Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend sending Girlfrend topless gym selfies...

36 replies

Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:14

Man here. Ive recently seen a picture on my girlfriends phone from a friend of ours. He is a lot younger than us.

Now the pic is of him striking a pose with no top on. It was sent via social media DM.

She didn't shut it down, she said "looking good"

There is general chat, how's work, what are you doing this week and us. He then repeats things to me about the "us" conversations but doesnt directly mention them. Its almost like hes playing with me as only my GF and I know this info. I didnt look too far back so unsure if there are others.

I asked her about it and she just said its just ": being himself and she cant help what he sends her. Ive said she should've shut it down which she agrees however I cant help but feel hurt as she didnt tell me about it and didnt shut it down. She has previously enjoyed the attention of a man who kept staring at her on a night out. She denied noticing but it was obvious she did. Maybe she enjoys the attention.

AIBU to consider finishing things with her?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Grapewrath · 22/12/2025 15:36

Is she a gym girl? It’s not uncommon for gym fans to show each other their progress

5128gap · 22/12/2025 15:33

Your girlfriend's vanity is allowing her to be willfully blind to the fact that this young chancer is playing games. If he was seriously interested in her for her then he wouldn't be making sure you know about it. For some reason he wants to compete with you, so is certainly not your friend, and I'd be binning him pretty sharpish if I were you.
Your GF is having her head turned (quite literally) and in no hurry to put a stop to the flattering attention. How far she'll go to keep that coming is anyone's guess. But it's a threat to your relationship, and I think you need to spell that out. Tell her that he's making a point of rubbing your nose in it, that you're both being played and you want her to stop.
Don't be fobbed off with the 'just a friend' thing. He's not acting as friend to either of you.

JHound · 22/12/2025 15:23

“She has previously enjoyed the attention of a man who kept staring at her on a night out. She denied noticing but it was obvious she did. Maybe she enjoys the attention.”

What made it obvious?

Look you can finish with anybody for any reason. If you feel uncomfortable end it.

JHound · 22/12/2025 15:21

How is he playing with you if the message was not to you?

TidyCyan · 22/12/2025 14:50

Elmspringwater · 22/12/2025 13:05

As I said above women on MN do the same thing yet that's ok ,but because op is a man it's wrong.

Show quote history

No it's not. Many of the threads in those cases are posts saying it's a breach of trust and/or it's already over if you feel the need to check a phone. I don't agree with that personally as a blanket thing, but the reason for checking her phone here is either unfounded suspicion or founded suspicion. That's factual.

Owly11 · 22/12/2025 14:03

Elmspringwater · 22/12/2025 13:05

As I said above women on MN do the same thing yet that's ok ,but because op is a man it's wrong.

Show quote history

Sorry, what on earth has this got to do with anything? My question wasn't for you, it was for op, and he doesn't seem to have answered yet.

Beezz · 22/12/2025 13:14

I asked her about it and she just said its just ": being himself and she cant help what he sends her.

We all know if he was out of shape and 30 years her senior she would have found a way to shut it down.

Throw her back!

BillieWiper · 22/12/2025 13:10

Your friend is sending semi nudes to your gf and he's the type to try and shag someone who's not single.

It's your friend you should be dumping, not your gf.

The stuff you're saying about her 'enjoying being stared at by men' despite her denying it makes you sound controlling and insecure. So maybe it'd be better if you did spilt up.

But then again you'd be the same with another girl? So perhaps you should look internally at your own actions as well as what others are doing?

Cleikumstovies · 22/12/2025 13:09

Elmspringwater · 22/12/2025 13:05

As I said above women on MN do the same thing yet that's ok ,but because op is a man it's wrong.

Show quote history

Everyday sexism

Cleikumstovies · 22/12/2025 13:08

Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:29

Problem is she said she would kick off it wad the other way around so im all confused

Show quote history

Do you want to be with a hypocrite?

Elmspringwater · 22/12/2025 13:05

Owly11 · 22/12/2025 12:40

So you have been scrolling through your gf's private messages on her phone?

As I said above women on MN do the same thing yet that's ok ,but because op is a man it's wrong.

Elmspringwater · 22/12/2025 13:04

TidyCyan · 22/12/2025 12:46

If you were a woman and your boyfriend was getting sexy gym selfies from one of your friends I'd tell you to kick him to the kerb so that is my advice here.

You've obviously been checking her phone for a reason! You are either paranoid and controlling OR had reason to be suspicious. Both are bad times.

Edited

Women on MN check their man's phones.
Half dont get called controlling.

Elmspringwater · 22/12/2025 13:02

MerryAndBrightLaLaLa · 22/12/2025 12:30

She can’t help it if random men stare at her! Ffs. Don’t be so bloody insecure OP.

I can say that about a bloody lot of women on MN.

Original poster
Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:49

TidyCyan · 22/12/2025 12:46

If you were a woman and your boyfriend was getting sexy gym selfies from one of your friends I'd tell you to kick him to the kerb so that is my advice here.

You've obviously been checking her phone for a reason! You are either paranoid and controlling OR had reason to be suspicious. Both are bad times.

Edited

She was sat at the table and she didnt know i was behind her whilst she was chatting to him. This is when I saw the picture.

OP posts:
TidyCyan · 22/12/2025 12:46

If you were a woman and your boyfriend was getting sexy gym selfies from one of your friends I'd tell you to kick him to the kerb so that is my advice here.

You've obviously been checking her phone for a reason! You are either paranoid and controlling OR had reason to be suspicious. Both are bad times.

Original poster
Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:45

toomuchfaff · 22/12/2025 12:26

In all fairness if the picture was innocent validation picture that he'd also sent to 20 others - her responding with "I've got a boyfriend" sounds a bit psycho.

She has previously enjoyed the attention of a man who kept staring at her on a night out.
This statement.... tells me you're being very OTT to know that or bring it up..

Does she strive for attention and the validation of others? Is she always posting selfie pics inviting "you look amazing" comments?

edit to add - 2 years! goddamit I thought you were 2 weeks in...

Edited

If it was a single 27 year old girl sending me semi naked gym selfies, would this be ok?

OP posts:
Owly11 · 22/12/2025 12:40

So you have been scrolling through your gf's private messages on her phone?

Original poster
Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:39

JudgeBread · 22/12/2025 12:36

So she likes male attention and values getting it over your comfort.

Do what you will with that information.

Show quote history

This is how I feel unfortunately

OP posts:
Parsleyforme · 22/12/2025 12:38

At first I thought you were being unreasonable but you might as well end it. As it sounds like you don’t feel secure in the relationship and neither of you trust each other. Beware of people who think they’ve done nothing wrong but “kick off” when it’s the other way around

JudgeBread · 22/12/2025 12:36

Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:34

I agree, she should've shut it down but didnt and I wonder if hes done it before. I dont mind her having male friends but there ahould be boundaries.

The stares from the man cannot be helped, however she was constantly looking round to look at him.

Show quote history

So she likes male attention and values getting it over your comfort.

Do what you will with that information.

toomuchfaff · 22/12/2025 12:35

Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:31

Yes he is unfortunately

Show quote history

So your problem is with him then....

Original poster
Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:34

JudgeBread · 22/12/2025 12:32

I have male friends. My best friend is male. The most important thing about maintaining opposite sex friendships is having titanium boundaries, and respecting your partner and putting their feelings first.

Entertaining the gym selfies and then brushing you off when you express discomfort is the opposite of both of the above.

Having someone stare at her on a night out isn't her fault though.

I agree, she should've shut it down but didnt and I wonder if hes done it before. I dont mind her having male friends but there ahould be boundaries.

The stares from the man cannot be helped, however she was constantly looking round to look at him.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 22/12/2025 12:34

Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:29

Problem is she said she would kick off it wad the other way around so im all confused

Show quote history

Two different scenarios.

Her reaction to your action is another matter entirely. (and how you should deal with it) two wrongs dont make a right.

Original poster
Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:33

The staring doesnt bother me, its her turning her head like an owl 20 times to look at him

OP posts:
Original poster
Monbig · 22/12/2025 12:33

MerryAndBrightLaLaLa · 22/12/2025 12:30

She can’t help it if random men stare at her! Ffs. Don’t be so bloody insecure OP.

The staring doesnt bother me, its her turning her head like an owl 20 times to look at him

OP posts: