Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

Why do so many Mumsnetters spend Christmas doing things they don't want to do. Once you are grown up you get to decide.

I thought you were going to say 4 hour drive. Why are you worrying about a less than 2 hour drive?

Make a stand. Just do it.

How completely crap for your children that you can't put them first

Your husband needs to grow a backbone too.

Nope. Wouldn't be doing that. Have not driven anywhere on Christmas Day ever. If we are not at home for Christmas, we go the day before at the latest.

Find your spine, tell them that driving to them is not an option and get yourself to the nearest supermarket and buy a Christmas dinner in a box so it is dead simple, stay at home and relax. Better by far for your physical and mental wellbeing.

I had to do this as a child and HATED it. Really hated it. I guess it’s a little late to pull out this year but why don’t you announce that this will be the last time?

That would be a 'big drive' to us (for context, DP and I are doing two x four-hour drives on Christmas Eve, a four-hour one and an hour-long one on 27 December and three hours on 28th!) but I can completely see why you wouldn't want to be doing it on Christmas Day itself, with kids... especially to see family who actually don't sound like enjoyable company anyway!

As others have said - next year, you really do need to be firm and say no.

I’d book a hotel - if you book way ahead in June/July the mass market chains are cheap. Tough if the kids don’t want to stay overnight

This.

Put yourself and your family first for once and stay home. Life is too short to be running around all the time whilst others make you/let you do it.

Fuck that, we don't leave the house on Christmas day and we don't have anyone round either. It's perfect.

it caused a lot family upset.

Tough. It causes YOU a lot of family upset to have to go. Next year you're having Christmas at home, aren't you?

Say no- we were always expected to do the drive, option of sleeping amongst a load of clutter on an airbed. We just say no. Now we do the weekend before with in laws and weekend after with my family. It took me a long time to tell everyone if you want to see us at other times, we could confirm that the road went both ways occasionally we get a petulant strop from certain members on my side. But it’s water off a ducks back. One Christmas stuck in traffic yet again- I said no more, and now we have a lovely family Christmas just the three of us and the dog

Just tell them you are not well enough to travel and hope they have a great time. Tell them today so they don’t cook for you.

It should be an easy call. Your DC don’t enjoy it. You and your husband are exhausted. You really need to recover.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

stop.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

stop then

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

They can’t force you all to get in the car. Just don’t do it!

I think it is too late to back out this year, but you need to tell them next year, as early as possible, that you want to spend Christmas at home. You will visit them on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, or the weekend after, whatever suits them best. If they say nothing suits them, then say very sorry that we won't see you then.

You are allowed to spend the day at home. Everyone does Christmas differently. I had friends who would do his parents, then her parents, then a year at home every third year.

That nasty bout of shingles has obviously weakened your immune system, because you can feel yourself going down with the flu. What a pity.
Job done, no further explanation needed.
Either that or the truth.

Just don't do it
I stopped visiting anyone a few years ago, no one got offended.
We have a lovely relaxing day, just the 2 of us.
I used to visit absolutely everyone over the Christmas break. No one ever visited us. One day I just decided no more, and that was that!

Can’t you stay over. I can’t believe anyone expects you all to do that drive for the sake of a couple hours. Just say you aren’t well enough if not. Sounds like you need some r&r time

This 💯. We used to drive 3 hours each way (Australia so distances are big) and my overriding childhood memory of Christmas was my mother being stressed and snappy on hhe way, my cousins and aunt being arseholes and my mother sobbing all the way back. It was fucking miserable and a very large reason why I left Australia when I was early 20s and have never returned. I refuse to see my aunts and cousins even now and have a hard time forgetting that my mother thought appeasing them was more imply than ensuring the safety of her own children.

I really want to come on this thread on Boxing Day morning and find a post from the OP saying she took our advice, stayed home and had a wonderful, stress free day with her family.

Your children hate being away from home on Christmas Day. That should tell you everything you need to know.

Stop being a martyr and do what you and your immediate family want to do.

You don’t get many Christmases where your kids actually want to be at home with you.

Why don't you offer to host? Or stay in a hotel, or rent a cottage nearby if you can afford it? Or just say 'no, you're exhausted, we can meet up after Christmas Day, come to ours for a post Christmas gathering'.

You need to either except this is how Christmas goes in your family, and find a way to enjoy it, or if you hate it that much, change it, offer to host.

How far away is everyone from you, or do they all live in the same place and you are the only one with a distance to travel?

I have said you are unreasonable because ypu agree to do it. We stopped years ago and love put chilled christmas day.

We are happy to host and go all out if we have guests but this year its just the 3 of us so are eating party food and pizza and stsying in pjs enjoying crap telly, lovely food, board gsmes and devent wine. It is brilliant.

And we didnt ask permission, we told people what was happening. Said we wont be driving to you this year, out child wants to enjoy her gifts too. We will see you boxing day if you still want to get together and will bring x y z food and drinks.

Don't go. It's making you miserable. I'd invent an illness this year, and next year say that as the children loved their quiet, relaxed Christmas day, from now on you'll stay at home and visit (ie) the weekend between Christmas and New year.

I'd also book a nearby hotel when you visit, make it as stress free as possible.