To not let children have Xmas lunch with grandparents when parents are divorcing

What did you do in the end? I hope you got your first Christmas with your baby and 4 yr old x

So you noticed the age of the children and still think it might be better for them to go to their grandparents house on Christmas day?

Of course and I’m also a grandparent.

You do need to get a cast iron contact arrangement worked out via the courts with the diary worked out years, if possible, in advance. This is very usual. I'm sorry for how much pain you are going thru I know it is agonising. But it does get better in time as long as you don't have to ping pong about this sort of nonsense. Take care.

Have you read tge thread? Do you have children?

That’s not for me to decide.

You need to re read the post, I said the children’s needs should be put first, not that they needed to see their grandparents. You missed the word if.

Ah yes, what 4 year old and 10 month old would prefer to be with their actual mum on Christmas Day? Very important for them to spend it with their grandparents and with their dad, who has decided to only see them on Saturdays going forwards. Are you hard-of-understanding?

If you haven’t already I would document everything with regards to the children. Times/ dates/ demands/ refusals. Diarise everything. You might need it at some point.

Why would it be in their best interests to be with their grandparents on Christmas day rather than their mother though?

Are you bonkers? Why should she take the 24th? How about he does the 24th since he is barely parenting and wants saturdays anyway.

The children should be put first. If it’s in their interest to see their grandparents on Christmas Day then that’s how it should be.

Say no you’re a huge cunt and can have them the day I chose. Then hope his nuts get trapped in the freezer

It sounds like you need some support. How did Christmas day work out? Start playing hardball via your solicitor. As his parents have already turned on you, treat them with caution.

I had a difficult divorce from a man who no sooner had you arranged something than he changed it. Basically in the end we had alternate Christmas’s with the children. When they went away I would arrange to go away or go some where else, don’t spend it on your own but I couldn’t face family Christmas with other children. When they came back on the years they weren’t with me we had an alternative Christmas special meal never turkey but they chose. They could each invite a friend. They would lay the table and make it look nice with things like crackers and decorations. It’s not the same as Christmas but you can find your own way to have a good time

I really think you need to contact domestic abuse charities for support.

But wouldn't the amount you are entitled to be the same regardless of whether you stay in the house?

Then you have a good reason to say no, don't you.

The baby is too young to be away from you for an extended period too - 2 hours in the afternoon (after lunch) is ideal.

Stick to your guns op! Good luck 👍

He wants to exclude you for a large part of Christmas, how would he feel if he was excluded from Christmas morning? He needs to understand that he is not being prevented from enjoying Christmas with his children, so it is unreasonable to expect you to be. Suggest he goes to his parents house on Christmas Eve night and returns to collect the children at noon on Christmas day

obviously that would be no good for the kids, more confusing, etc. but might get it through his thick skull that that’s essentially what he’s asking of you, though probably not as he sounds completely self absorbed.

my child would not have tolerated being away from me for more than an hour or so at 10 months, now three and a half and still wouldn’t be happy if it was a day they expected to spend with me.

People typically leave in the end but not at this phase of the game. Basically it is thought doing so can weaken your negotiating position, create financial strain (paying for two homes), affect child custody arrangements and delay settlement. In my situation it focused my ex husband on buying me out of the house -l didn’t care if he bought me out or if we sold it. Problem is he thought l should walk away with the clothes on my back and nothing else so didn’t want to give me anything at all. However, legally l was entitled to way more due to the length of our relationship and what l had put into the house e.g. mortgage payments, DIY, work done on the house, furniture etc

So, basically he wants a child-free life, until it suits him to wheel them out for his parents at Christmas (& presumably any other family occasion of his choosing!) What a selfish prick!
Honestly, the older I get, the more disappointed with men I become.
I’ve got 3 children & for the majority of their lives (due to my husband’s job) I brought them up pretty much by myself…so trust me, there were many, MANY times, I’d like to have been a 1-day-a-week mum…but it never seems to work like that for women-in fact, could you even IMAGINE a woman saying that to her partner?!?!
I’m sorry your partner is such a selfish twat, OP. No advice for you, but I’m sighing in disappointed rage for you!

No fucker would be taking my 10 month old baby away from me. Tell him it's not happening.
Your kids will be staying with you for lunch, he can have them later on in the day for a short visit at the most.

The only thing I would suggest (and I know it is very early days for you) is don’t get into the one up man ship thing that lots of separated parents do. Ex gets an expensive present for dc so other parent gets an even better present…parent takes them on holiday so other parent would take on better/more expensive holiday. That is what your ex is already starting to do by saying he will bribe your 4yr old with extra presents to go with him on Christmas Day. You do not want to be party to this behaviour because they turn out like spoiled brats.
Consider and do what you would think is normal and regular for your dc always keeping their best interests at heart and protecting yourself also.

it is ok to say that this year due to all the revelations you want your dc at home (ex is welcome to join if you are comfortable with that) but do not make any promises for what happens in the future. Acknowledge the email and say you will be in touch once you have had legal advice.

Remember, mentally he is way ahead of you in this process - he will he thought all this through many times - now give yourself time to catch up. And like a pp said do not put anything in writing that he can you use against you down the line. Be neutral at all times.

💪🏼You’ve got this

You need to put your foot down. So far he’s dictating everything. When he stays, what day he has the kids , what Xmas looks like. If you do not put a stand now, you’ll find he will drag you down for the next 17 years.

It’s clear he doesn’t want custody full time. So he’s not going to fight you long term.

Id buy a ready meal roast for each of you and serve it at 11am before I let him dictate the day. He can take the kids for dinner to his parents.

Tell him he’s going to have to physically take the kids from you, and in which case you’ll call the police for assault. Sometimes with men like this, you’ve got to play them at their own game.

OP, how exactly is he going to stop you from cooking early? And the 4 year old may want to go for more presents but not til after dinner. (Start traditions how you want them now!) And if you like, have some more presents for when they get back? Make it as fun as possible with you! You are doing all the work anyway! :)