What do people see when they look at me??

According to you, your friend, and chatgpt you don't look old enough to be his mother.
I don't know what either of you look like but I find it highly unlikely that you look old enough to be his mother.
Only people he has had the main contact with seem to think you are his mother.
What other explanation could there be?

You have said several times that you are aware that you've not aged well. Then you say the AI thinks you look younger than you are. Now you believe your friend because... Which is it? If you've not aged well, then you look older than one might expect of a woman your age. You seem to be in a level of denial.

You didn’t like my suggestion that it might be your husband who has told the neighbours you’re his mother, perhaps as a silly joke or even being malicious towards you.

But if you really don’t look old enough to be his mother then have a look around at other neighbours who may have spread this nasty rumour.

I still think your husband is behind it.

But 3 separate people have commented though. It hasn't come from nowhere. Look, it takes effort to look good in your 50s. You've already said that you dont bother with skin care, make up, you've let your hair go grey and you wear comfy clothes. There's a lot to work with there if you want to stop looking older than your age. That's if it bothers you, which it clearly does from reading this thread.

Okay well now you absolutely have to kiss your DH passionately or him give your bum a cheeky grab when you see these neighbours just to f*ck with/horrify them, maybe they’ll abruptly realise their error 😄

A lady at my last job was in her late 40's. Another woman started who said she was the same age as her. Behind her back the woman said "Wow I couldn't believe it when she said she was the same age as me! She looks so much older..."

She really didn't. Not to me. They both looked similar age, but I thought it was interesting how this woman thought she looked so much younger. Anyway, my point is age is subjective. How someone acts/dresses/speaks can attribute to how old someone appears to look.

I suppose you really need to decide how much this actually bothers you and if you want to change the perspective people have.

I know lots of women think they carry grey hair well, and yes some do but imo a lot who think they do, don’t. I can think of 2 off the top of my head, a friend of mine 8 years younger than me, we live in different countries now, she was always stunning very outdoorsy, glowing skin, she’s gone naturally grey and she looks older than me (50) it really ages her. My sil is next, 3 years older than me but looks 60plus, she has never been into makeup, part of wanting to go grey was she always looked young think being id’d for cigarets and alcohol at 40yo, but I think it now makes her look so much older.

Given your big on outdoors and walking, dose your skin reflect this? Nothing beats a long outdoors walk but it’s not exactly friendly for the skin.

I have chronic health conditions, I spend my life in pain and this was really showing, I put lots of weight on, struggled to walk. Like you I partied in my youth, lots of alcohol, no drugs but was feeling and felt I looked far older than my years. There were something I couldn’t control but others I could. One was getting into a good skin care routine, it’s taken a while but I’ve found products I like and that make me look far healthier than I feel. Having skin that feels hydrated feels so good, I also started dying my eyebrows and adding eyebrow gel and mascara something I never used because it always irritated my eyes when younger. It’s amazing how much these 2 products can change my entire look. I also started dying my hair at the hairdressers who gave me some good self care tips.

I was never big into makeup but I do wear it more now as I’ve gotten older, mainly when I’m feeling tired or had a bad flare up, a bit of colour ( I’m already naturally very pale) has worked wonders.

I now like to watch videos and follow I suppose influencers for tips. I also signed up last year to a beauty box subscription so each month I get a box of new products to try out. Two products in particular I’ve started using regularly as I fell in love with how they made my skin look and feel.

It told me I looked like someone in their 20’s. I think I look good but I do not look
loke someone in their 20s.

It makes no sense op. If you get a card from John and Jane and write one back you write it to John and jane. You don’t write to John and his mum, like you don’t know her at all and don’t know her name, no one does that, never mind 2 sets of neighbours,

so either he’s writing cards from John and his mum, or well, this is nonsense.

I mean, you say it yourself:

When I was younger I drank lots and dabbled with drugs. I also have underlying hereditary health conditions. I’ve had a difficult early life and I’m aware I have not aged well.

You're early 50s, have grey hair, and have not aged well. If people assume your husband who "is definitely a young looking 54/55" is your son, then you realistically must look significantly older then your age. For some women, grey hair looks fabulous, for others, pleasant, and for many, it adds on 10-15 years.

If you're already a bit wrecked by life, and have perhaps more wrinkles than the average woman in her early 50s, so look later 50s, adding on 10-15 years will easily make you look like you're his mother to the casual observer.

If you're in pain, you can look significantly older at times, I have found, also.

It's up to you whether you want to put a rinse of colour through your hair to see if it improves your look. Plenty of decent semipermanents on the market you can do yourself without going to a hairdresser if that doesn't appeal. And make some effort with a basic skincare routine. Facial massage videos can help, too.

this might be slightly controversial but are you happy with the way you look?
if not, perhaps use this to make some little changes and feel your confidence go through the roof.

is your hair fully grey? That can look trendy, or have a trim?
eye brows and they too thin? Need shaping?
is your make up too strong if you wear any?
go to John Lewis and have a free make over and they help chose clothes that suit you or flattering that you might not have thought of.
are you on Facebook? There’s some closed group look for private not public and if you’re feeling brave post a photo and ask for glow u advise- I wouldn’t detail about the son bit but just that you would like advise- some of these groups are really friendly and surprising what others can see that you don’t!xxx

You say, you haven’t aged well, so you could look 5-10 years older than your true age? If your DH looks younger than his years, 5-10 years younger, then that could well explain it. My DH is extremely youthful in appearance, most assume 40-45, but he is 60. I’m only 50, but we look very similar age wise.

It will be the grey hair. Im 54. Pretty much all of my friends and colleagues around the same age have long, well conditioned and styled coloured hair. I think of grey hair as something that 70± age group have. That will be why your DH colleague was laughing saying he lived with an old lady. I also think it's likely that your DH is telling you all this because he doesn't like the grey hair and thinks the 'old' comments might push you in the direction of dyeing it. Probably knows he'd get a slap if he just came out and said it 😊

What colour is your husband's hair?
Maybe they think he is in his 40s and you are 60 plus. Many people make age assumptions on grey hair.

It could just be that you feel you carry it well but other people’s perception is very different.

I think grey/white hair can look amazing but I do find that it ages people overall. Especially dark grey. I have a lot of grey hair for my age (30s) and if I don’t keep on top of it I look haggard.

I plan on eventually going full grey in many years to come, but that will only be when I’m ready to accept to look and be perceived as older.

I was wondering about that phrase ‘my old lady’. I wasn’t sure if it was ever still used as I know if from 1970s TV, but the phrase can mean either ‘my wife’, or ‘my mum’. Same as ‘my old man’. I was wondering if the OP’s DH used this phrase and that was the cause of the confusion.

They might find out later that OP and husband are married and think, well that makes a lot more sense, she didn't seem old enough to be his mum!

Does your dh do something which is making him seem much younger than he is- for example driving the kind of car you'd expect to see a teenager drive.

"they are probably from a generation expecting a mum to be in her 20s, so in their minds, a woman around 40 with a young child is going to be their grandmother."

In a low income area, a woman in her 40s accompanying a small child IS much more likely to be the grandmother so they could just be going on probability.

I reckon this has nothing to do with how old you look, just that if they are older,‘they are probably from a generation expecting a mum to be in her 20s, so in their minds, a woman around 40 with a young child is going to be their grandmother.

@Leavesandthings
You are probably right in respect of the crossed wires. Someone has got hold of the wrong end of the stick and the neighbourhood has run with this.