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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think wedding vows are a load of tosh?

181 replies

BeQuirkyMintScroller · 22/12/2025 07:30

All anyone can promise is to be honest.

Just the idea that you can promise to always feel a certain way no matter what life throws at you for the the rest of your life is insane. You cant really choose your feelings.

AIBU to think that the only vow should be:

"I will always be honest [with you about how I feel]"

and maybe a second one of

"I will not get angry with you for being honest"

I have been to lots of weddings that wildly promise feelings of forever and always. But then again I've never married so am not really qualified!

Mnetters experienced in love and war - AIBU?

OP posts:
DahlsChickenz · 22/12/2025 07:37

The only vow which is actually a legal requirement in the UK is the one where you declare that you take the other person to be your lawful wife / husband. The remainder are only convention, or are decided by the couple themselves.

I made the traditional vows (better or worse, sickness & health, richer & poorer, to love and cherish til death us do part) and I intend to keep them. I don't assume my feelings are immune to change, but I made commitments which I plan to keep. It's like any promise - nobody can predict the future when they make one, but they can commit their own behaviour to upholding it.

RampantIvy · 22/12/2025 07:35

gogomomo2 · 22/12/2025 07:32

Well don’t get married then. I meant mine

Same here. Married for 44 years now.

Although, I do kind of agree that the wording could be updated to include respect, shared values, kindness and to show consideration and honesty. Those are values that our marriage is based on.

Screamingabdabz · 22/12/2025 07:34

We had a frivolous throwaway wedding but I took mine very seriously and still do. Been married nearly 30 years.

CandiedPrincess · 22/12/2025 07:33

In most cases these days you're allowed to write your own, so people choose ones that are meaningful to them.

LeedsZebra90 · 22/12/2025 07:33

Given the divorce rate I think you're right. I like the entire of more realistic ones.

gogomomo2 · 22/12/2025 07:32

Well don’t get married then. I meant mine