What do people see when they look at me??

To be fair, I also considered that as a possibility. Why would he tell you a work colleague called you an old lady?? That was incredibly spiteful of him. Is he nasty in other ways as well?

Your dh is an uncaring, insensitive twat for telling you what his colleague said.

People are idiots. I was out once with my daughter and my mum, and some woman noticed the family resemblance and asked us if we were related. I joked back that we were sisters. And she believed us. Admittedly, my mum was wearing well, but not that well!

This happens regularly with my mum and dad. People think the husband is the son - when he's actually older than her.
She does look about 10 years older than she though, and my dad looks much younger than he really is.
It really upsets my mum. But she doesn't make any effort at all, where my dad does. Anyone can look a bit better if they try.

I'm guessing the PP suggests this as he repeated the comment from his colleague and handed you the card - you didn't need to know about either. So, I would be giving him the side eye, if I were you.

I think what you probably need to do (IF you want to address this, and there is no reason you should), is contact a few stylists, find one you like, go see them w some pics of DH and explain what's happened.

I'm guessing it's a combo of him passing for late 40s, you perhaps looking more late 50s, then clothes and your general manners making the gap seem bigger.

The stylist can help you update your look, and can probably suggest good hair and makeup people. Skincare and teeth - you probably know if it needs attention.

I think the most aging things for most people are skin, hair and teeth, so sort those out if needed, update how you dress a bit if needed.

Or don't, it's not compulsory and it's not the most important thing about you.

Can't advise on the husband, but I wouldn't be super happy with his attitude here. If he thinks you need a style update, there are plenty of straightforward and fairly tactful ways to say that, he doesn't need to be a bitch.

Tell them they should have gone to Specsavers!
You are you, and it’s the person that you are that’s important, not the vision that random people observe. To quote from the Bible…..’If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out’! Happy Christmas 🎄

Think of it this way. They think he looks like the kind of man who lives with his mum in his 50s. They probably haven't thought about it much, just decided hes the weirdy guy who lives with his mum and not bothered looking at you in any detail. I would tell him to look in the mirror 😀

@Glowingup no, just the free one

You say your husband is older than you, but does he look younger than he actually is perhaps? It could be partly that? I'm sorry this has affected your confidence.

The exact same. Do you have the paid for version?

And also, just to add, they addressed the card to ‘DH name and mum’? Why wouldn’t they use your name? Is it just your DH that talks to them and they don’t even know your name? If so that’s even more likely to be your DH behind this. And he never corrected the guy at work, (the guy that ‘allegedly’ bullshit called you an old lady) and he also handed you the card that called you mum? No way. Either he’s fucking with you or you’re fucking with us.

Honestly maybe it’s just a simple case of him looking a bit younger than he is and you looking a bit older.

There’d really only need to look like there was around 16 years age difference for people to conclude that you were a young mum. To a lot of people that would be more likely than you dating someone who appeared 16 years younger than you.

Maybe you look a little older but that doesn’t mean you don’t look good.

Put it another way, your husband needn't be so bloody smug about the perceived age difference - he's in his 50s and people think he lives with his mam!

I was asked if I was my friends mother, she's 7 years younger than me and I'm told I look young for my age. Do I you work, if not maybe they think you've retired and your DH may look or act younger than he is, so they think you must be his mother. Drop it out in conversation that he's your husband make a joke of it if you like and say you can tell who's had all the stress in our marriage can't you 🤣🤣 or maybe it's time your husband told them, they will probably feel terrible. A lot depends on what we do, how we dress, do our hair etc , if it worries you, take a look how others your age dress etc.

I thought this too. He might just be a twit but he is not trying to boost you. Why he would give you that card? Is he a bit stupid? I’ve had some genuinely near evil boyfriends in my past but even they would have the decency to chuck it away and correct the neighbours before I found out!

and op, what does your husband think? Does he think you look a lot older than him and if so, why? If he’s just not very good at keeping his mouth shut he might just be the key to figuring out why this keeps happening.

also, you say you had drink/drug problems - are you able to completely look after yourself? Like as in I’m shit with skincare because, though I’m sober now, I still have some deep rooted lack of self worth - so I’m not great at indulging in skin care and stuff. It makes a difference. Although why I don’t know because men seem to just wake up and go and barely do anything - I guess they’re allowed wrinkles - now I think about it, you probably look exactly the same age and that’s why people think you are older. Same wrinkles, same age spots, same comfy fashion choices but his says to society ‘slightly weathered, 6ft 5 probably means 45-50’ and yours says ‘tired from life and tanned/skinny from walking a lot means retired and probably 65-70).

Sorry that was a working thought process.
I’ve come to the conclusion it’s sexism.
and your husband is either silly or mean.

To add, I’m 58, don’t dye my greys, don’t wear fitted clothes and often wear walking gear while out walking my two dogs. No-one mistakes me for an older person in her 70s

I also think your DH has something to do with this. It was my first thought. My exh would love doing this, as well as saying I had the voice of a man. He was emotionally and psychologically abusive and it took me years to actually realise this.
It is very odd that your dh hasn’t corrected people.

To be honest a lot of people need to go to specsavers. Im always getting mistaken for a colleague who is 30 years younger than me. She's offended because I look 30 years older than her and Im offended because Im very slim and she isnt 😂

So sorry OP. Is there anything chance your DH has told them your his DM? I say that for two reasons… a grown man and a woman living together, even if she looked 50 years older, I wouldn’t dare presume she was the mother. Seems odd for 3 people to be comfortable stating it as a known fact. Also, he handed you the card knowing how it would make you feel. I’d have thrown that shit in the bin!!! Maybe he wants you to feel old?

eta… and the guy at work saying he lived with an old lady? BULLSHIT! No one would actually say that, and any decent man wouldn’t dream of repeating it back to his partner. I have a firm feeling your other half is behind this OP.

@Glowingup what did you ask it? I’ve just tried it - I attached 3 pictures of my face without make up and used the prompt “how old do I look?” It responded with 32-36 which is accurate.

Do you wear sunscreen on these long walks OP? Skin damage can be caused by the great outdoors.

Also is your hair white/grey? I find people tend to assume that women with white/grey hair are all in their dotage because so many women dye their hair until then.

If you want to (you don’t have to) you could brush yourself up a bit - hair colour, prune your eyebrows (another major age indicator), a bit of Botox if you have heavy lines.

char gpt tells me it can’t estimate people’s age from a photo

Sorry I should have added, I’ve asked ChatGPT to estimate my age and it gave an accurate range, not a flattering answer 😂

This thought crossed my mind too for a few reasons.
Firstly because he told you a colleague called you an old lady - why would he repeat that back to you?
Secondly it's absurd to think you look so much older than him that various people have assumed you are his mother.
Thirdly, as they put DH & mum on the card it seems like they know his name/talk to him more than you. I've heard my DH talk to our neighbours and he'll say something like "my wife takes the dogs out in the morning..." so it makes me wonder how your DH is referring to you.

I'm also curious though about the way you act? Do you never hold hands down the street, or kiss goodbye on the doorstep etc?

Argh OP don't do this. Don't go down these rabbit holes. Please keep your sanity.