Husband affair - what do I do about Christmas?

Shagging another man for a year isn't experimenting.

Nah ,say sexually experimenting from age 15 he had nearly ten years to see if he preferred Arthur to Martha.
More lies.

That’s bullshite, stop listening to this liar coming up with cliche excuses.

You're not ruining the kids Christmas though are you? He's done that.

You're making their Christmas the best it can be without their dad there.

He absolutely cannot stay with you.

Claiming there was no "emotional affair" is irrelevant. He's attracted to men. He won't give thst side of his sexuality up.

Airbnb. Sykes. Haven. The list is endless. I would not consider letting him stay but, I suppose legally he can if he wants to if you both own the house.

If you don't want him staying then where he stays is his problem OP. He has an option of his parents. If he doesn't want to use that option then that's on him.

Don’t ask Mumsnet for permission- do exactly what feels right for you. You could do what he’s asking and get the trial that is Xmas out of the way.

OR as I think many on here will say, you could insist he only comes for presents or lunch.

personally I would tell my children daddy is working and he’s going to take you out/do a special day at home (without you) on Boxing Day. Don’t start too amicable, next year will be worse.
Tell absolutely everyone the truth and hold you head high.

However if he does come back for Xmas, he’ll be difficult to get rid of again.

Hi OP I am a slightly older mumsnetter. From experience what he is about to do is to try some serious gaslighting. Something along the lines of, he was not really gay. It was only short term thing. He really loves you etc. This of course will be rubbish, but he will be looking to get inside your head. In reality if you fall for the lies, he will be off again when he finds another playmate. He needs to find somewhere else to go over Christmas. He cannot expect you to keep up the pretence with the children. Such a pretence would be exhausting. Take legal advice ASAP and agree that close relatives must be told. For the avoidance of any doubt this must include that he has had an affair and that it was with a man. You can agree a joint statement, but if he will not do this, do it for him. I would also get some counselling early on in the new year. This has the potential to have a significant mental health impact.

I haven't advised the OP to do any of those things.

Legally he can insist on returning but for now he's asking her permission and she is within her rights to say no. If she says no and he returns anyway, she can't stop him, but it's not actually got to that point yet.

What self-centered, selfish, grubby and sordid behaviour on his part. What kind of person betrays his children and wife in this way?! The ONLY person he cares about is himself and his actions, of over a year, confirm that. His behaviour was a conscious and repeated action. He now reaps the consequences of his choices.

Your priority now must be the children because he has proved he cares nothing. Your other priority is yourself. You certainly need a full sexual health screen, as a matter of urgency. They already know daddy is ‘working away’. Only you will know what language to use, to explain age appropriately, that daddy will not be living here any more.

What he does now is up to him, but you have no responsibility to house him. He is an adult who is capable of making his own arrangements. Leave him to it, and let him dry his own self-pitying tears as he remembers each sordid encounter.

Get your anger on, take strength from it, and accept nothing less than what you and the children need to move forward.

When is he planning on alarming them? It’s now or at some point. Not your issue anyway! How would they know he was there if they’re away? He could just say your boiler broke or something if he needed

The problem is that OP has no grounds to refuse to let him back in and if he's so inclined he can legally force entry to the house (assuming he's part owner or a joint tenant).

I know it's tempting to say "change the locks, kick him out, refuse him entry", but you can't legally deny someone access to their property.

Obviously he will come back if wants to op. I'm sure you know this. Unless you have sole tenancy or mortgage. So you might as well make it amicable. He's an absolute arse though.

They are for those whose partners are considered to be a risk if allowed to stay in the marital home.

Absolutely not.

He made his choices when he decided his dick needed to go into someone else.

This is NOT your problem OP, and the children will be fine.

Don't be manipulated.

Why on earth are you saying the OP should go elsewhere, and when he's the one who cheated - plus he actually does have somewhere to go! He just doesn't want to. Well, tough.

He's already left btw, so it's not about kicking him out - it's about not agreeing to let him back. If he was refusing to leave in the first place, it would be different.

FFS this is complete and utter bullshit.
Occupation orders are for people who are actually being abused not cheated on.

How old are your children? If they are super young, they may not remember their dad being around or not for Christmas. A bit older and they might. So it may it may not matter if he is around.

Could you go somewhere else for Christmas? IE decamp to stay with family (and get support).

I would also get advice this week- get . Ask around your friends for any divorce lawyer recommendations.

Tell him he can lie to his parents and tell them your house has been flooded if he wants to, so they don’t worry. He shouldn’t have a problem lying to his nearest and dearest, should he?

I wouldn’t let him come for Christmas Day. Mostly because the children are going to be very confused if he appears and then vanishes again. You’ll end up being guilt tripped into letting him stay for their sake. Plus it’ll be horrendous for you. Lastly, once he’s back in, he might decide he’s not going anywhere. You don’t want that. Obviously he has a legal right, so you can’t stop him if he’s adamant that’s what he’s going to do, but I would tell him that I would have zero guilt about phoning his parents and then announcing to the world what he’s been doing and with whom. It doesn’t mean you actually have to do that. But he doesn’t know that.

How touching to show such concern for his parents. Where was the concern for the children who have had their family torn apart? Or for the woman who committed to marriage with him?

I’d be inclined to call and ask them myself. Say he needs somewhere to stay, as things haven’t worked out with the man he was having an affair with. May as well come from you. I wouldn’t let him walk around feeing like a noble protector. I’d prefer everyone (his parents included) know that he’s a cheating bastard.

So sorry this has happened to you.

I don't think you can really tell how composed someone is from a post on Mumsnet.

Please don't listen to the posters advising you to kick him to the kerb or send him to his parents. What he has done is abhorrent, but regardless of this, you cannot kick somebody out of a home that they jointly own or change the locks. I would request that he remains in the spare room until a plan is made and you have gone through the correct channels. If Christmas is being celebrated in your home, you cannot really do anything other than allow him to be present. Can you go elsewhere?