Things my DH has found to do while we are trying to leave for Christmas

Sounds like a delaying tactic 😂

When I was a child my usually lovely dad used to sit in the car waiting for my mum to get myself and sibling ready etc. Once we were all in the car he'd then announce he had to do something in the garage and disappear for half an hour. It drove my mum mad, and I can absolutely see why.

My cousin’s ExH did this all the time. She was late or missed a lot of family events over the years because of his behaviour. He did this to control her. He was a nasty, abusive man. The entire family cheered the day she announced she was divorcing him.

My DH can be a bit like this but now we know on his case that it's ADHD. Like, we'd be on our way out the door and he has to mow the lawn or put up some shelves and it's always something long overdue (weeks, or sometimes months) so I feel like I'd better let him do it or it might be months before the mood takes him again.

It wasn't because he didn't want to go to where we were going but I think maybe something about suddenly getting into 'doing something' mode, but it does sound like displacement activity in the case of OP

I mean, isn’t this why the baby Jesus was born in a manger? Because Mary left booking a hotel to Joseph? I always assumed so, since men faffing about when Christmas things need to happen (including travel) is as old as time immemorial. Before Jesus, they were probably mowing the lawn before lighting the menorah on Hanukkah. Before that, they probably had to power wash the ziggurat on Mesopotamian holidays. YABU and you are not alone, @Bluebells81 😂Hope you arrive before Boxing Day!

My dad does this frequently and it's so stressful for my poor mum trying to get him out of the house. I wonder if it's slight social anxiety etc but bloody annoying for you O.P. I hope you are en route now x

Mine changed my car battery on the morning of our wedding 🤨

That’s an impressive list of ways to avoid something!
What do you think is making him so uncomfortable?

Have you divorced him yet? 😆

Seriously though, is he doing all this because he wants to control the situation or is he genuinely clueless?

You're a saint for tolerating this, OP!

My exH was the opposite (but still really annoying). We'd together decide that we would leave at, say, 12 noon. So I'd get myself packed up, finish off various housework chores (he did fuck all) all timed to be done by about 11.30 am. And then at 10 am, he'd say we had to leave, and why wasn't I ready 🤬 So, so glad he's an ex!

I just read this to my DH and he looked very sheepish. I will never forgot the year I was trying to pack the car and he was mowing the frigging back lawn.

I come from a family with a lot of ulcerative colitis and endometriosis. It is quite normal for us to have to wait for things to 'settle down' in the morning before eating/travelling.

You sound a bit mean.

Yep, Never forgotten mine deciding he had to mow the lawn when about to set off for a visit to his family and once, when the house was an absolute tip and the kids running riot and we had a phone call from friends 'we're in the area - all right if we stay over with you?' - decided that the thing to do was tidy out the shed.

He did admit to me when we divorced that he did it as a control mechanism. HE got to say when we left. The shed thing was just him not wanting to do any housework.

My husband decided to bath the dog when I went into labour with my son. I generously chose to put it down to the fact that he wanted to feel useful and couldn’t picture what that looked like but this is just one of a long line of incomprehensible decisions he makes on the regular. His brain confuses me so much.

I know ADHD gets brought up a lot but my DP, who has ADHD, ALWAYS finds a whole pile of stuff that has to be done all of a sudden, when we’re in a hurry. Put out the recycling. Fix random loose screw in curtain pole. Hunt for missing multisocket. Wipe round the sink. It’s definitely a thing. He has known all this stuff needed to be done and it has all been swimming around in his head, but he has kept it in holding mode. Suddenly he’s under a time constraint and this gives him this sudden burst of adrenaline and off he goes. And yes, he does keep us late because he also has absolutely no concept of time. It’s really fucking annoying, but he can’t help it. If I tell him to hurry up, he invariably forgets to bring something with him and it’s my fault for puttIng him under pressure. If I just chill and keep myself occupied until he’s done, we end up even later because apparently the fact I was doing something else gave him the impression he had loads of time. Tis fun.

My DH is like this. Yesterday we were supposed to be leaving about 4 to get to my parents' house (just over 2 hours away) for dinner time. And yet it was absolutely essential that he watched the Biathlon world cup (he has never cross-country skied in his life) and write some emails to his Cubs parents about badge work before getting anything packed. We did not get there for dinner time.

It is absolutely infuriating, but he is otherwise a good egg. And me nagging just doesn't improve anything.

My FIL does this before every long trip and holiday, drives the MIL round the bend. After years of knowing him, I'd say if he were in school today, he'd have a diagnosis of some sort. He's chronically late, chronically disorganised and a huge procrastinator, his 'just mowing the lawn' 2 mins before they are due to leave for the airport is an extreme form of procrastination IMHO, only an imminent event of some kind gets him moving, but even then, it's moving to do something else, rather than get in the car and actually start the journey. It's got to the point that MIL doesn't want to go on holiday anymore. She says the run up is just too stressful, as she has to do all the organising, packing etc... or they just wouldn't go and miss their flight, which has almost happened a few times.

... which will "only take 5 minutes". I swear time stands still for him when he's washing the car.
Once, when we were expecting visitors, he decided to paint our eaves. To be fair, the weather was perfect, but the visitors were convinced they'd arrived on the wrong day when they saw him up a ladder in his DIY clothes!

I'd love a psychiatrist to explain!

We once travelled to collect my mum for a holiday with us (me, dh and two young excited dc) that she was really looking forward to. We all managed to get ready, packed and sorted to do the long extra journey to get to hers in time.

She wasn't packed and had been up on a stool taking her curtains down for a wash ( why oh why? They'd not needed washing for the previous year) .

I was so angry. The kids were looking forward to lunch out we'd planned to break the journey. It really spoiled the holiday.

Plus she'd twisted her back pulling the curtains down on her own and was in pain the full holiday.

You posted at 12.40 so he'll probably want his lunch before you set off 😁
My Dh is the opposit wants to set off at an ungodly hour in the morning, and if we leave even half an hour late, every little build up of traffic is because we didn't leave at dawn. 💐

Ah yes I know how this goes. Mine hates doing paperwork and when it's due he suddenly declared it is essential we all spend a day at the beach or he discovers a deep love for baking

No comment!

Oh god this is my husband. Whenever there is any sort of household task that needs to be completed with a sense of urgency, he finds something to do that is useful in the general scheme of life, but of absolutely no use to the urgent task at hand, we had guest coming round at the weekend and I needed to clean and cook, alongside ferrying the kids to various activities/parties. My husband was found upstairs organising the box of spare lightbulbs. I feel your pain.

@BauhausOfEliott @IidentifyastheGrinch

I am fully aware Im a pain in the arse. But I have ADHD/OCD so no matter how much I try I just end up needing to do something. If I don’t do something I feel compelled to do it can trigger a nervous breakdown. All fun and games in our house.

As someone who sets a time and tends to leave 10 minutes before this....I would have exploded at 10 mins late never mind now...