What do people see when they look at me??

Maybe you need a few more public displays of affection with DH?

That might change perceptions ... If they call the police on you, their views must be quite strongly held!

Hi OP, I suspect it’s older people not paying much attention and DH looking younger than his age. You could always upload a photo to chat GPT and ask it to estimate your age?

Oops. I did this once. Newish neighbours; she in her fifties and he's early twenties. I told her her son was really nice and friendly😳. Turns out the "young lad" is 48!!! As is she but she looks it and he really doesn't.
So that might be your case @Imnotlaughing ?

I can't fathom the colleague saying that to DH; I would assume he said "I saw you out with your old lady" which just means wife where km from. But if your DH misunderstood then laughed - then worse told you - he's a complete prick.

I thought this too - why would your DH tell you this? It’s hurtful and bound to make you a bit paranoid.

Plus when the Xmas card came addressed to DH & Mum, he could have hidden it instead of showing it to you - doesn’t he want to protect your feelings?

If I was your DH I would have hidden the card, and then gone around to tell them thanks for the card but she is my wife, not mother.

I think it could be clothes. Chuck out every single item in beige, cream and tan - wear beautiful colours.

I also wonder if hubbie has given out wrong info and wonder why he told you about colleague and didn't hide the cards with the wrong info. Seems a bit mean of him or that he gets some sort of even small kick out of it.

I’m a few years older than my husband and look every inch my age. He looks much younger than he is. He grew a beard to give him some “gravitas”. It would still sting if people thought I was his mum so I completely understand.

You seem very reluctant to accept that you do look older but if 3 unrelated people that do not speak to each other have said this then I think you do have to consider that something making you look a lot older than you are. What do you mean by 'comfortable clothes'? Because if you mean things like fleeces, 3/4 length trousers, walking sandals, sketchers etc then people will think you are an old lady. Also, you haven't answered if you are grey which probably adds about a decade on

She’s actually 9 years younger than him. A substantial age gap but people seem shocked that’s she’s not 25 for some odd reason. If she had injected her face and dyed her hair they probably wouldn’t say that - I think it’s the lack of conformity to beauty ideals that throws them.

Ageing can really mess with your head but more so if people make assumptions. I think sometimes we do have a very skewed idea of what middle aged or older women are supposed to look like. So it's not all just about you and your life experiences and how they show on your body and face, but also sometimes how people experience life through a filter and increasing use of cosmetic procedures. I work in a place where two of my direct colleagues, one the same age and one slightly younger than me, who use botox and lip fillers and I will of course look much more aged compared to them. Men don't really have the same societal skew. It is what it is.

Its easier said than done but try to work out how you want to deal with it if it happens again so you have a practical response. I would bet you look completely normal for a woman in her 50s who has seen life.

You don't have to change your appearance! Some people look older, some younger. My DH has two friends close in age but a little younger than him. They both look older than him, one significantly so. It's easier for men than it is for women, but in no way do you have to change your appearance as a result of other people's weird assumptions.

Feck em all!
Could be so many reasons for this including wrong information doing the rounds with your neighbours and unfortunately society being more used to seeing men with younger women.

I also think media can have an effect on this as we see more middle aged women on tv etc using fillers etc and looking younger than their years. I feel when we then see women in real life who choose not to artificially beautify themselves we un/subconsciously think they are older.

It's like grey hair and some comfortable clothes - we are getting better but still subconsciously think it's aging.

I also also think that middle age woman unfortunately age faster when peri /menopause hits where as men (the bastards 😂 ) don't have this for another 10 years or so and some like my OH are even aging better!

It might be hard but best thing is to think feck them all and try love your amazing body and yourself for all you have come through and especially please don't die your hair unless you want to ( I love grey hair at all ages).

You might need to look at how you’re dressing. Lots of women early 50s are wearing wide leg jeans, decent trainers & a nice top. When you say you like comfortable clothing do you think maybe you dress older than your age? Is your hair cut nicely? Do you wear nice accessories? Might be time to have a bit of an over haul?

It might just be behaviour, OP. Could it possibly?

I've had similar to this, people think I'm my dad's wife!

What people think you look like is the bottom of the list in my world. I think it's more important what people think of your character. Please send cards back and say "from John and WIFE" haha

I know it's hurtful and I'm sorry 😞

I think a haircut and reshape would make a difference, look at the Golden Girls. they were only in their fifties but the haircuts they had made them look so much older. Definitely let them know you aren't his mum as well though!!

I can't fathom the colleague saying that to DH; I would assume he said "I saw you out with your old lady" which just means wife where km from. But if your DH misunderstood then laughed - then worse told you - he's a complete prick.

The neighbours is very unfortunate and the previous suggestions that a misunderstanding spread are possible BUT it's more likely he looks younger than he is and you look older than you are.

I can only think of one woman who has stuck in my brain as looking significantly older - of course she's not the only one but I noticed for a reason. I was pregnant at 40. Everyone in work congratulated me and gushed over the news, presumably as I'd had a lot of health issues prior to this. Nobody mentioned my age at all but I do look a little younger than I am (mid to late 30s then).

My colleague announced her pregnancy the same week and I remember a stunned silence then some laughter. The laughter wasn't nasty, it really did seem that she was being very deadpan funny saying there was more pregnancy news. The reason being she looked in the late fifties, early sixties. In fact she was a year younger than me.

She was understandably livid. She knew what age I was as we then had lots of pregnancy chats. She asked me if I'd encountered rude remarks from colleagues regarding age and pregnancy. I had to lie and say I had (I had not).

Now to tell you why we looked so different.

First the difficult but true stuff; I was fairly trim as I exercise a lot. I have pretty good skin and thick hair; good luck on my part re the skin but I also style and colour my hair. Hers was grey. Her skin was really really tired looking with huge bags under her eyes. I suspect she was deficient in something or other.

Now the easier stuff; as mentioned grey hair is very ageing. But she also wore no makeup at all and it made her look older. She frowned all the time and had bad posture. She wore a huge coat and lots of layers of muddy colours.

I'm not saying we should present ourselves in anyway we don't want to.

I'm saying that IF YOU WANT TO LOOK YOUNGER ONLY then do an honest appraisal; makeup,, professional hair, smiling, standing up tall and wearing fitted brightly coloured clothes can make a big difference.

But can I finish by saying that three people's stupid opinions are really not that important. They may be blind, nasty, daft or hitting on your DH. Who knows?

Perhaps everyone who lives in your road has poor sight? That sounds a facile comment but they may just have got into their heads that a mum and her son live at number 75 and just go with that. They aren't actually looking at you properly or just are extremely short sighted.

There's 19 years between me and my son. A couple of people have awkwardly asked in the past if he's my partner, which is really embarrassing! Not because I look the same age as him, I clearly don't. I think the people asking would have thought it weird if we were partners but they just weren't sure. What I'm getting at is it's probably the less "awkward" option to presume you're his mum if people aren't sure. Big age gaps give a lot of people the ick but they don't want to offend. I'm aware you are more offended now! But they aren't to know that. Some people are also really crap at guessing ages. Your DH might look 10 years younger than you, for various reasons, but some people don't do the maths and just make assumptions.

Im sorry ,i would say people arent really looking at you.
If you walk with aids etc they may see the disability but not be looking at your face properly.
Just a glance and making lots of assumptions.
If DH or your bump into them see if you can refer to each other as husband or wife.
I very much doubt you really do look old enough to be your DHs mum.
IF you want to it may be worth investing in a good cut and colour, some new clothes, maybe your get eyebrows done, dentistry if needed or lightly applied make up? The above can make you look younger/ make a difference to peoples perceptions.
But only do things you want to do for you.
F**k everyone else!
My DH runs a lot and is tall and slim and when hes running people glance at him and think hes younger than he is!
A couple of people have mistaken him for our son!! Doesnt happen when hes not running thou and hes standing still and they look at him properly!
Could your DH not have thrown away the card or did you see it arrive.

Why what happens if you are past 50 and your hair hits your shoulders? Instant death?

I am also 53 and a couple of years ago was taken for my mother's sister at a funeral we were both attending. My mum was at that time 88. Yes, you do a lot of looking in the mirror thinking WTAF. But there is no way you could look in your mid to late 70s OP unless you are heavily lined, completely grey haired etc.

What absolute rubbish. Im sorry but this is just ageist bullshit. The idea that women over 50 should only have short hair is just laughable.

Do you drink enough water? Might sound daft but I can really tell if I'm not hydrated enough, it massively ages me.