To think that some women care more about their careers than their families and that this isn’t always a good thing?

That’s good you haven’t had to, but I think you’re naive to think that flexible working is the norm. There are still employers for operational reasons cannot offer flexible working or even condensed hours.

But this makes no sense.
It's accepted that men can do it
Why can't it be accepted that women can too? I don't see much negative discussion regarding men choosing their careers. They get applauded for "providing".
Is there a particular example thats irked you, or are you just bitter you can't have it all?
I have a career I'm still climbing in. I have a DH and a 3yo. Should I not be allowed to have all of those? How many can I choose? My DC is incredibly bright and happy. My family time is protected by boundaries and my relationship is thriving as we both contribute equally.
Dont compare men who "work hard" but contribute very little at home, to women who fight hard to be recognised at work and also hold it all together elsewhere.
They are not comparible situations.

I would never have put my career second to my DHs
My bra burning mother and aunts from the 70s would have been very unhappy
That does not mean I neglected my DC who are all very well adjusted 20 year olds with whom I have a great relationship

@SouthLondonMum22 yes I suspect it goes both ways alright. I've never had much of a career so probably haven't heard these comments. I'm also less likely to read stuff online about careers. It's sad isn't it, that people can't just accept each other's life choices.

For the sake of argument let’s say they are in childcare from 8am to 6pm, which is what I did (not through choice). I did it to put food on the table because my husband was an abusive alcoholic and I had to leave him but needed to pay the mortgage and support my child.

My daughter still had a couple of hours quality time with me; and it was quality time, every evening and all weekends. Did she have a good relationship with her childminder? Yes. Did she ever think her childminder was more important than me? Absolutely not. I was the one she wanted to be with and we are still incredibly close now, she’s nearly 15. By the time she was four she was at school she wouldn’t have had the chance of being with me anyway.

So we are effectively talking about a period of three years in which she saw me for a truncated number of hours per day.

My daughter is thriving: doing well at school, happy and with good friends. I am as sure as I can be that sacrificing a good career that sustained me a single mother and supported her would not have been worth a few extra hours of hanging around with her at home.

I’m not going to feel guilty about what I did, partly because I had no choice and also because she was very clearly unharmed by it. But leaving my personal feelings aside, I am not sure what evidence you are relying on to assert that the way I raised my daughter was inferior or inappropriate? I’m prepared to bet my house you don’t have any data to back up the idea that this is damaging.

So in fact all you are doing is bullying and guilt tripping women who have done what they need to do to support their children with half-baked, unsupported and highly emotive theories about what you think in the abstract is better for children.

So you’ll hopefully forgive me if I tell you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Surely more time than what your DH spends with his children since he regularly works away?

It absolutely goes both ways.

I've had all sorts said about me because I dare to work full time.

Why bother having children
You don't even raise your children
Selfish
Materialistic

etc etc

What decade are you in? Never heard of flexible working? I’ve worked full time the entirety of my kids school lives (despite my DH being the one who works away, shock horror, I out earn my husband significantly…because I didn’t sideline myself) I’ve never had to put my kids in full time wraparound care.

Honesty I have not seen this trend. I know many women who are very career focused and do it for their own ambition, not just to support children financially, but they are excellent mothers. One does not need to trump the other. I genuinely don't know of anyone that I feel has let the child's importance slip due to work.

What I have noticed however is career oriented women who are critical and sometimes really bitchy towards mothers who do not work, or work PT. This is only a minority but I see it here an awful lot and in my life a few times. I have not seem the same level of nastiness from SAHMs towards career mothers, there seems to be much more acceptance of their life choices.

Our son threw up all over his desk a few weeks ago, if only I’d know I could have just told them to keep him.

I was in a meeting at the time, could have saved myself the afternoon of vomit cleaning!

You mean working parents can pick up their children from school/nursery when they are ill?

and here I thought they were just ignored with the way some pp's are going on. 🙄

Being around… when they were at school?

Our son is out 8-4 every day, I cannot “be around” for him during that time. Besides pick up when he’s poorly, which happens.

You can’t be available full time for kids who don’t need you to be.

Yes but how much? I doubt if they are in wraparound care for 40/50 hrs per week they don’t get much time Monday-Friday.

Exactly. Children do need the stability of at least one parent being there for them. My husband regularly worked away when my children were growing up (and still does). I’ll be honest I sacrificed my career so he could pursue his as his earning potential was far greater than mine which I was happy to do. We really believe that our children benefited from one parent being around. I was a STAHM.

Indeed and the standard for men is always so much lower!

Which can still happen if both parents work, even full time. Children also need to be financially provided for, they can't live on time and love alone.

Children with working parents still have time with their parents!

OP not returned I see.

People have different definitions of mothers putting work above their child. OP has never clarified what they were actually meaning.

Some would say a woman working at all is putting work about their children
Some would say a woman working anything more than part time is putting work above their children
Some would say a woman working full time is simply just working full time like a man does after he has children

etc

and again, it is always women. There's a massive double standard which needs to be called out every single time.

As I said each family is different and of course as a single parent you probably don’t have an option, however if both parents are around that’s entirely different.

Sorry but I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this. Children need time with their parents or at least one parent, whether it’s the mum or dad is irrelevant. The important thing is a parent is around for the child. I’ve known of instances where an ill child has wanted their childminder and not their mum or dad. How sad is that.

The only reason I work and have ever worked is to be able to support my children. If it were just me I'd be living in a tent in the woods foraging through bins.

But what does putting work above children mean? Have I made every sports day and school play dd has ever been in? No. Has she gone to clubs she'd prefer not to because I need to work? Yes. Has she ever gone without dinner? No. Has she ever been left in school ill when she needs picking up? No (although it might be me or her dad depending what we've got on. I've found as I've gone up the ladder I have more flexibility but it comes at the cost of sometimes having to work evenings and weekends. Dd is 14 and I've worked full time since she was 8 and part time when she was little but I traveled a lot so the 3 days I worked could be long. Luckily dh and I are a team and cover each other

The idea that a career is “putting work above your children” is palpably nonsense anyway.

A career is about building your employability, increasing your value and hence enhancing your ability to provide for your children. Whether you are a man or a woman.

In what universe is having less money, less flexibility and less satisfaction in your work a good thing for your children?

Anyone who assumes its preferable not to work is effectively saying money doesn’t matter in raising children. Any reputable data ever published says otherwise; there’s a far greater correlation between growing up in poverty and poor life chances than having a working mother and poor life chances. Traditionalists have for decades been trying to unearth evidence showing that working women damage their children but poverty wins hands down.

That’s a completely different thread topic.

Far removed from OP’s question about WOMEN who chose to prioritise their careers (over children and / or partner).

For all you have accused people of not reading OP it seem you are not the one who read it.