to think wedding vows are a load of tosh?

It's a statement of intent. Well, that's my view on it anyway.

That’s not said in a Catholic wedding and it’s legally binding.

The whole point of marriage is that you accept it’s forever, and from that, you find a way through the inevitable differences, challenges and arguments, because you know you must face them all, not run away.

This is a very simplistic view. If someone is abusive or turns out not to be the person you thought you’d married then you absolutely have every right to end the marriage. Women often say “he changed after we married/had children”. Sometimes people just fall out of love - should they stay together for the sake of “vows”?. It’s ridiculous. Nowadays there is no reason for women to stay for the fear of being shamed or sent to the poorhouse or whatever. I’d never want one of my dc’s to stay in an unhappy relationship.

Marriage is a metaphysical concept, but one that has been recognised by our laws. (Just as many crimes are in fact moral judgments recognised and enforced by our laws.)

Yes, but it’s a legal contract that can also be ended, quite easily. Divorce no longer comes with any stigma.

Respectfully, that’s silly. I do associate devotion to the institution of marriage with stupidity, and for good reason. Marriage used to be forever for entirely patriarchal reasons, to do with property and lineage, just as female fidelity used to be policed so that a man knew who has was leaving his money/land/name to.

Fortunately we’ve outgrown this kind of nonsense.

Well no, marriage isn’t a metaphysical concept, it’s a legal contract that unites two individuals. If you’ve legally married then you’re married, there’s no ‘well, not really’ at that point.

The whole point of marriage is that you accept it’s forever, and from that, you find a way through the inevitable differences, challenges and arguments, because you know you must face them all, not run away.

If you don’t accept it’s forever, you’re not really married.

We live in an age in which people equate cynicism with cleverness, sincerity with naivety, and devotion to institutions with stupidity. These attitudes are deeply mistaken and are not serving anyone.

I don't know. My husband promised to always make me a cup of tea in our vows and he's kept to that, so it works for us.

I had never wanted to get married but after having children we decided to wait for the civil partnership to become available for us. We were in and out in about 10 minutes and we just had two witnesses. For us it was purely for legal reasons not a celebration and it was incredibly cheap!

Well, “To love and to cherish, til death do us part…or at least until about 18 years in when someone else I fancy more than you comes along and I have to then go and shag her in my car as you just don’t give me attention any more” doesn’t have quite the same ring does it? 😂

People who don’t get what OP is talking about shouldn’t reply. Hint: it’s not about whether you meant it or not.

But if you discover you’re with the wrong person it can be a living hell. Often a person’s true colours don’t emerge until after you’re married.
I meant my vows when I got married but being abused both physically and mentally meant I had to break those vows for my DC’s and my sake. I’d far rather have had a stable and lasting marriage but I was living with a narcissist bully.

They are not tosh, but I did worry about the concept of making vows that I could not honestly say I could keep further down the line. Vows don't take into account life events and changing circumstances. I would have preferred to promise to do my absolute best for my husband and our life together. At the end of the day it's all a leap of faith and we have now been married for 25 years. I am also not keen on retaking vows. Once was enough for both of us.

You can write your own vows?

Perhaps 'til the death of Love do us part' might work for the current age. Personally after 59 years of marriage I'm not going to break in a new bloke. It's taken a life time to train him!!! I said my vows and I meant them. They can be the cement that keeps one going during the stormy times.

I meant mine! We had a choice of three or four different vows- two were very similar- ours were based on love and friendship. Couples don't have to say the traditional 'in sickness and in health' vows.

Got married aged 22 to first boyfriend. Unsure looking back if I could be trusted to pick out a meal deal let alone a future spouse at this very young age. Lasted 20 years - 2 kids but now divorced. Older and wiser - definitely wasn’t old enough to know what I was signing up for.

You have been happy.💐 Sometimes it is too terrible to stay.

We meant ours. Been very happily married for 30 years.

People shouldn’t get married if they think it’s not a serious and lifelong commitment.

I would never have got married if I didn’t mean the vows I made and didn’t intend to keep them. I still take my vows just as seriously after 45 years as I did the day I got married.

Marriage vows are largely about commitment - basically, ‘I’ll stick by you regardless of whether we are rich poor, healthy ill etc.’ If you are with the right person then it’s not tosh, it means something. Married almost 20 years and it still resonates with me.

Hard agree. But have to concede likely why you and I aren’t married 😂

We don't "just live together" if we aren't married though, we are actually in relationships as well. I've been with my partner for 22.5 years, he's not the stand up in front of people avs being stared at kind of guy and I've never felt the need to force him into it. Weddings are expensive, they're a pressure, they're commercialised. I remember a guy I once worked with, a young healthy guy and the expense of planning his wedding drove him to have issues with really high blood pressure.

There is definitely an element of not wanting to fix something that's not broken plus I had someone tell me once that they'd been to the marriage museum at Gretna Green and it sucked all the romance out of marriage because the origins were landowners taking contracts of ownership of women.

I'm inclined to think yes they are , they were a means to an end in my mind but i did not include to obey !
I am still happily married to the same man and intend to be until death do us part but i didn't think to much about a few words that are repeated time after time just to get to the part that concludes you are legally married .
I feel similar to swearing on a bible whilst laying your hand on it , i had to do so once as a witness to someones marriage annulment procedure and it absolutely means nothing to me whatsoever so i didn't feel at all genuine doing so.
What really matters in a marriage is actions not just words.