Parents buying for randoms and expecting me to be eternally grateful

29 replies

Jokethecoalwoman · 22/12/2025 06:35

I'm just looking for opinions here, as I find my parents behaviour odd but maybe it's perfectly reasonable and average.

My parents buy presents for quite random people - this year they've mentioned buying for a neighbour's grandchildren. When I asked if they're nice they said they've never met them.

I mean if they want to buy presents for people they've never met fair enough. But they expect me to be thrilled by it when I just think it's odd.

They are very "you give to receive"orientated and pretty obsessed about giving presents to anyone who's ever done anything for them. For example when a friend gave me some hand me down baby clothes my mum insisted I buy her a scented candle in return. I've given loads of kids clothes away and never even thought about getting something back in return.

Christmas cards too - they have not stopped going on about whether or not I have given a Christmas card to a relative I never see. I haven't. But because they have given one to us my parents think I should be eternally filled with gratitude and can't get their heads around the audacity of me not sending one to them.

This all sounds minor and it is....but they go on about it constantly.
And my mum can be very huffy about such things.
I know the "we give strangers presents"/"great auntie didn't get a card from you" situation will be brought up on Christmas day.

So AIBU to think giving random neighbours grandkids you've never met and to be offended about who I haven't given a Christmas card to is strange?

OP posts:

firstofallimadelight · 22/12/2025 06:47

It does sound difficult and yes it’s strange they do that and ridiculous that they pressure you to do it too.
I agree with first poster try to shut it down and say firmly, I am on top of my gift/ card giving I don’t need to be reminded thank you.
I also have difficult parents and have learnt that I have to tell them to stop if I want to enjoy their company.

Billybagpuss · 22/12/2025 06:45

It is a different generation. My parents went through their Christmas card list religiously every year and always noticed if one wasn’t reciprocated. As they got older this was often accompanied by a ‘I hope he’s not dead’ sentiment. My great aunts didn’t speak for 6 months as auntie Lizzie never got a card from auntie Nelly who swore blind she’d sent one. Some point around June auntie Lizzie found it under the doormat.

I’ve made it very clear to my parents for around the last 15 years that with the exception of a few select elderly relatives I don’t do Christmas cards, due to many factors. The baby clothes things is a bit different. Depending on who it was I sometimes gave a box of chocolates, if it was anyone directly involved in my parents lives I definitely gave something just to keep the status quo in their heads.

MrsZiggywinkle · 22/12/2025 06:44

Yep, but you’ll never work out why!

Just say yes if they asked if you sent a card to Great Aunt Maud. Are they going to check? Probably not! After all, the post is terribly unreliable these days….

What age are they? They might be on the slippery slope of cognitive decline.

13RidgmontRoad · 22/12/2025 06:41

”Mum, dad - you and I do things differently, and see these expectations differently. I’m on top of who I do and don’t give gifts and cards to.”

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