Only children at Christmas

I think you do need to be more organised with an only. We had friends over yesterday then have family things from today until 27th then have a catch up with other friends on the 29th

Does he not play outside? In the street? Have friends to call on?

im in London and most clubs are closed now for the year so what clubs do you want him to do. Also it’s down time for the year end so everyone just is either busy or winding down. Your dh should take him out though. Lots of festive activities around. It is sad that he doesn’t socialise with anyone.

After a few days kicking around at home with a very bored DS on his hands wont your DH change his mind?

The long term problem here is that your husband is so unbelievably selfish, he’d rather not get off his arse than do something that would make his son happy. Of course he doesn’t believe for a second that his son ‘doesn’t need it’ , he knows full well, he just puts himself first at all times to make his own life easier. Abhorrent parenting.

He should be doing some things with him but children don’t need constant activities and entertainment. Learning to entertain themselves is an important skill.

TBH your DH sounds like a shit excuse for a father. It's fine to have some days knocking around at home, playing board games, making dens etc., but if he makes no effort with your DS then no wonder the poor kid is bored.

Kids need company, even the most introverted kids need help socialising.

If your DH is a low effort parent, can't he just have a friend over to play? Minimal supervision required, just supply lunch/snacks, and make sure there are toys and no screens.

It's not a failing to send him to holiday club. I'm a lone parent to an extrovert only child and sometimes do this in the holidays solely for her socialisation. I do organise play dates too but it's not always possible, as you say people often have their own stuff going on.

Playdates can be tricky around Christmas because people are often away or busy with family stuff. He’s only off for 2 weeks so really he should be fine not playing with other kids. The issue is that it sounds like Dad isn’t bothering to do anything with him- if they were doing days out and activities he probably wouldn’t be bored and asking about holiday club. But if you have a decent one near you that DS enjoys then definitely do that in the future.

The issue here is your husband.

I have an only child and when he was younger, we didn't really do play dates over the Christmas holidays as people are busy with their own families.

We did other things though - soft play, swimming, walk to a cafe and lunch, clip and climb, seeing relatives etc. Or things at home such as Christmas films, baking, building lego.

He is 12 now so since school finished on Friday, we have spent a nice morning with my auntie, done some shopping and ds has also been in the village with his friends independently.

I should add, we do go to things too, went ice skating yesterday and have another day out planned for Christmas Eve and New Year. It’s just the days in between where it can be hard.

Well your problem is that your sons father is a lazy arsehole.

Plenty of dads out there look after their kids and take them out to the park, swimming etc.

Can he not even do stuff like keep him busy by popping to the shops to choose a gift for you and look at the christmas lights, or go to the garden centre where there's usually lots of christmas stuff to look at and sometimes an area of small pets etc!

You need to call out this lazy man and tell him to shift his arse and take his son out.
It doesn't have to be extravagant or cost money, go to the library, go to the park, the shops etc.

"DH doesn’t think he needs to help him to socialise... DH refuses to organise anything, take him anywhere or allow a play date."

What is he actually doing with him then? And again - how old is your son?

Why does he 'refuse' to organise anything, take him anywhere or allow a play date?

Christmas holidays are when people say “oh yes, let’s arrange to meet up” and then never do because they are too busy.
Most people have family to spend time with, we don’t have any and it’s always just the three of us. (Mostly 2 as DH is at work) It sucks though because libraries, museums and pools close over Christmas and I spend a lot of time freezing in the park or the woods.

Your DH sounds utterly useless - even my dad who was autistic and really struggled with social interaction and busy places would take me out at weekends and accommodate playdates.

He's just being a shit parent and you need to tell him as much.

Why isn’t it easy for DH ‘with Christmas to organise’? Most of us manage it while working FT, wrangling childcare etc. Today is my first day off work. DH only got back from a long work trip at 5 am yesterday, and he’s just taken DS (an only) downtown for a bit of shopping and buzz before going food shopping. We took him out to meet his friends yesterday (we’re friends with the parents so it was fun all round), and have booked for them to go skating together next week.

How old is your DC? I'm guessing he's too old to just play with dad? If he wants to definitely send him to holiday clubs. And if your DH is off work, it opens up sports club too where it's more school hours too. Don't let him stay at home and do nothing if he isn't keen. When he's older, he can arrange for his mates to come around or go out.

I wasn’t an only, but I went to holiday clubs a lot as a child. I thought they were great. I don’t think your son wanting to go to them is a problem that needs to be fixed. Surely it IS the fix to the problem of “he wants to be around other kids”?

I wasn’t an only, but I went to holiday clubs a lot as a child. I thought they were great. I don’t think your son wanting to go to them is a problem that needs to be fixed. Surely it IS the fix to the problem of “he wants to be around other kids”?

Does your DH take him on days out? Is it too late to book him into holiday club now?

I have 2 DC but abit of an age gap, we haven’t organised any play dates but plenty of days out to keep eldest DC occupied and they will make friends on the days out/ at the activities, even just soft play (depending on your DCs age).

Mine was an only. He used to love weekends and school holidays getting bored.

This sounds more like you have a DH problem - if you know DS would enjoy it then he’s not being a good father if he can’t bother himself to make the effort to organise a play date or two, or to visit DS’s cousins for some kind of activity. If DS was happy to just be at home or with him then that’s one thing, but if he’s saying he’s bored or lonely and would like to go to a holiday club instead then DH can’t simply “strongly disagree” that it’s a problem and he needs a kicking over his attitude. Do you have a decent enough relationship with DH’s side of the family that you could ask grandparents / aunt or uncles if they’d have him over to join in things with his cousins?

I have an only DD, 9 years old. She's currently playing upstairs with a couple of friends whose parents are working today so I offered to help them with childcare. Next week we will meet up with some friends who have kids too. Next few days will be busy with family. After Christmas she will have a few rest days of quiet and then DH will do some fun stuff with her as he's not working. Basically a combination of things but your post absolutely reads as a DH problem not an only child problem.