To think that some women care more about their careers than their families and that this isn’t always a good thing?

ODFOD

I wonder OP if you can give some examples of what you mean. If a woman is working and has a family, what sort of things would you take as 'signs' that she is prioritising one over the other?

Some people still seem to think that any woman who voluntarily (as in not just because she can't afford to live otherwise) goes back to work when her kids are primary school age or below is being selfish and career-obsessed at her kids' expense. Other people, including me, are of the opinion that this is fine and not a sign of neglecting your family. I can also think of a myriad of different situations where family priorities and work priorities might be seen as conflicting in some way (eg working late because it's part of the work culture for anyone serious about promotion vs insisting on finishing at 5 every day; missing a school Christmas concert because you can't get the time off vs refusing to work in a role that wouldn't give you enough flexibility to attend, etc). People will make all sorts of judgements about all sorts of situations but I'm curious about at what point you would start to think the woman was being neglectful of family and home life?

I don't agree with you at all that critiquing men's work/life balance is more normalised now and that work is assumed to be empowering for women. Women are, in my experience, still criticised so much more for their work choices, whilst men are more likely to be assumed to have some sort of deep level of need for work that can't be satisfied by family life.

I focused on women here because there’s often an assumption that women’s career choices are always unquestionably positive or empowering, whereas men’s trade-offs are more openly criticised.

I find this is more often the other way around, where mothers are openly criticised no matter what we do, with father's trade offs discussed far more rarely and in wider culture often dismissed as worth discussing. Men putting career first is culturally the default, with men who take less intense careers to put family first treated as an oddity to put more praise on than a women gets in the same situation or meets scorn for not being more masculine.

I think culturally, from an early age, success and ambition as treated as only relating to careers - even the OP discusses pursuing success only in terms of a career even though success can come from many areas of life. Having an ambition in marriage, family, home or in other areas of life treated as nonsense or old-fashioned, with travel being an exception and often only if still connected either with a career or earned from a career - if someone seeks to travel without that, they're often treated as a leech or immature. It's no wonder that many people frame their success closest to their careers in this environment.

I also disagree that there is an assumption that women’s career choices are always unquestionably positive or empowering - it depends on if it fits into the idea what is considered empowering. Having two daughters who did well at GCSE and chose vocational routes for post-16, they were openly questioned and criticised by their school for not choosing a more 'ambitious' academic path and my older daughter does not meet much positivity years on from 'just' being a teaching assistant.

I don't think my older son has had much discussion on the 'trade offs' of pursuing engineering, even working 6+ weeks at a time at sea, he's fairly open that they drill into him and his peers on how much money they can make once they're fully qualified with little discussion on wellbeing. The view is loud and clear that the predominately male profession he's in that the money makes up for the limited time with anything else. His father and I have had those lifestyle conversations with him, but even then, it leans towards making the money until he can reach certain goals and then getting more balanced work. It's just baked in that that will be worth it in the end, even if we can't be certain on that.

I prioritise my self only.

Pretty standard for men to this (and socially accepted), but it’s only viewed as negative if a woman does it 🤷‍♀️

Maybe people are worried about their financial future. Less people are choosing to get married. With marriage comes a lot of legal rights if you split up.

also, the idea of giving everything up for your children and husband in an essence being a housemaid, is unappealing to most people. I think previously women were chained to their husbands because private nurseries didn’t exist so they had to take a five year career break if they wanted to have kids. Possibly more, my mother-in-law had a decade off. Nowadays the picture is different.

I agree, OP. Work should take a backseat for awhile while children are young. Can be either parent who does this though.

I personally don’t know any women who do this but I do know a lot of successful hard working women who put everything into their work and family.
They do both.

Do you have any examples of women who do this? Maybe you just aren’t seeing it, maybe you are only seeing one side?

Sorry, but no. Men's trade offs are not more criticised than women's. Men choosing to prioritise their career and do fuck all at home or with their children is considered normal.

So let's deal with that first before we start with the oh so wide eyed faux-naive dissing of women's ambitions.

No, men's choices are not criticised. It is taken for granted that men will focus on their careers and not pull their weight at home. If they show up to do the school run occasionally they are Dad of the Year.

What do you mean by prioritising their careers? Why is it that women seem to have to make this big choice between family vs career but men can just carry on as normal without question or judgement?

I think a parent should apend 15 minutes a day uninterrupted qulity time with each child. Playing a game, reading a story, going for a walk, having a chat etc. If they are not doing this for whatever reason I think it is to the detriment of the child. This is more important than lots of extra curricular activities etc. Mums and Dads can of course do this whether working full time, part time or stay at home. People have different levels of energy, ambition etc and there is no "best" setup, just what works best for each family.

Why shouldn’t we? Men are able to do it without any judgement and in fact society expects them to do it.
fwiw I know of three mums who hav focused on their careers and their young adult children are either unemployed or in jobs that will have no career and no real progression.
the women I know who’ve kept their careers have young adult children who started on the same path.

What is right for one family and woman is different to the next and they shouldn’t be judged for having a good career and enjoying it

Maybe men should quit their jobs and support their wives careers by taking care of the house and kids!

You can prioritise your career without neglecting your children
Regardless of whether or not you have a penis

I agree op, I don't think it is good for children when both parents work long hours. I think one of each couple needs to put children before career, whether that's the man or woman matters less.

It's impossible to meaningfully respond to a post as vague as this. Where is your data coming from? How is the effect on these women's families being assessed and recorded? Are you actually just thinking about one or two people you know and extrapolating from that?

How do you feel about my setup? I work full time, earn 3x my husband who works part time and has our child 2 days a week. Should I be less career focused? Is it OK if one parent is not or does it have to be mum?

What about single parents who naturally have to balance everything?

There’s a pile of Christmas presents, a holiday booked for next year and food in our fridge that can tell you why both my partner and I prioritise our careers.

Life isn’t free. People work for what they have. Women included.

Who have you got in mind? I see far more women working part time, taking the hit in terms of pay, pension and career progression, than I see putting their career before their family. And I can think of very few men whose careers have suffered because of their work.

You sound like you are hankering for the good old days when men's careers came first.

I can't say I've noticed this at all. Many women can quite rightly want to further themselves in their career and want an identity outside motherhood and their family. In fact it's wanting to give their children opportunities and a good lifestyle that can make women more determined to further in their career.

It's 2025, women are highly intelligent and highly educated and have skills that contribute massively to society and the workplace. You can still be a loving, present mother and work too. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

What's your views on dad's putting their careers before family because the posts I read on here seem to always centre on struggling mums who are left juggling everything while the dad is unavailable, working long hours with seemingly no option to reduce these or be flexible whereas woman always do.

You don’t worry about this at all @ThatRedBeaker you just love a good auld bunfight. Just own up to it though, people will think far more of you for owning your attention seeking!!!! It is just a flaw we all have them. ;-)

Depends what you mean by prioritising. If you mean neglecting their children in favour of work, then you may have a point.
if you mean choosing a fulfilling career rather than being a stay at home mum, then you are incredibly unreasonable and misogynistic.