What do people see when they look at me??

Not at all. In fact, I am usually always in defense of men on MN!

Ah! Sorry OP, poor attention span on my part - that's twice I've mentioned your walking frame 😖🤡

I suppose you could try jazzing up your wardrobe. Or just forget about it. Let them think what they like, sod 'em!

As long as your DH is not actually screaming when he opens the curtains in the morning, I wouldn't worry. I speak as someone who actually DOES have that sort of age gap in my own marriage (me being the old hag).

Someone's on the wind up here, either the OP or her husband.

How is that different?

Why would he tell you that OP, did he find it funny?

OP's husband alleged that his colleague said (during some work 'banter') that he saw him out with his wife who looked like an 'old' lady.

OP is in her 50's and would need to be at least 65 to be her husband's mother yet she does not see this in the mirror.

AI estimated OP's age as in her 50's. It estimated her husband as older than her.

OP's honest friend says she does not look 65.

And yet 2 of the OP's neighbours for some bizarre reason have assumed that OP and her husband are mother and son.

Therefore, the most obvious conclusion is a husband who is leading people into believing that his wife is, in fact, his mother! Or at the very least, is not correcting them!

Nothing else makes sense if we are to believe that the OP does not look 65+.

No man with an ounce of sensitivity would repeat such a thing to his wife.

If it was even true.

'He once told me that one of his colleagues saw us out together and made a comment during workplace banter that DH lived with an old lady.'

I do think you are very much minimising this OP...

I doubt anyone ever told your husband that his wife looks like an 'old lady.'

If the card from you both said from Jane & Tom, why on earth would someone address their card to Tom & Mum?

Also in the time you've been dog walking and getting to know the neighbours have you not talked along the lines of DH & I like gardening; my husband likes to cycle, etc?

The vast majority of people would never risk causing offence by assuming your relationship is mother and child, especially writing it on a card.

The primary friendship is obviously with your husband, they didn't write, 'To Imnotlaughing and son'.

So why have they got the wrong impression when you say you don't look old enough to be his mother, which I expect is true? Have they misunderstood something he's said? He needs to put them straight.

I've just remembered that my DH's work colleagues once mistook me for his mother when we were shopping in town! And I was young, fit and (sorry but I was) pretty hot back then. They'd seen us from a distance. At the time, I was fond of wearing vintage dresses, so I probably looked like an extra from a 1950s sitcom.

I wouldn't fret about your face, OP: I think people just pigeonhole each other based on a very loose distant impression. Grey hair and a walking frame ticked enough boxes, they're not bothering to look any closer.

My own observational skills are rubbish - I don't think people mean any harm, it's just the way our "pattern recognition" minds work, fairly or not. People we pass in the street are not the focus of our proper attention.

Then it's really weird that they only put his name on the card and only thanked him, even if they thought you were mother/son

I honestly think it might be a case of your dh’s possible age range and your possible age range (from how you look to strangers) allows for people to assume that you might be his mum; I can’t remember if you mentioned you were 55… well if your ‘stranger’s guess’ age range is 55- 65 (as you mention you haven’t aged well, and have grey hair / comfy clothes), but your dh’s ‘stranger’s guess’ age range is 45-55, as maybe he has short hair, maybe it is not so grey, maybe he looks trim, and a bit younger than his age. Which means that in those scenarios, you could both either be 55, or he could be assumed to be 45 and you 65 (or 46 and 62, which would be a 16 year gap, enough to be mum and son). It sounds like one of your neighbours has made the assumption, and maybe mentioned you in passing to other neighbours as the mum.

I dont think your friend can give you a neutral impression, I think knowing someone for a long time, and knowing someone well will affect how you view someone (visually). It is more telling for a complete stranger to judge.

I have a low opinion of some men, your husband included. Please explain why you think he chose to tell you his colleague was taking the piss out of you looking like an old lady. Allegedly.

You could do one of those ask the public things and stand in a shopping centre and get your friend to ask passers by to guess your age as if it’s part of a TV show.

I guess it will remain a mystery then.

Your DH relayed to you a colleague said you were an old lady.
He showed you a card where a neighbour addressed you as his mother.
He hasn't stood up for you or corrected them in either situation.
So he's at least somewhat responsible even if he hasn't directly told anyone you are his mother.

If people only my DH talked to all had the same assumption about me, and others he hasn't talked to didn't, I would become suspicious about what he was saying.

I have a great opinion of men! I just think it was cruel of your husband to tell you that his colleague thinks you look like an old lady. He also doesn’t seem bothered about correcting the neighbours.

My husband wouldn’t behave like that.