Husband affair - what do I do about Christmas?

He needs to tell his mum, then she can choose whether to tell his dad or not. He can then stay at their home. His behaviour is not your responsibility. Take care of yourself and your kids.

If his parents are away then their place must be empty? Could he go there? I definitely don’t think he should expect to stay with you.

He needs to tell his parents. Then come over on Christmas day (for the kids).

I agree. It’s emotional manipulation to make you feel guilty about telling his parents. There will never be a “right time” to tell them, so he needs to do it and go to their house. I can’t believe he is manipulating you in so many ways!!! “Don’t ruin the kids’ Christmas” “Don’t kill my dad” when it is all his doing?!

The second he gets any kind of legal advice (whether from a friend, a solicitor or even chatGPT) he'll realise he has the right to move back in.

So, may be time for calmer discussions ... maybe early in 2026.

I agree with pretty much of all the comments above. He's been a bastard by disrespecting the family unit. YOU and your family are the priority. Do what you have to do, but have no regrets.

He's the one who should be looking for somewhere else to reside, not you having this added pressure.

Good luck.

Legally if he is listed on the mortgage /part owns the house he can insist on staying there, you won’t be able to change locks/throw him out.
In your shoes I would be contacting his parents and explaining that he’s had an affair (up to you if you mention specific details) and needs somewhere to stay if he won’t go to a hotel.
It is not your job to smooth over his path when he has been creeping around having sex with anyone regardless of their gender. If the affair was caused by sexual attraction unless you were aware he was bisexual he has not been honest during your entire relationship. He didn’t just wake up randomly one day and fancy a bloke, he has known this about himself for a long time, which makes the whole situation even worse IMO, you haven’t ‘just’ been betrayed you’ve been conned as well.
For me there would be no coming back from this, if he insists on staying in the house as he is legally entitled I would be seeking legal advice asap and start the process of separating asap.

That rubbish ,he doesn't want them to know he's fucked his marriage by having an affair and a gay one at that.
Nothing to do with anyone's health
Still looking out for number one.
Utterly selfish bastard.

@Lisawr

He doesn't want to upset his parents by telling them he's a cheat and you've shown him the door? Diddums. He certainly wasn't worried about upsetting you when he cheated, was he? No, he was not! Tell him to face up to the consequences of his own behaviour and ask his parents to stay there. His father may be in poor health but he's bound to find out the truth so it may as well be now.

Do not let him back in. You run the risk of him refusing to leave. You don't want to have to live in the same house with him.

I know this is so new, but it's imperative that you seek legal advice. Doing so doesn't mean you're going to 'do anything', it's just educating yourself as to what divorce may mean to you. Knowledge is power and forewarned is forearmed. Write down a 'snapshot' of family finances (incomes, expenses, assets) to show a solicitor so they may better answer your questions. It may not be cheap, but good legal advice is worth its weight in gold. Trust me, I know!!!

Don’t let him back, he will never leave. He needs to find somewhere else to go.

I would say - well they are going to find out everyone is eventually and I will not be silenced - I will tell them when I’m ready and I want to. Right now where you stay is not my problem - you’ve lied and cheated on me your wife and your entire family so don’t give a pity parade or any issues to solve. This is your circus and your monkeys - see ya

So do his parents have an empty house somewhere where he could stay?

No I absolutely wouldn't put him in spare room. I wouldn't put myself through that and would be unfair on the dcs too and confuse them

Tough shit if his parents ask questions. He's just trying to hide what a piece of shit he is from his family.

How old are your kids? I would possibly allow him over for dinner but there's no way I would want him under the same roof.

It's just disgusting he's lost his family and he's not even with the person he cheated on you with. What an idiot.

Have him call his parents and say he has come down with norovirus or flu and wants to stay in their house to avoid spreading it to everyone.

Quite. Why should you be nice? If he’s agreed to leave the house, keep him out short term. Can’t he go to his parents, he doesn’t need to give the full story, but has a neighbour got a spare key?

Quite.

God what an awful situation op I’m so sorry. I agree with others he can stay in a hotel.

Pathetic coward.
The very least he owes you is space to process the pain he's caused you, to respect your boundaries while you do that.
And he doesn't want to upset his parents?!!
He can tell them whatever he wants but he'll have to ask if he can stay at theirs, because sleeping at the "family" home isn't an option. And why spend money on a hotel when his parents have an empty home he can use?
He's going to have to tell them at some point that the marriage is over. He might as well do it now.

This.

You'd be in a genuine dilemma if it was a case of staying at yours or sleeping rough. But he has access to an empty familiar house, and doesn't want to take it because he doesn't want to look bad in front of mummy and daddy? Fuck that. They're going to find out soon so why not now, if it makes your life easier? That's literally the least you can do and he should consider himself very lucky that you (1) let him stay briefly (2) haven't told his parents/everyone yet and (3) are going to let him see the children at Christmas

Yuck. Sorry OP, what a shocker that must be right before Christmas.

But no, what he’s suggesting is absolutely not ok - he doesn’t get to play happy families “for the kids sake” and have a cosy, family Christmas with everyone pretending after what he’s done.

Id be so disgusted I wouldn’t be able to look at him never mind put on some sort of act over Christmas when you must be struggling so much.

Please tell someone close to you, don’t deal with this alone.

I’m shocked you haven’t sent an explosive text to his parents yet. I probably would have in a rage.

Dh will be staying at yours since his been shagging Barry from the pub. Merry Christmas.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, especially a week before Christmas!
If this was me I would give him two options, stay in a hotel and come round for dinner, or if he can’t afford it or there is nothing available, allow him to stay in the spare room but make it clear to him that he is not moving back in and that it’s all on your terms. He’s the one who’s messed up so you’re well within your rights to make the rules!
You clearly have a good heart because even though he’s done this you care about him still.
Maybe sit down when the kids are in bed and discuss how the moving out process it going to work, he doesn’t deserve it he deserves to be kicked to the curb but sometimes we have to push our pride to the side and be the bigger person, it’s hard but you’ll get your good karma for being a good person.
Please don’t feel like a bad person if you decide him staying with you is too much, he’s turned not only your life upside down but your children’s as well, and he’s had a year to consider all of this, he needs to face the consequences!
I hope that you and your kids have the best Christmas you can possibly have

Eurgh, what a disgusting pig - I’m so sorry.

Do you have family you could stay with over Christmas without going into too much detail over the nature of what’s happened (unless you want to?) and he stay in the house?
that way you’re not on your own and be kept busy, and he can join for bits of Christmas for the kids sake.

Not an ideal situation at all and I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position - again it’s us women who have to deal with being s**t on time again by men and still have to sort everything out for our children’s sakes.

If you are married and the house is mortgaged, not rented, you likely can’t legally chuck him out/change locks etc if he doesn’t agree to go, as it is still his house too. Hopefully he will see the sense in so doing and go quietly for the kids sake. I’m so sorry you are going through this op.