Exacting friend and christmas gift

This incident proves two things:

1. you're lovely
2. she's an arsehole

Expend your loveliness on the people who appreciate it. She's not one of them!

Suggest to her that she might like to open the gift now so she can use it on the run up to Christmas?

Did you just miss the update where a reason had already been given? The OP can hardly give a different reason now having already sent a message to her friend saying “I need to swap her present as she won't like it and it will be inappropriate now I know her feelings on Christmas items”.

This! It might make her pause for a moment and think about how bloody rude she's been.

Next year, if you really must buy her something, ‘brand new with tags’ from Vinted.

No I don’t think it’s too late at all.
if I was told I had been given a wrapped gift in error, I’d not hesitate to give it back.
Mistakes are made easily, especially if you have a “sieve brain” like mine, and all the gifts are wrapped in the same design wrapping paper.

Bit late for that now.

Has she still not replied??

Tell her you’ve realised that you mistakenly given her the wrong gift (not a lie as it really is the wrong gift for one with her attitude), so ask for it back…
then you can either gift it to someone who you know really would love and appreciate not only the gift but your efforts, OR get your money back assuming you have the receipt, and wrap up something she can really moan about, but at least it won’t have cost you a bomb and all that unappreciated love.

I think that this is less about the specific gift and the suitability of it, and more about the fact you’ve just had a “moment” where you’ve realised she is not actually a nice person and not someone you want to go to great efforts to buy a present for.

Try and take all the positives you can from this:
You are a thoughtful person who planned and executed a lovely gift for someone. You did your best, nothing more can be done.
Your “friend” has inadvertently given you a gift - clarity.
A kind of revelation about who she really is and your true feelings for her.

Move forward in the New Year, in full honesty with yourself and maintain your boundaries. Think about what you are worth.

Its good that you messaged her regardless. It might help her to think about a few things. She’ll be squirming trying to figure out a response now.

I think most of their Christmas scents are actually just winter scents like fir tree or the literal winter candle, they’re not dressed up like a Christmas candle and could easily and happily be used during winter.

Having said that, I do understand the gripe in having very Christmassy things gifted on the day. Things you can use for the next week but after that would be a bit weird so you have to stash them away for another year.

And you never know, you may have inadvertently provoked a tiny burst of self-awareness when she opens it.

She might feel differently about a candle as opposed to other Christmas stuff. If she likes the smell, she likes the smell. Other stuff like cushions and decorations are more limited as to when they are typically used.

Don’t worry about it. Honestly don’t give it another thought. We all put so much pressure on ourselves to get friends and family the most perfect gift. The fact is sometimes we hit and sometimes we miss…. The thought was there and that’s all that’s needed. You don’t need to buy anything else! If she doesn’t like it. Tough! (But I think she will. It’s a scented candle from a brand she likes). If it was in a Father Christmas jar that’s different but it isn’t!!!

I bet she’s opened it and now she feels like a twat.

Honestly I think you are very much overthinking this. You put thought and effort into getting her something she’d like. White company candles are not “Christmas” themed. The candles are all in very plain glass jars. The smell will be really nice and not something that you only smell at Christmas! I’m a bit done personally with overthinking Christmas gifts. You’ve done your best. I a sure that she will love it. I personally love the White Company brand and would be happy with ANY scented candle from there. Leave the gift under her tree and move on. It’s the thought that counts with gift giving.

I agree with this or ask her for her gift back so you can exchange it at the white company for a non Christmas candle. Explain that following her rant the other day, you now know she’s going to hate her gift so you’ll exchange it. Make her feel the consequences and hopefully she will squirm/realise. Then exchange it for something cheaper and a wee thing for you!

Message her now and tell her to unwrap it. Explain it’s due to the earlier conversation. Then she has all week to enjoy it

tbh she does have a good point about getting Christmas themed things for christmas.

I have a december birthday, and as an adult who loves christmas themed things, i much prefer to get them for my birthday so i can enjoy them and then put them away for a year.

I'm a bit mixed with this one. On one hand, I agree with your friend that I don't like getting Christmas themed things on Xmas day as (for me, I know everyone is different) Xmas day is the end of Xmas. Also, I like to think though I'd still be grateful for a gift, I could rant about this to a close friend. I assume she's a good friend if you've saved up all year for her gift.

Yet it must have been disheartening to hear that knowing what youve got her and maybe she'll recall that conversation and feel bad when she opens your gift. I do agree though that a lovely White Company candle is a bit different to Xmas pyjamas/jumper/mug etc and hopefully your gift will be appreciated.

'I've always admired you for your kindness. I notice that you seem much more likely to take a negative slant now on people and for example when you were talking about the Christmas cushions. It makes me worry that you will be equally negative about me and our friendship. It has changed how I feel when with you. Whats going on?'