Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

I can understand why someone wouldn't want to go, but dropping it out of nowhere two days before is a bit of a pain for people who may have bought and organised and just makes it the whole focus of the event rather than a new normal that people can get used to over the many months before.

I would suck it up this year but give plenty of warning next year.

I absolutely hate sleeping away from home, even at the AC’s houses, and will do the 100 miles each way to see the DGC on Christmas Eve. Dreading the journey tbh.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option

OP, come on. You’re an adult. What lord and commander is saying this to you?

Just. Don’t. Go.

Go to the shops today and buy your food; text your relatives and apologise and explain you're exhausted/ill and you’ll see them in the New Year.

Stop doing this to yourself and stay at home.

What’s sad about this is the number of people, including the op, who can never feel what they want and prefer to do is fine and should be prioritised. Always been guilted or bullied into doing what others want.

Reading your update I'd say, if you do genuinely want to see your family at Christmas you might just have to suck it up that this is how Christmas goes, best thing you could do is alternate, 1 year do the big family thing, next year just the 4 of you at home. Your parents won't be there forever, assuming you like them you should probably make the effort, try and find some happiness in it -you have family that really want to see you, so much so they get upset if you're not there, surely that's nice that they want you there that much?

I guess we all have different opinions but I wouldn't say 1.5-2 hours is a terribly long journey, plan some car games for you all to do, make the journey a bit more fun, you can still have the morning in your own home, have a nice breakfast together, get to the family for lunch and be home in the evening, you're basically just going out for lunch.

Good luck with it all and merry Christmas.

To answer the question the drive doesn't bother me, but you clearly don't want to go, so just don't. Stay home. Its okay for other people to be disappointed, don't put the extended families wishes over your children (or your own)

This ^^

It causes family upset whether you go or not. It's just that if you go it's YOU/DH/DC that are upset not others. You don't have to be a doormat.

Nothing would induce me to do this, short of a relative whose last Christmas it likely was.

Invent a bug if you have to, but get yourself out of it. Later next year explain to your sister that you are under strict instructions from the doc to reduce stress and rest more - so while you'd really love to come up for a day, Christmas Day is just too much.

You might not see her next year, and she might be cross but she'll get over it by the following year. Lay it on v thick re stress.

Why is there always some supercilious dickhead like you on every thread determined to think the worst of literally everyone and make snide little comments about everything?

This was my parents and my husband's parents, who I love very much and who absolutely loved hosting us and were sad when we made the decision to change how we did things for the sake of an easier Christmas season for two very busy emergency service workers trying to juggle our demanding jobs around the demands of two very large families, but were understanding and adapted to the change because that's what normal, sane families do outside the Mumsnet-verse where everyone hates eachother and can't stand spending time together.

I have drafted a text message this evening, Husband has told me not to send it to her tonight as it will upset her before bed.

what did it say?

Send that message in the morning OP. You're still too unwell with shingles and you'll have to stay home. Then breathe a sigh of relief.

Perhaps the hosts were glad you ‘put your foot down’. They could relax.

If it’s a duty visit with no real love on your part you shouldn’t go. Mostly, the hosts put a lot of effort into making visiting family comfortable, fed and welcome. If it’s not reciprocated it’s such a sham. Christmas should be about love and not duty. Self centred people ruin others good intentions.

I do not do big drives/ long travel on Christmas day. It is too stressful on a day I (and the kids, DH, wider family) want to enjoy. We can travel other days. But not on the day. Anything longer than 20-30 mins is out.

On Christmas Day when I was a kid my maternal grandparents who lived 20 miles away went to my auntie & family who lived near them and my paternal grandma who lived 80 miles away went to my uncle & family who lived near her.
My own family saw maternal grandparents on Boxing Day but never saw paternal grandma at all over Christmas.
Everyone was happy with this arrangement especially myself and siblings who got to stay in our own home with our presents and mum & dad's fabulous meals EVERY Christmas Day of our childhoods.
I now realise how extremely lucky we were to have grandparents who weren't insistent on seeing ALL their grandchildren every Christmas.
I would add that we were very fond of all our grandparents and saw them regularly throughout the year.

You’re an adult. Do what works for you. I find these posts absolutely baffling!!

I feel so bad for my husband. He's the only one that drives in our family. We have a 5 hour drive on Christmas eve,home boxing day,day at home then a couple of hours drive on 28th,home again on 30th 😞 No one would see us if we didn't make the effort. Can't do this every year. Actually it's not every year it's all the time ,😞

You don't need to vent - you and your husband need to grow a pair. None of you want to go (adults or children), yet for some reason you insist on doing it. Sorry but it makes zero sense and must be crap for the kids. Just plan and do your own Christmas.

You’re not pleasing your family. Your own children are telling you they don’t want to go and you’re ignoring them.

Actually, you can if you have an immune system which is compromised. It is also a health risk for people of a certain age. Do read up NHS guidelines. It is high risk, which is why they say anyone who has it, should not be around new born babies. Do get your facts correct before actually posting.

There is a tonne of good in the supermarkets. Get to the nearest one and stock up then tell your sister and the rest of your family that you’re not coming.

lie and say you’re ill if you feel you need an excuse.

but sod that drive. None of them would do it for you so why are you? Is it because you’re the one who moved? Didn’t mean you sacrifice yourself to the motorway every Christmas Day.

put your kids 1st, please.

You can't catch shingles.

Shingles quarantine is your answer as you are still not out of the woods and can pass it on. No elderly person, let someone in their right mind, would want to contact shingles. Been there, done the time, its vile.