Aibu to feel annoyed in laws have invited friends over on Christmas day

I think this whole thread is about you being out of your comfort zone - quiet, tightly wound, almost stereotypically British tbh. I think you need to learn how to loosen up and engage with something different - you might enjoy yourself. As for the PIL being ex-pats and the “drinking culture is different” I suspect they are perfectly normal outgoing people. You are doing yourself a disservice by painting them as somehow odd.

I would love an expat Christmas over our boring stiff family get together with family who barely have a thing to say to each other!

Can we swop lives for a day???

I am in two minds here because that sounds like a lot of fun to me but I also know my very introverted DS with ADHD and ASD would absolutely hate it.

Inviting friends is an absolute non issue for me and DS would be warned who was to be there but for him, it wouldn't matter as he would not speak to anyone anyway. I would have already prepared the hosts to expect DS not to speak much if at all and that he would probably listen to music/podcasts on his earphones during dinner

Re the karaoke - What I would do is prepare DS for what was going to happen and talk to ILs about the possibility of him escaping to a room on his own if he could not cope it at all . I would find out how long it was likely to last but in the end DS knows that sometimes things are not exactly as he would prefer them and he rides it out with his noise cancelling earphones.

My main problem would be that I would champing at the bit to take part in the karaoke but really would not be able to as DS might be able to stand it for a while but only if DH and I absolutely did not take part. Us doing so would be the final straw for him - (Sigh the things we give up for love of our children )

I am not sure what to say op but it would not occur to me to ask my hosts to not do something they planned for Christmas, despite having an ASD, ADHD 21 year old DS who really struggles with anxiety, new people and change. We would work it out. In the most extreme scenario, we might book a hotel room for the day/night and DH and DS would retreat there on Xmas night , while I enjoyed the karaoke 😉

They have probably embraced the local culture. PIL also live abroad and it’s the norm to have family and friends in and out visiting and sharing a drink on days such as Xmas and NY as well as birthdays and any other excuse for a celebration . Often will pop in unannounced too. Try to embrace it too.

I would be upset too.

i don’t think they have done anything wrong. Its their house and at Christmas it should be the more the merrier. Maybe they find you and your children hard work so they thought more people would lighten the atmosphere! I don’t enjoy doing karaoke but i would happily watch others take part. Why should everything be planned around your dc and why can’t your dc cope with other people around? No wonder adults these days are always complaining that children/ teens are socially inept!

Although this is some 50 years ago when I was in my late teens, my parents were abroad and I had to mix with their friends - the expats. By golly, could they drink. I remember how stingy they all were with soft drinks because they bought them in as mixers for their own very alcoholic tipples.

That said, they were quite a friendly sociable bunch before they got too drunk (no one will remember your karaoke attempts, I'm sure). Just have escapes planned when drunkeness sets in (and political discussions). You'll probably manage better than you think and your teens will be disgusted by 'old people' antics 😀

Being able to socialise for a short time with people you don't know well is an important life skill. If your teenagers haven't got to grips with it yet, this will be a learning opportunity for them.

Yeah I thought that too tbf

Their house, their choice who to invite

They are proud to have you there with their friends.
What is the drama?
The teenagers will like the different personalities.

This makes absolutely no sense because SIL’s grandparents presumably are people she knows and loves. So if you think Christmas is all about family then this scenario meets that criteria. Surely you didn’t expect your BIL and SIL to not invite members of their family just for your comfort? The double standards here.

God… imagine being couped up for Christmas with a po-faced DIL and the parenting fail of her rude kids who have never been taught to socialise comfortably with different people…

I would absolutely hate that but at the same time I suppose they can invite who they want to their house. I do think it was thoughtless of them though to not consider how you or the DC would feel about spending Xmas day with strangers.

My PiL are like this too. One year we went over for Xmas and on Boxing Day there was about 30 people there mostly consisting of strangers we didn't know, who all proceeded to get very drunk including my PiL. By the time it came to dinner time there was no food prepared or anything in the house in fact, PiL didn't seem bothered about this as they were drunk and don't eat much anyway, so me and DH had to go out and buy tons of buffet type food and 2 big takeaway pizzas. The whole lot was scoffed in about 30 mins so everyone was obviously hungry. Never again haha.

Maybe the friends have been invited to dilute the effect of sulky-arsed teenagers.

Cant you do a bit of both. Play board games, di a bit of karaoke, play more games. Variety is the spice of life.

Christmas isn’t just about your teenagers though. Perhaps it would be good for them to experience something different and outside of their comfort zone.

I can’t believe how inflexible some people are and how people would consider cancelling because the day isn’t going to run exactly how they’d imagined it would. If your in laws have invited friends to visit on Christmas Day they must be important to them. Life doesn’t need to be so compartmentalised and it will be good for your children to mix with a range of different people.

I do!

House guests who think they are just being two faced, and who think the hosts can’t see the displeasure oozing off their face. Yuck!

OP is itching to spoil Christmas, and is scavenging around for things to be annoyed about, now at ‘the vibe’ being wrong.

What seems really obvious is that OP feels zero responsibility for helping ensure that Christmas is a success. She is expecting Christmas to be done for her, and is all “I like it how I like it” and very little insight into how to be a good guest. She obviously has no sense of being flexible, and certainly her kids are clueless about being a good guest.

Ha ha, with my “family” it’s my friends who make me happy, not my direct family members

there was a thread the other day about someone’s brother wanting to bring his gf, and the hostess being outraged by it

pah! Pathetic! The more the merrier, stop gate keeping festivities!

This thread is bizarre.

There was one recently about an OP who had invited her friend to spend Christmas Day with her as she’d recently separated from her DH. The kids weren’t happy about it as it would change the dynamic and everyone called the kids selfish and Christmas is all about the more the merrier, everyone pull up a chair, it’s the season of giving etc.

But these ILs have invited friends, for any number of possible reasons, and it’s “horrific”, “rude” & people would “fucking hate it”? Is it only ok to invite friends for Christmas is they have a depressing backstory?

They will change the dynamic OP but it sounds like for the better!

God forbid they also prioritise their friends. Good for them. Maybe if more people held friends in as high importance as family there’d be less posts on here from people sad about not having any friends!

I suggest, when it comes to the Karaoke, you choose something that gets the message across. I'm thinking something like The Smiths "heaven knows I'm miserable now" or the Beach Boys "Sloop John B".

Try to be more open minded! Perhaps this couple will make the experience more fun for everyone

if your teens are a bit shy, it’ll also take some of the pressure off them as your in-laws won’t be hyper focused on them iykwim.

kids evolve, perhaps if they see others having a laugh on karaoke, even if they don’t join in, it’ll possibly entertain them

you say you’re not particularly looking forward to it, but again, perhaps this couple will make the day easier. Clearly your in-laws like them enough to include them, and they think you’ll all mix in well

perhaps even they know you’re not mega keen, as in the case of your kids, and they want to lighten the mood a bit?

New Year’s resolution time: go with the flow ☺️

I remember being a bit more “uptight”, for want of a better word, when DS was in his teens, he’s 20 now, and it’s easier as he’s old enough to take more responsibility for himself

admittedly DS is super social and can spend time with literally anyone and everyone with ease, maybe if you’re more go with the flow, your kids will be too?

is there a language issue too?

I don’t understand why anyone would have an issue with the situation OP described unless they’re boring, insular and antisocial