Nobody willing to my adjustments for us, for Christmas!

No one knows how many christmas' they have left. I'd be fucked if I was running around like a blue arsed fly for people who can't comprise 1 iota.

This.

They have made their choices, you have offered to host them and they have declined. Do what is best for your family, put your child first and don't feel guilty about it. If your mum really doesn't want to be alone, she can come to yours.

As soon as we had kids we made it clear Xmas day we are at home. No guests or travelling.

Just sounds like a normal Xmas. If you aren’t
happy then you have to sort, but whatever you do you’ll upset people.

Omg. Just do it from this year. Christmas is for kids so put your own family first. Your mum seems to be making things unnecessary difficult for you as you've suggested completely sensible options. Visit gran on boxing day - shes not alone and she stopped inviting you so she clearly doesnt feel that guilty. Your mum has two options. Come to yours or let you cook at hers. Either way, travelling on xmas day for a kids sucks. Adults can suck it up.

Stay at home. Invite them. If they won't come say you'll see them on Bixing Day or another day.

DC dad and I didn't even expect him to come to the other parent on Xmas day by that age (we alternate). It's a day all about him, and the one of us that doesn't have him sucks it up and has a great boxing day with him instead.
The fact that grandparents aren't willing to break "tradition" to come over and see their (great)grandson enjoying all his new things and just having a lovely day suggests to me they aren't that bothered about seeing him on the day full stop.

Not unreasonable at all OP! I've posted on here before about this. It's one day of the year and when you have kids I really believe you should prioritise your time with them - you get 18 Christmases with your kids if you're lucky before they can fly the nest, make the most of the day with them instead of being guilt tripped and trying to please everyone else - they aren't being fair to you by their unwillingness to compromise. There is always so much pressure on families spending Christmas day together and having the perfect day but it is often unrealistic and it is only 1 day. See them on different days, don't feel like you have to cram and rush everything. It's not fair on you.
I'm abroad but used to dread Christmas because DH parents and my parents are divorced. 3 of them never met anyone again so they are all alone. After DS was born we had a Christmas from hell at MIL - all the travel, upheaval, lack of routine/sleep - we were shattered. Then after a week travelling to my mums (5 hour drive). It was too much and we were shattered by the end. All parents then expected us to repeat this each year and alternate parents - its lovely that they wanted to spend time with us but there was no consideration to what we wanted and we spent all our time people pleasing.
Fast forward to now and we stay in our home. Week before I spend all week at my mums and visit family. Everyone is welcome to visit but only a couple bother. We set our own traditions rather than fulfilling other people's. It's much better. A couple of members are alone Christmas day but it's their choice, they have friends who invite them but turn it down. And it is really 1 day.

Stay home and invite them. Time to start new traditions. They either come or not. All this traipsing about is ridiculous.

This

We always visited both sets of parents, admittedly they lived closer. But the difference is we wanted to. I’d prep everything Christmas Eve and then the bird goes in at lunch time between visits and the veg etc only takes about 45 minutes. No cook starter and dessert.
if you don’t want to go only you can make it happen. So if not this Christmas, next year have the Christmas you want and warn them this year.

Also to say it helps when we take it in turns to host so everyone goes to one place.

I thought you want his gran was alone! As she’s with family I’d say we are having dinner at ours. We will pop over mid/late afternoon to say hi - or invite her to yours . Or go over Boxing Day.

Invite your mum to yours for lunch if she says no that’s her choice 🤷🏼‍♀️

Then you can stay at home until later in the day and no rushing about. It seems crazy to me to rush off for 10am and then come back and eat at yours to then go out again!

We did this for many years, rushing around to visit both families and GPs. It was often 10pm we would get home to ooen our own presents, this was before DC. Then we changed it to Christmas day at one parents, boxing day the other, including GPs on those days. This helped to spread it out and have more time after DC. Xx

You need to put your child first now, Christmas doesn't sound very enjoyable for them.

Who knows how many Christmases any of us have left, I would not like to have spent any one of mine rushing around to that degree.

Of course at 94 the chances are the granary won't have vet many more, but she's had plenty with you.

Your mam can be alone if she wants to be so awkward.

I honestly don't give a flying fuck about what other people want if they are just being awkward or obstinate in the face of kind invitations to join your family.

Don't wait til next year for the Christmas you want.

Maybe take a brunch to grandma’s and invite mum, ok cook later oon..?.

Grandma isn’t alone then. She has other family what her. So you see her on boxing or Christmas Eve.

tell your mother that you’ll be over at ….. (whatever time suits you)

Personally, I'd prioritise your mum, as Granny sounds like she has plenty of company, but your mum would be alone if it weren't for you.

Is there a reason your mum couldn't come to you though? I don't see a reason she can't fit in with you?

So does your DH’s grandma still host on Christmas Day? If so, I’d visit Christmas Eve.
If your mum would be alone on Christmas Day, I’d invite her to yours. If she refuses then that’s on her.
Your current set up is totally unfair on your child.

He has to get up and open his presents then breakfast, ready and out for 10ish then back home for a quick lunch and then back out to your mum’s? No, no, no. That’s not fair on him or any of you.
Change it now!

I was lucky - our kids were all born November/December so it was an easy excuse to stay at home and for people to come to us. By the time our kids were older, it was ingrained that everyone came to us.

It's horrible spending Christmas day travelling from one relative to the next. I would make it very clear this year to both that you're not travelling next year and the door is open for them to come to you. So by Christmas, there's no "oh but you always come to me" as they've had all year to get used to it.

Spend the Christmas Day at Home
You've pratically dislocated yourself trying to please everyone
And everyone knows where you are
You have a little one so make it all about them and spending quality time together
They grow so quickly you know

Bloody hell, the grandma and mum have had more than enough years hosting and having their own way! Now it's time to make memories of your own Christmas for your son! Does he get much time to play with his new toys if being taken out and about? Not many years of Santa left.

If you put your foot down and invited people around instead would they come? When I was a child (before my parents divorced at age 8 and i was dragged between houses all day) we used to see my nana on Christmas eve for hours and drop in gifts, and Christmas day was then just the nuclear family having a lovely day playing with toys, eating and napping. Then boxing day was a busy family visit day. Nice balance across three lovely days.

put your child first - i did and likely upset a few

children stay home with their gifts, we cook and people come to us

absolute ridiculous nonsence for ONE day!! surely it makes no difference if you see your mum or granny Christmas eve or boxing day? But to your child, it really matters!
stay home!

In your shoes I’d see nan 10-12 and pop to the others 5pm - 7pm