To not let children have Xmas lunch with grandparents when parents are divorcing

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSnKZEVisnE/?igsh=OW0zNGJ1eDBzdnh6

The Legal Queen covers this on Instagram.

Good luck!

Put lots of laxatives in something for him tomorrow. He will be on the toilet for a while and not feeling great christmas day so youll all have to stay home...

What a tough situation to be in OP. 💐 What is currently the plan for Christmas? Has he adapted at all or are you still in conflict over it?

Hoping for a quick divorce for you. You deserve to be free of this drama.

Why not let them go it will give you some you time and give them some time with the kids I think it's fair just because you are divorcing doesn't mean the kids should suffer think about them and their needs not yours or your ex's.

I actually disagree with this. My children want to see us both Christmas day, so one has Christmas Eve/Christmas morning and the other Christmas dinner, Christmas night. They like it that way and it works for me and ex too. I would hate to have to alternate! (which will probably be happening fairly soon as two have partners).

Given the circumstances OP I would not allow Christmas lunch. Your children are young so won't give a second thought to who they are having Christmas lunch with, but why should you miss out because of ex and his parents actions? The fact they all would quite happily see you eating alone says it all.

Next year you can make plans (in advance) between yourselves.

Sounds to me like he wants everything his way and is using the kids as a weapon. Stick to your guns, it may mean you have to be extremely strong and take him to court so as everything is legally bound.

Funnily enough my mum often struggled to be a mother when I was a kid and still often does and she is a fragile person, and she threatens suicide a lot since my dad died, she actually really fits the profile of someone with borderline personality disorder but it's hard getting anyone to diagnose her and treat her properly for it so the same cycles continue! She can be very mentally abusive and I'm not sure how much she realises it as she tends to feel a victim all the time.

When is he intending to move out??

It disheartens me how often I see threads on here where women have been ditched by their partners and left with a baby that's just months old. There needs to be conversations where the man acknowledges just how much a child will impact his life and whether it works with their job or if they are compatible with fatherhood, they need to say they don't want to have a child rather than walk away within months of birth!
How do they think it's fair to only be a dad one day a week etc when the mothers have no choice! They don't get all that freedom and me time and they have to fit the kids around other commitments in life.

Why is it standard advice not to leave though? I thought most people did leave if they and to end the marriage.

Agree they all sound like a bunch of c**ts.

but sometimes giving people what they want is the best revenge. Use it to bargain hard.

Op - time to get strategic.

If he takes them for lunch this year, you get next year. You will be in a much better place by then, so will enjoy it more.

also 10 month old will start to understand Christmas next year, so keep your powder dry.

i get it though. It’s horrible. My ex couldn’t give a shit about Xmas but insisted on alternate years and I still feel a bit sad when it’s not my year.

However, I do Xmas again on Boxing Day and now have some traditions for a blissful Xmas day of child free luxury and have some friends in same situation.

And it is so hard for women/mothers to buck the trend as I set out above because they will be called psychos/selfish/all sorts and told they are not putting their dc first.

Let’s be honest.
Men will stay in the marital home with their wife and kids because, generally, they are able to compartmentalise easier than women. So they can continue to play happy families far easier than women. Also, they know they know they can continue to go out and about more than their wife does because, as usual, the wife thinks about childcare more than their husband does. Likewise if the wife decides to go out they will be worried whether husband will feed/bathe/put dc to bed properly so often decide to cancel. Also, most times in this situation the wife will say if they are cooking for the dc they would be petty not to cook for dh too and if they didn’t cook for dh they would be accused of all sorts. Same with laundry. Same with housework. The man stays in the house (unless he has another woman to move in with) because pretty much none of his life changes except for the fact he is now single, ergo his wife can’t have a go at him.
Tell me I’m wrong.

This unfortunately. When l split up with my first husband then l was told to not leave the then marital home. It’s pretty standard advice. But conversely l wouldn’t be running round after him either. It would be very much separate lives and only talking about child related matters

What do you think the options are here exactly?

Legally you cannot remove someone from the home they own. Its not even an option, what do you think OP can or should do here?

She can seek all the legal advice she wants, and should do actually as Ive said much earlier but, it wont result in him being forced to leave

Absolutely no way should he be taking the children to his parents. Keep some of the 4 year old’s presents for later so he doesn’t get away with that stunt.
what kind of a man leaves the mother of a 10 month old?! And what kind of ghastly in laws support that?!

It is true he can't be forced out (I can't get my stbexh to move out either but I am surprised the solicitor advises this. What are the disadvantages for him? Is it because he can't afford to pay rent on a house? Can't he move in with his parents?

Hi op how awful for you. He is being such a selfish twat and his parents. If you’re that crazy why are they leaving the kids with you 6 days a week. Your dh doesn’t get to dictate to you anymore. Op will he wake up and just drive them over there do you not get any say in it. Is he cheating? If he puts you through this on Christmas Day you tell him straight it will be the last one unless Xmas falls on Saturday and his dp will only see them on his days don’t you accommodate any of them. What type of dad fucks his kids off for 6 days a week so he can work. Does he even love them? I would be looking at getting out asap because he is a controlling abusive bastard he obviously takes after his dp. The lot of them are a disgrace taking kids away from their mum on the one day they could leave them therea and see them without food.

He chooses divorce he chooses to leave you home alone and he says you’re crazy. See your solicitor again explain what he’s doing. He’s not going to play nice. Can you go somewhere overnight and leave them with him until Boxing Day. I think I would do anything to scupper his night time.

It doesn’t sound like you’re going to be able to successfully prevent this from happening this year. So start planning next year. - next year is your turn with the kids. You get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day - maybe you could go and visit your sibling? Or if it’s not too far, your parents. Then the year after they can do Christmas with Dad and his parents again. You can’t share the day if it’s always going to be you all on your own all afternoon. That’s not fair or healthy for you.

That,

his decision so children stay with you in their environment and if he only wants to have them one day a week then he will have to forget about the other days otherwise albeit to another more shared future plan.

And if grandparents haven’t been respectful to you. I wouldn’t facilitate that!