Things my DH has found to do while we are trying to leave for Christmas

Have you tried communicating with him?

He isn’t a mind reader!

This sounds like that episode from Tales of the Unexpected where her husband always makes her late. He came to a deservedly sticky end.

Tell him the deadline is an hour or two before it is. He’s lucky you see the funny side. Many would throttle him.

When I was in labour with 1st child he didn't run me a bath, prep some foodp or pack bags into the car... he started cutting all our hedges. I'll leave that there.

Priceless!

Seems he doesn't want to
And are you willing to go alone?
Tell him you'll say that he got delayed ......

OMG, you couldn’t make that up!!!

I can’t understand why he’s not mowed the lawn yet, and taken the top of his finger off (that was a memorable year in this house, well, the garden and A&E).

W T F is (some) men’s problem?!?!

At least it’s HIS parents and not yours @Bluebells81- just don’t let him blame you for the lateness. Be ready for the leisurely shit before you leave too by the way. FFS 🤦🏼‍♀️

This is so funny. I like the sound of him., What a character.

My DH is the same. The last time we went away, he was changing a kitchen tap and then reconfiguring a wardrobe rail, right before we left for the airport. He does have ADHD though, so hyperfocuses on things that ‘need doing’ and can’t leave it until it’s done.

Read up on the traits of covert narcissism.
Causing huge stress/ rage whilst they remain calm during times when the focus is not on them is a thing.
Somehow always causing stress for those around them.
My father did it every holiday.
We would all be sat in the car waiting for him to finish some ridiculous urgent job that just had to be done the day we were heading away.

I understand tidying before leaving so you don't have a mess to come home to, but this takes the biscuit! Why would the windows need to be especially clean when not only are you holding things up but nobody's going to be there to appreciate the difference?

They do this to make themselves look busy instead of actually helping!

I got around this by typing up an itinerary of any long trip including final checks and planned departure time. It also included when/where we were stopping for lunch etc. On a six hour trip I'd have to stop about three times TBF and they'd all be worked out. Same with return journey. My DH always said he didn't know my plans. My DC loved it and it stopped them asking when we were stopping for break/lunch and if we were there yet. All on the sheet. 😂

(Originally I had a printed route planner too!)

Cleaning his golf trolley and clubs - again!
Neighbours coming over in the morning for a quick drink so he said I ( he doesn't do cooking) should do pizzas, sausages rolls etc etc . This is whilst cooking Christmas dinner for 10. Has he ever looked at how big the oven is let alone the extra work/ stress for me. He was put in his place in no uncertain terms. I've done all the buying ( presents and food)and will do all the cooking and most of the clearing up. The dishwasher doesn't fill and empty itself. Be glad when it's all over.

Love it. I once watched DH, who paints gaming figures and scenery (well enough that people pay him to paint stuff for them, in fairness) glueing sand all over the base of a figure, painting it brown, then highlighting it up through different shades to look like sand 😶

'But... but why?'
"So it looks like sand"
'But it is sand. It literally can't look sandier than sand, surely?'

So now if he's faffing endlessly with something painfully mistimed or not helpful in the moment, it's 'Darling? Are you painting sand to look like sand?'

I'm just reminiscing the time we were on a city break and walking all day and went back to hotel to collect luggage to get an evening train to another location. I changed my shoes and was struggling fitting them into luggage and Dh offered to put them into a bag he was carrying by hand. I should have known better than to say yes. At the station he dropped the bag on steps and everything fell out. I watched him repack and checked that he hadn't forgotten anything. On arrival he told me that we had lost one of my shoes on the train as it was missing from the bag, we had to go back into the carriages looking under seats and overhead, and some passengers helped. We gave up and I spent the next half hour walking in my flip flops panicking over where I could buy new shoes. I asked dh was he sure he picked everything up when they fell on the steps, he said he never dropped a bag on the steps or repacked it. Zero recollection. I passed a shoe shop that was closed and we tweaked our plans for the next day to return to the town to get new shoes. A few hours later unpacking the second shoe was discovered in Dhs backpack along with lots of 'who put that there?!' exclamations.

@ToffeePennie I love that phrase! Its also much nicer to say than a 'what are you doing' in (what dh calls) a patronising passive aggressive tone.

Yup, this is dh. Ans yes, he probably has adhd. But thats not a get out of jail free card. Drives me absolutely potty. He is better on not doing the ridiculous big chores any more - eg mowing the lawn or pressure washing the patio, both of which regularly used to appear, but he still faffs. I will say we have to leave at 1. I will give 15 mi.ute warnings, then 5. But basically, he cannot do the small tasks until I am at the door. So I will have done my tasks but as me and the kids are putting on shoes he will be checking doors are locked, turning on the dishwasher, feeding the cat. Twice this Christmas already the dc and I have been in the car waiting for him for 10 minutes. Drives me MAD. I regularly have to text sil or my sister to say, "sorry, running late as herding cats".

He also will not rush. We are leaving and late and he realises his phone is in the bedroom? He plods up and down the stairs. We need to rush because train is leaving... does not affect the time he spends walking to the station.

It might help next time to give him the job of packing the car.

I think going for a poo and being in there for long enough to avoid stuff is a massive distraction technique.

I can hear the videos you’re watching.

We have a name for it; “dusting the attic”. As in what’s the most useless task you could do right now that will help no one and actually just cause more of an issue? Yep that’s right! Dusting the attic! Because that’s a totally pointless and useless job, that for some reason has to be done because that’s what DHs brain has stuck on! Now when I say “are you dusting the attic?” He knows he has to justify the “task” he is performing in that second and if it’s not got enough justification, he needs to stop doing that thing and actually help.

I wouldn't ever do a long journey in the winter at those times as I hate driving in the dark. What's wrong with driving in daylight hours? It's much nicer. We are heading off around 10am tomorrow for the 6 hour journey to my DDs.

Can you castrate him with the special tool now that it has fuel?

I was trying to clear the room of all the bits left after putting up Xmas decorations and hoovering. Looked out the window to see him about to get into his car . He was going to the glass recycling place to get rid of the stuff that had been lying around over a month that I had asked him to do .

I hate travelling or going out with him . He is downstairs telling me he is ready and to hurry up . Meanwhile I am trying to put make up on and dress the kids . As I get downstairs, coats on I ask if he has locked patio doors , put the bin out, put the bag in the car etc. Nope .