Partners adult child just introduced new born baby to MIL, we had no idea

I can’t work out why his child would send him a nasty text calling him unpleasant names. Do you know why they would do this?

Probably because they were hurting at that exact moment and felt like lashing out at someone who ignores them. And the DP ignored their text. I'm not saying it's nice but generally people say that when they are hurt.

It sounds like they are in touch with their grand mother - this is totally normal. Perhaps the ex partner has known the (ex) in laws for years & kept in touch due to the children seeing them once their parents split.

I can’t work out why his child would send him a nasty text calling him unpleasant names. Do you know why they would do this?

Because they don’t don’t want a relationship with their dad and didn’t even know he had a new girlfriend or that he had made anyone pregnant. They also live in different countries and my kids are in their early 20s whilst their sibling is a baby. I doubt they will ever feel or act like siblings, but that’s on their dad who decided to keep it all a secret.

Children don’t just go no contact with parents for no reason, stay out of it

They don't want you involved. Stay out of it.

Sounds complex. I’m always sceptical when adult children don’t speak to their parents just because I know there’s pretty much always a big backstory there and the parents tend to claim they don’t understand why.

It's not your children's sibling's fault that he/she exists. Why would they not want a relationship?

Can you not read?

How awful to be estranged from his kids, but it happens.

Your DP needs to decide what to do, anything you do may be seen as interfering I'm afraid.

I hope it all works out and you do get to see and have a relationship with the baby.

Yes actually it was.

It provide a clear outline of why OP find herself with this query. (The first sentence).

It also sign posts what's like to happen from here on. (The second sentence).

If you have any further enquiries, please hestitate to quote me again.

And that was supposed to be helpful?

My mum used to say "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all"
HTH

My thoughts too..
In fact my cousin had a baby this year and he hasn't told his father or his paternal grandmother about it. Father buggered off when my cousin was 3 because he got his side chick pregnant. That's not quite the grandfather they wanted for their baby.

Totally this. His children don’t want to see him for a reason. Sorry OP but my parents would have had to do something pretty major for me to not want contact with them.

I would stay out of it, but in my head I would seriously be questioning how his children got to a point where they didn’t want to see him and why they call him a c#nt.

Agree with this 👆

And I also think in many of these cases kids are aware that the parent at least tried and failed.

I guess we agree to differ then.

I think most reasonable people would do everything possible to see their child. If it's lack of understanding of the law, they seek advice. There are numerous support agencies. They can also learn to represent themselves in court, or use the resources available to them to do so on their behalf. Engage with social sevices, legal aid, etc.

I don't think "I wasn't bright enough to navigate the legal system" is a good enough excuse to give any child.

Why should it be up to his kids to contact him to say "hi"-he's the parent! SO many men think being a good dad is doing fuck all and saying "they know I'm there for them if they need me" and waiting for the kids to reach out. Then wondering why they have no relationship as the children probably assume the dad just doesn't give a damn. FFS not good enough! And autism is no excuse.

In an ideal world, but taking legal action can be expensive and lots of people find it difficult to navigate the legal system on their own particularly if they have no experience of it, and aren't the brightest, so I try not to judge too harshly.

I find it hard to be entirely unbiased on threads like this as, both in my personal experience and in my wider life experiences, it’s so very rarely the case that the adult children are to blame for estrangement. It is, of course, not impossible though and so I will endeavour to stay on the fence, splinters and all! There is, ultimately, little to nothing your partner can do here and even less that you can. You need to keep out of it, and allow your partner to choose how best to move forward, or not, with the relationships, and lack thereof, with his children. He isn’t dumbfounded, surely, he knows why the relationship is poor, regardless of who is ‘to blame’ for that.

Why do you think he and the kids don’t speak to each other? What kind of efforts does he make with them?

I think if your child sends you a message saying you’re a cunt you either want to be looking at yourself and wondering whether to need to change, or worrying about that child. Not just ignoring it and being all astonished ages later when they don’t tell you about their important life events.

That's why courts and due process exist.

A father who doesn't fight so see his kids and build a relationship with them, isn't a man I would have time for.

There will always be exceptions but I would expect to see a paper trail of all efforts re access.

You say you’ve been together “for ever” so surely you’re well aware of the reason your partners kids don’t speak to him? How exactly are you both dumbfounded?

I'd always be sceptical of a "good man" who is estranged from their kids. I think you are getting very much his side of the story here, the fact he seems to have done absolutely NOTHING wrong seems to suggest he is not telling you the full story. No one is ever 100% in the clear, he must have made some contribution to the current mess.

Parental alienation?

This.