him that brought up wanting to have kids, discussing timeline etc, one month before. Even saying he loved me during the break up.

I feel badly treated and regret the time wasted. I feel like a fool. It's like seeing my foolishness in print. There's the proof.

My family also took him out for a fancy meal when he got his PhD as they welcomed him as part of the family (especially since his own family were abroad).

At this time of year, I would try super hard not to sit overanalysing it. You’re clearly worth more than a cat in the real world, he’s just an asshat. I’d guess he’s trying to get back with his ex wife, if they aren’t already together again. Men are pretty transparent, they tend to leave when they have someone else in mind.

Baby2duejuly2026 · 22/12/2025 16:35

If you were my friend I’d be telling you yes it’s hurtful, yes it’s horrible to break up and I’m sure you supported him but… you need to move on. Even if you are still missing him or hurting you need to come off his social media, mute him if you have to or unfriend him.

2 years is a decent chunk but… it’s not LONG long term. You will find someone who values you and everything will make sense.

Maybe he was talking to his ex wife during your relationship, maybe he wasn’t, who knows. Maybe he’s got closer to her since you broke up which is why he mentioned her on his post, who knows.

Breath and let go

Boomer55 · 22/12/2025 16:31

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:19

@Boomer55 the problem is I never got the chance. I was in such shock when he told me he was leaving me I was completely calm and gave him the 'bye then' treatment, got him to send back only important belongings.

I now regret not giving him a piece of my mind. And I can't help wondering why he stayed so close to his ex wife and yet never spoke to me again?

I don’t know - people (both sexes) do odd and unpleasant things at times. But, it’s best for you to just move forwards now - you can’t change it. 😉

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:29

Break ups happen. People can leave. It just felt like a final kick in the teeth. Even the ex wife's cat mentioned!

OP posts:
Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:29

@Sartre and yet it was him that brought up wanting to have kids, discussing timeline etc, one month before. Even saying he loved me during the break up.

I feel badly treated and regret the time wasted. I feel like a fool. It's like seeing my foolishness in print. There's the proof.

My family also took him out for a fancy meal when he got his PhD as they welcomed him as part of the family (especially since his own family were abroad).

OP posts:
Sartre · 22/12/2025 16:27

UneFoisAuChalet · 22/12/2025 16:24

I only thanked my mother. Not my husband even though he was there at the tail.

He probably didn’t want to look back at it years later and see the name of someone he dated for a brief period of time.

2 years isn’t 2 months and he was happy to mention his other ex. Granted they were married but how long were they together?

I didn’t acknowledge anyone from my personal life in mine, only my supervisor.

x2boys · 22/12/2025 16:27

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:26

@LiftAndLetLift yes and his ex wife divorced him. I think it shocked me, as now I think he was holding a candle the whole time we were together.

It's hard to think otherwise.

Well than you are better off out of it.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:26

@LiftAndLetLift yes and his ex wife divorced him. I think it shocked me, as now I think he was holding a candle the whole time we were together.

It's hard to think otherwise.

OP posts:
x2boys · 22/12/2025 16:25

LorettaYoung · 22/12/2025 16:22

@x2boys yes he did but they divorced and they had no kids.

I was the one that was by his side during the PhD, only now I'm realising she must have been providing ongoing virtual support.

What hurts is being erased from his life.

I get that but its over for your own sake its healthier to just move on
You will drive yourself mad wondering why ,its just not worth it.

Sartre · 22/12/2025 16:25

The wake up call should be both the fact he dumped you suddenly and has had nothing to do with you since- not the actions of a man in love I’m afraid. Also that he clearly never lost touch with his ex wife who evidently means a lot to him, hence the gushing acknowledgement.

PhD’s are brutal so it’s shit he used you for support then ditched you when it was over but it says a lot about his character. You’re better off without. Block him.