To think screens aren’t the issue, parents who can’t say no are?

I'm not with my teens all the time though, I have to go to work. I get them off their screens regularly for activities, family dinner time every night (no phones at the table) and they are in a lock box after 9/10 pm overnight, so they do have some downtime, but the rest of the time, it's pretty much open season. I'm much stricter than any of their friends' parents, which makes things even harder. Short of taking their phones off them completely, which would be my dream, albeit totally impractical, I'm not sure what else I can realistically do 😢

Maybe in an ideal world, or with primary aged children, or maybe I'm just a bad parent. When you're working FT out of the home then you have limited time to watch what everyone else is doing all the time. Our school issues screens so there is no parental control on them.

Have you gone through GCSEs and a levels all the app revision and stuff you learn via screens nowadays means a LOT of revision online as well as notes and even the notes are used from online

we are all plugged in constantly

What's impossible about taking the phones when they've had their screen time? (And overnight obviously).

I kind of agree- even older kids- you get them off screens by bribing them/ asking them to help, dragging them out etc but they still return to them. You have to parent teens and baby them as much as kids if you don’t want them stick to them. I disagree with people blaming homework and schools- it’s a drop in the ocean, my kids aren’t hooked on google classroom!!

It’s parenting and schools imo although I do feel parents are lacking the time to invest in DC activities due to having to both work full time.

They can have a phone in year 9 and it’s always left outside overnight. DC need to find other activities eg sport, music etc.

I know someone whose child had terrible MH issues when I asked about removing their phone the answer was no we can’t do that. Why? Well children have rights …….

Some parents really do need to understand that they are not modelling good behaviour..... like those at a panto last night who were watching football on their phones, and neither watching the show nor supervising their kids, FFS!

Easy to believe this when your children are young. And yes i think young children are given too much screen time

But it is very very hard once they are teenagers to maintain genuine control especially over phones.

I am tech savvy and I use paid for apps to control.my sons phone and they dont actually work against many popular apps.

Big tech are the culprits here not parents

Yep. And it can never answer direct questions. It’s always just word salad.

It's a bit transparent.

The thread titles are always very similar.

AIBU to think the problem is not X but XX - where XX is usually a target of criticism or controversy. Then pop in occasionally to jog it along.

At least it's not aimed at neurodiversity or benefits this time.

@ForPlumReader you are in control of how screens are used at home.
home work can be done on them in communal area.
needing hem for home work and needing them constantly is two different things.

Th issue has become a class one, where I live (North America). Time and money-poor parents are the ones with babies and toddlers in strollers watching cartoons or videos as they’re being pushed down the street or sitting next to their parents at the bus stop or in a cafe or even in the park. Rich neighborhoods are the only ones where you’ll see a 14yo with a flip phone. In poorer neighborhoods you’ll have 6 and 7yo girls doing the duck pout / peace sign / left leg forward pose for photos. In richer neighborhoods, a total parental ban on social media before 16 isn’t uncommon. Public schools: phones in bags during class. Private schools: phones handed in at the beginning of the day and returned at the end - guess where sports are played more and to a higher level.

There was a time in this country when vending machines for cigarettes and junk food were ubiquitous in middle and high schools. It’s the same for phones. Hook ‘em in early and you’ve got them for life, heck they’ll even do your lobbying for you they’re that addicted. They won’t know a life without. This is on parents, 100%. If schools allow screen use for studying it has to be curtailed the rest of the day. Why bring a switch or Nintendo into the house to begin with? Why allow iPads before school unleashes them in the first place? Why does a child have a kindle other than on long trips? Why give your child a phone before 13/14 anyway? Just say no. No it’s not easy, but neither is feeding your child a healthy diet or helping with homework or providing emotional support or any other element of parenting.

My 3 year old niece isn’t allowed screens (TV included). I find the latter a but strange but she’s a well behaved, articulate kid who has a great imagination.
Possibly just coincidence, but she’s certainly never ‘needed’ screens. She can sit in a restaurant without fuss, train/car journeys are no issues for her and she just chats about what she sees go by. My brother and SIL were adamant that they didn’t want her to be on screens at a young age. Fair play to them.
My friend had to ban her young son from iPads as just 15 minutes on it gave him a personality transplant. She’d ask him to get off and he’d be moody and sullen for the whole day. I really don’t think they do developing brains any good at all.

Not really, when teens are set homework on them.

Why on earth would it be a case of either/or? Screens are hugely addictive for adults, never mind children. Of course they are a huge part of the problem!

Because schools are led by what is happening in the world.

So they came on board with that and now some people are complaining about it.

But several years ago parents were complaining that DC were being brought up in an online screen world so teachers using a blackboard or whiteboard was obsolete and you didn't need to teach cursive or even writing because children were never going to need to write in the modern world, they'd only ever type.

Now people are complaining that they want DC to be taught without screens ...

Personally, I wish we had never allowed gaming devices, my kids bought their own, and my husband felt that was fine.

I was pretty sure it would become a battle, which it has. And it's honestly fucking exhausting to every day have to be telling a teeneager he needs to do something else when all his friends are online gaming. It's like every interaction becomes negative. And they fact that they paid for them actually makes it harder to threaten getting rid of them.

I agree although the teens now (and I do mean 13 and above as that is much youngest) didn’t have screens when they were little because they weren’t around in the same way.

Teens are pretty bad with phones and screens now the next generation is going to be awful as they have had them since birth!

This makes me crazy - why are they giving this stuff to kids? They actually need to write with their hands, it's very clear typing is not the same in terms of retention.

We have children into my work all the time who have such poor fine motor skills, they can't even cut with scissors effectivly, at age 9.

Even my older kids - my son is struggling in math. All his work is online. There is no book, no answer key - it's very difficult to help him.

I understand your point. Generally in life things in moderation arent an issue and its a parents job to guide the moderation. This is much easier with primary age or year 7 and 8 than years 9 onwards

A lot of effort has gone into making games addictive, shaping apps to create dopamine hits, algorithms to increase engagement etc. So the battle is multibillion pound industry v parents saying no.

Screens are allowed for homework in a communal area and for limited down time.
no tablets or phones allowed upstairs especially at night.
parental controls on social media and time limited controls.
at 8pm the broadband goes off till 9

Because schools are fucking stupid is why.

All the research suggest that screens are not overall a good way for kids to learn content. There are limited areas where they can be useful, particularly showing some good quality film content in very small amounts.

But if there was a choice between no screens, and a lot, in a school, the kids would be better off, by far, with none.

I was at a school recently to do a puppet show, while the kids were eating lunch the teachers in every bloody classroom had movies on the screens, or videos of Disney songs with cartoons. It's because they can't manage the classes.

And it's easier to put them on some maths computer game then actually teach them maths. It's not effective, but the kids have some a shit attention spans so teaching them is a losing proposition, plus they have no real options for disapline.

As parents we all try to do our best. Have I put my child in their high chair in front of the tv to get 5 minutes peace, yes. Have I given them a spoonful of calpol to get them to go back to bed, yes. Have I told them that it was a coincidence that their friend was given the same magic sand toy they were given two years ago and I’ll help them look for it later, yes.
A lot of us can condemn parents for using screens but as we didn’t have them we can’t definitively say.
Every generation thinks the next is worse. Anything to excess isn’t great and each generation has their equivalent of a phone/tablet.

I think good parenting, consistent age appropriate boundaries and open discussion, encouraging other activities, setting a good example etc are important. With those things in place, we haven’t really had any issues, apart from the occasional moan about needing another 10 minutes to game. I’m sure personality plays a part though, some kids are more easy going than others, have a natural tendency to respect boundaries etc whilst other kids push boundaries more and for parents of those children, keeping screen time to a reasonable level will always be harder.

DC are
7 x 2
6 x 1
5 x 1

There Is no issue at home.

the issue is school.

both 7 year olds have their “own” ipad
the 6 year old shares one between two and they announced yesterday the 5 and 6 year old would be given one next term.

scotland.

I can see the usage when I check at the end of each day ( I refuse to allow the home)

I can also see and have removed certain apps, safari, sumdog as a start.