Things my DH has found to do while we are trying to leave for Christmas

Victim blaming is not very helpful, I'm afraid.

I feel you may have misunderstood the situation or have similar issues to the DH to divert a very very clear case of control and manipulation and aiming your aggression towards the OP.

I apologise if I have misread you.

Dad was the one who did that.
I think cleaning my the car was the most common - I remember mum driving it away still with soap suds on while he tried to hose them off, but the funniest was tidying the airing cupboard. The airing cupboard at my parent's house is a small room. Apparently we couldn't possibly sleep comfortably away knowing how untidy it was.
It wasn't untidy, merely not sorted quite as he liked.

He doesnt want to go does he

What is it with men ? I lost it when I was running around like a headless chicken ( as usual at Christmas) and my husband decided that the most important job was to sweep the drive where 3 large cars would be parked !!!! Who cares, who would notice?
We have a new drive which he decided needed 3 of those security posts which have to be lowered and raised manually every time we use a car😖

Possibly!

Is this what he is hoping will happen?

ADHD can explain why someone struggles but it does not remove responsibility when other people especially kids are affected. It is not fair to get children ready, have everything prepared and then leave them waiting for four hours because of his list of jobs including vacuuming which he never usually does.

Me and my partner both have ADHD and we both do this. It is awful. I have such anxiety about packing/leaving to go somewhere. It seems to me there is almost definitely a psychological reason of some kind for the husband doing this, if not a condition like ADHD. I feel so much sympathy for both the husband and OP it almost hurts.

Yes, I saw me. I want to leave the house as good as I can especially if people are coming in to animal feed or plant water. I realised, late in the day(!), how much stress it was causing g DH and have moderated somewhat.

Possibly! And that's why I always have my own car to leave if needed!

Sounds like that's his plan!

He iz very rude and inconsiderate. He clearly doesn't want to go. I would have asked him why. If he doesn't want to take the car and leave him behind.

My husband also exhibits this type of behaviour - he is definitely on the spectrum somewhere! It drove me mad when the children were little - days out, holidays, weddings etc always ended up starting off with us not speaking because he just didn't realise how annoying he was being. These days I've solved the problem by travelling separately as much as possible! I tell him where I'll be and he can turn up if and when he wants! It works for us 😅

You have low standards.

At least he's doing things, chill.

most men take to the loo when its time to go. times i have been ready when they have decided they must go and sit in the loo for a ridiculous amount of time!

My friends husband does that but it seems more his anxiety about forgetting something rather than anything sinister.
He ticks off a list in the car before driving away.
My husband also has a travel list that he goes through every time we travel.
I really think that is ok and reasonable.
They are not messing about but trying to secure the house.

This isn't as bad as your situation but it got me thinking about when I was a
kid and the family was going somewhere. We would all be sitting in the car while dad was going through the house checking every room for running water, lights on, appliances left on etc. It seemed to take forever but being a kid , I really had no sense of time.

It completely is.
As children you don't understand why every special occasion is always stressful and full of angst.
Birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, weddings, holidays always associated with stress and unnecessary upset.
So confusing.

My sisters wedding morning was full of stress because my father left it to then to go to be fitted for his wedding suit as it was a white tie wedding.
Unbelievable as he knew about it for a year and had been reminded so many times.
He tried to cause upset but he was blanked by us and ignored.
I never acknowledged him for the rest of the day.
Will never forget it.
That was the last time I attended any celebration with him.
I simply refused to have him near any celebration of mine or my children.
I would bring up his behaviour the day of my sisters wedding and that I would neither forgive nor forget it.

My two other siblings married without telling our parents.
My father claimed he couldn't understand why his children kept him and my mother at a great distance from their lives.
They were never invited to any happy moments involving grandchildren.
It is only in the last decade that I joined the dots and covert narcissism educated me as to what was really going on.
The damage to a childhood is real.
There is nothing benign about such behaviour.

OPs DC are going to grow up and think this kind of abusive behaviour is normal.

Trimming the hedges during labour is plain straight abusive. How can you share a bed with such a specimen OP?

My DH does this too, one year 10 minutes before we needed to leave he decided he had time to pressure wash the car.

Fair enough! 😃

I’m not giving him a diagnosis to lean on. He’s a grown man who works daily on projects and is great at his job.

My dh isn’t as extreme but is prone to lateness. He has a list in his head that he wants to get done before we go. This list isn’t able to be re prioritised or cut short if he runs out of time.
We also have to sit in the car waiting for all his last minute checks of the house.
Definitely an anxiety thing. He has got better over the years as he knows he’ll get a lot of grief from me.

No. I mean a nervous breakdown. Like full on nervous breakdown.
It’s absolutely horrific.