Husband affair - what do I do about Christmas?

What? He’s the one choosing not to see them and completely confuse them. All for his sexual needs. It’s not about being gay or promiscuous.

It’s about him being a vile and seedy little man with a sex fetish. Who puts that before their children?

Not your problem to be honest. He cheated on you and made this mess - he needs to deal with the fall out.

I definitely not have him staying in the house. I think that will potentially result in upset and arguments that are worse for the children than him not staying there!

You haven’t ruined the kids Christmas, he has. He’s also now making you feel like it’s your fault you can’t bare having him around - but no, that’s his fault too.

In a homophobic world it may seem most our many gays are promiscuous, it's the worst form of betrayal etc.
Bottom line, he's the kids' dad and it's in their interest to have a good or even average dad in their lives.

He's worked on his own convenient timing su far, had an affair for a year secretly, planned to separate after Xmas and packed when she how he'd tell his parents. Your and kids' convenience comes first now.

This. He is being a cheeky entitled cunt.

Say no. He needs to make his own arrangements, you're not his Mum.

You want your kids father and grandparents in their lives, need to keep things calm.

Your poor little ones OP. The fact he will be uncontactable over Christmas is so awful for them. If it was me I’d be changing the locks, my phone number, I’d close the joint account and move all the money into an account for you and your children. I hope you are ok. You and your children will be absolutely fine without him

He doesn't care about the children, he is purely focused on his own needs.. He's just using that as an excuse, pathetic little man. If I were you OP I would move my money out of the joint bank account before he does. A man that can behave like this has no moral compass so expect the worse and protect yourself and your children.

Christ what a shock then. An affair and cheating is a body blow to find out he’s also bisexual, it’d with a man and he’s a swinger, all together, I don’t know how you’re still standing. 💐

Because he deliberately hid this from you so he could get away with both lifestyles. Even now he’s telling you he loves you and just never got the opportunity to explore male lovers as a young man. You’ve now learned he isn’t telling you he‘s also been swinging with women. He is making excuses to hold onto power. He’s actually a victim, he couldn’t stop himself.

Next time you confront him he will be suicidal or saying he’s learned he is a sex addict and none of it is his fault. But it is. He made these decisions, he deceived you. He knew it was wrong but he did not love and respect you enough to leave you or be honest with you. He endangered you with reckless sex with who knows how many meaning you couldn’t possibly protect yourself.

This man does not deserve your sympathy or compassion. You deserve sympathy and compassion. You deserve support. His choice to abandon you is a deliberate one to scare you. You need to hold your ground and tell him you’re glad he’s keeping his distance and that he should continue to do so.

I also think it’s very important you lean on family for support. There is no shame for you in what he’s done. Don’t keep his secret for him. Speak to someone close to you about this.

I’m so sorry @Lisawr the ‘didn’t get to experiment’ is utter bollocks. What stands out to me is how careless of your safety he has been (intimacy with multiple partners, higher risk). So selfish. Then has the nerve to ask to stay ‘for the sake of the kids’ errr no, don’t let him emotionally blackmail you over this - the nerve of the man!

This is so much more than curiosity. Hes been sexual with other people, men and women. Hes been with this other man presenting him as a partner. The lies involved in this were staggering. He was NEVER going to tell you. He was going to keep spending family time and money on sex parties. Keep risking your health.

I wouldnt bother confronting him. He wont be honest. Id just divorce him. He cant give you closure on this, nothing he will say is something you can understand and he lost access to your understanding when he behaved like this

And all only possible because he took you for granted and assumed you would look after the children.

So basically he is a bisexual solo swinger and third in threesomes.

but most of all he is a big fat fucking cheater.

and yes his likely staying at one those peoples houses as they are a scene and he will be “one of them” so they will take him in as their own.

Read the update @Lisawr I'm really really sorry you are going through this. It must be such a shock. Under circumstances like that I'd too want him to leave pronto. I'm really sorry.

Was there any signs he was bisexual and a swinger? Or is it just as much of a shock as the affair?

Oh god so he wasn’t just shagging Barry it was the a whole group of people.

Like cool but not when you’re in a closed monogamous marriage.

The amount of risks he has taken health wise then also been spending family money on these men and using annual leave. Like that’s not a well it’s been an itch because we got together young, not that that would be an acceptable either but still.

Thats a whole gay scene swapping sharing joining in. Cottaging no doubt. Ah man.

Just read your other posts so realise my suggestions are moot!

Really glad you're getting checked out, hope it all goes well and he's not been even more disrespectful in that arena.

I'm also glad he's not going to be there and has taken the decision out of your hands so you're not having to make that tough call.

I am so sorry OP.
He is scum. He's put your health at risk by 'experimenting' not just with one man but with several.

I'd have told his parents exactly what he has been up too. In fact I'd probably message all his friends too.
Please tell your family, you need support through this.

He's such a shit - you were worried about the kids missing him for Christmas, he's happy to piss off. At least it sounds like he won't be looking to move back in.

You're being incredibly strong about this - have you talked to a solicitor yet? Might ne an idea to at least getban appointment arranged, as seemingly there's a spike in seperations after Christmas.

He's a lying shit bag - you did nothing whatsoever to deserve this. Make sure you can get as much as you can to support your kids in the divorce settlement.

That his affair partner is still in his family home is shocking - I think hus wife was right to tell you, but she's blown up your life just before Christmas, while pretending to her kids/family that everything is OK with her marriage.

He’s trying to scare you into seeing what it will be like without him. He’s hoping you’ll be terrified by his rejection of you and the children for a few days. He’s not just a cheat. He’s also an abuser and an emotional blackmailer. You have more going on than the fact hes had an affair and I hope the what he’s done with the other man shines a lot of light on the rest of him and your life together. You will be well out of this even if you don’t see that right now.

So pleased you’ve confirmed this as with every update I was thinking I hope she saw my earlier comment! And the more recent ones. It sounds so fucking seedy and I can’t believe how he’s behaving, leaving his kids and not being contactable. Total prick.