Aibu to feel annoyed in laws have invited friends over on Christmas day

Indiaplain · 2025-12-21T22:08:58+00:00

We are visiting my PiL for Christmas - they live abroad so this happens rarely. My MiL was delighted we are going. However she called DH today and casually mentioned they had also invited some friends over for Christmas Day. Im feeling annoyed as it changes the whole dynamic. My teenage DC were not looking forward to it anyway (very long journey, not much to do there, very rural plus they are not close to the PiL) - neither was I but thought maybe a good opportunity for them to spend together, and was trying to think positively. Aibu to feel so annoyed about this? They’re big drinkers as are most of their friends so now I’m thinking it’s going to turn into a big drunken session (MiL has brought a karaoke machine - my DC’s nightmare tbh!).

ThatBlackCat · 01/01/2026 22:14

How did it go, @Indiaplain ?

mathanxiety · 01/01/2026 21:08

Has it occurred to anyone that the GPs are hoping to put the OP and the sullen teens off from ever coming for Christmas again?

RealMember · 01/01/2026 20:22

Update please?🙏🏼

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/12/2025 09:27

TheGrinchWasHere · 23/12/2025 03:41

I’m sure they are not only going to be there for JUST Christmas Day. Christmas is a season (they are not going abroad for a few hours on a specific day!) and one day spent in the company of friends AND family does not make anyone a bad grandma.

A lot of the rhetoric about drinking, being drunk, ignoring the children has been presupposed based on the OPs fears and assumptions by other posters.

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Quite.

TheGrinchWasHere · 23/12/2025 03:41

ttcat37 · 22/12/2025 20:33

I don’t really care what other posters have said. There’s plenty of people also saying that it’s shit of the grandparent who hardly ever sees her grandchildren to not want to spend the day with them, especially as they are flying there to see her. If she can’t be arsed, why should they? Most of them don’t want to go anyway!

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I’m sure they are not only going to be there for JUST Christmas Day. Christmas is a season (they are not going abroad for a few hours on a specific day!) and one day spent in the company of friends AND family does not make anyone a bad grandma.

A lot of the rhetoric about drinking, being drunk, ignoring the children has been presupposed based on the OPs fears and assumptions by other posters.

ttcat37 · 22/12/2025 20:33

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/12/2025 20:03

Don't be ridiculous plenty of posters have said the OP is being unreasonable snd controlling.

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I don’t really care what other posters have said. There’s plenty of people also saying that it’s shit of the grandparent who hardly ever sees her grandchildren to not want to spend the day with them, especially as they are flying there to see her. If she can’t be arsed, why should they? Most of them don’t want to go anyway!

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/12/2025 20:03

ttcat37 · 22/12/2025 19:39

Ooop I found the shitty grandma that puts boozing with her mates above spending precious time with her grandchildren who’re travelling from another country!

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Don't be ridiculous plenty of posters have said the OP is being unreasonable snd controlling.

ttcat37 · 22/12/2025 19:39

AmyDuPlantier · 22/12/2025 14:53

Jesus. Some of the miseries on here are unreal.

Cancel an entire holiday and stay home with a ready meal because the GPs are having Other People round for dinner.

🤣🤣🤣

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Ooop I found the shitty grandma that puts boozing with her mates above spending precious time with her grandchildren who’re travelling from another country!

Jllllllll · 22/12/2025 19:19

Maybe it will make things better for your kids? More people to interact with?

Stompingupthemountain · 22/12/2025 16:43

TheGrinchWasHere · 22/12/2025 15:52

Geez and the assumption that Christmas is only for family is so limiting and rigid!

My Christmas wish this year is that next year we all have Christmas with people we actually like rather than the obligatory family. I much prefer my friends to most of my family anyway. They are the family I choose!

THIS!

TheGrinchWasHere · 22/12/2025 15:52

Geez and the assumption that Christmas is only for family is so limiting and rigid!

My Christmas wish this year is that next year we all have Christmas with people we actually like rather than the obligatory family. I much prefer my friends to most of my family anyway. They are the family I choose!

grlwhowrites · 22/12/2025 15:42

Stompingupthemountain · 22/12/2025 10:38

This makes absolutely no sense because SIL’s grandparents presumably are people she knows and loves. So if you think Christmas is all about family then this scenario meets that criteria. Surely you didn’t expect your BIL and SIL to not invite members of their family just for your comfort? The double standards here.

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There's a boatload of assumptions you made there based on a personal anecdote by a stranger online.

No, I didn't expect SIL to not invite her grandparents. Where did I say that? I didn't. I did say that I went, was sat next to them and made polite small talk, as I explained. Brother and SIL sat them next to me bc I am chatty and they knew I'd make them feel welcome, as I did. Privately, I didn't enjoy myself at all and wouldn't want to do it again. I didn't like that it fell on me to entertain someone else's in-laws, who I'd never met before, during Christmas dinner.

How horrible of me, what a truly heinous person I must be to have been nothing but polite and friendly to complete strangers on Christmas Day and then anonymously admit online that I didn't find it fun! 😱

Bluedenimdoglover · 22/12/2025 15:41

Why worry, unless they have no WIFI? Most youngsters would rather be glued to their phones, so what goes on around them us pretty irrelevant.

maddiemookins16mum · 22/12/2025 15:04

Maybe the change of dynamic might improve things.

AmyDuPlantier · 22/12/2025 14:55

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.

This has precisely zero to do with the OPs situation 🤷‍♀️

AmyDuPlantier · 22/12/2025 14:53

ttcat37 · 22/12/2025 04:40

YANBU it sounds dreadful. Think I’d be inclined to cancel the trip- if they only rarely see you all and can’t prioritise the chance to spend time with their GC over friends then I would not make the effort to travel there. Get a Sainsbury’s Christmas dinner in a box and enjoy yourselves!

Jesus. Some of the miseries on here are unreal.

Cancel an entire holiday and stay home with a ready meal because the GPs are having Other People round for dinner.

🤣🤣🤣

5128gap · 22/12/2025 14:20

Life is about experiences OP, part of which is sering how other people behave and do things. Sometimes its good, sometimes not so good, but always interesting.
Personally I'd go armed with an open mind and a SOH. If its absolutely dire then you DH and your DC should be able to see the funny side. You're altogether in one place on Christmas day, having the experience together, and that's the main thing.

Dapplesun · 22/12/2025 14:12

I’m not one for karaoke etc normally, but this sounds like an ideal fun Xmas? Agree with go with an open mind…you could all really enjoy yourselves. If your staying and the friends are only there for Xmas day, you’ll have plenty of other time with just GPs? Walks to explore the area etc and board games? I only wish my children had any GPs that were interested in them AT ALL, drinks and karaoke or not. It is only a few hours. I think you’re over thinking it OP and making yourself anxious, you don’t have to sing, cheer everyone else on, chat and serve some drinks and snacks

ComedyGuns · 22/12/2025 14:11

InveterateWineDrinker · 22/12/2025 14:09

Who the hell accepts invitations but only on the condition that nobody else attends? Regardless of whether the end result is your cup of tea or not, this kind of attitude really comes across as selfish and ungrateful.

This!! Get a grip!

TheGrinchWasHere · 22/12/2025 14:09

OP have you said which country your in laws are expats in? I need to add to my vicarious Christmas with your family and location is key. Hoping it’s somewhere warm and tropical!

InveterateWineDrinker · 22/12/2025 14:09

Who the hell accepts invitations but only on the condition that nobody else attends? Regardless of whether the end result is your cup of tea or not, this kind of attitude really comes across as selfish and ungrateful.

PensionedCruiser · 22/12/2025 13:59

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.

My upbringing was similar, except it was my grandparents who were the publicans and their (adult) children the massive boozers. You have my sympathy.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 22/12/2025 13:48

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.

Not in any way comparable to the OPs situation though is it?

GalaxyJam · 22/12/2025 13:42

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.

Im not sure this is the same as the situation described in the OP.

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.