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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

387 replies

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:47

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

OP posts:
GoodQueenWenceslaus · 21/12/2025 08:55

Gallowayan · 21/12/2025 07:16

I actually agree that it's inappropriate and odd and possibly attention seeking. Why was he taking his shirt off?

Because he was changing into or out of uniform. Read the OP's posts.

grizzlyoldbear · 21/12/2025 08:55

I get it OP, and it pisses me off too. It’s men being entitled, taking up space and enjoying an audience of passive women. It's so old

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:54

gannett · 21/12/2025 08:53

We weren't talking about restaurants.

You are aware that a sports bra is a sturdy item of clothing and far from lingerie, yes? In the summer almost every female runner I see is just in a sports bra.

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Yes I expect they are running or working out.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 21/12/2025 08:53

I go to yoga classes with other middle aged women and two or three men. We'd take the piss if one of the men stood there with his top off.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 21/12/2025 08:53

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:58

@crowmate yes I agree. I would worry that he would think I was being ridiculous!

You would be absolutely right to worry about that.

tripleginandtonic · 21/12/2025 08:53

Trousers off a problem, top off not a problem.

gannett · 21/12/2025 08:53

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:49

Ah stop would ya. Bikinis and bras were never meant for day to day wear in public. You’re acting as if that’s normal. There’s many a casual restaurant that has had to introduce a tshirt requirement during summer for that exact reason. People have lost the run of themselves with their sense of entitlement. Why would I want to eat beside a topless man and a woman in a sports bra? Would you stop with your drama 😂

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We weren't talking about restaurants.

You are aware that a sports bra is a sturdy item of clothing and far from lingerie, yes? In the summer almost every female runner I see is just in a sports bra.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:51

I appreciate your feedback and have taken on board some of your opinions, which is what I was looking for in the first place. I could be over sensitive due to my past. However some of the comments here been very belittling and dismissive and remind me of how unpleasant complete strangers can be online. Thanks to everyone who has stood against those being unnecessarily rude.

OP posts:
Gallowayan · 21/12/2025 08:51

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:55

But he wasn't just changing his top. He didn't take one off and put one on. He just stood their topless.

This is key, because it becomes performative, so you then would question his motives. If he had quickly and discreetly changed shirts there would be no issue.

Also, It is pure nonsense to pretend that the context does not matter. This did not happen on a beach or at a swimming pool it was in a room filled mainly with women.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 21/12/2025 08:51

I would have said to him "You seem to have misplaced the top half of your outfit, Brian."

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:49

gannett · 21/12/2025 08:43

Trying to shame women for "immodest" dress is not a good look. Very Taliban-like.

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Ah stop would ya. Bikinis and bras were never meant for day to day wear in public. You’re acting as if that’s normal. There’s many a casual restaurant that has had to introduce a tshirt requirement during summer for that exact reason. People have lost the run of themselves with their sense of entitlement. Why would I want to eat beside a topless man and a woman in a sports bra? Would you stop with your drama 😂

Ukefluke · 21/12/2025 08:48

At a push, it was ok to quickly shuffle one top off and another on whilst discreetly facing the wall or a corner. From the description, that is not what he did, he stood about exposing his strong manly chest🤮 for longer than was necessary. So it wasnt about needing to change, it was some kind of wierd display.

It wasnt a "changing room" as such. The women dont seem to have been getting changed as its a mixed area . Presumably they used the toilets or came already in stage uniform

It was clearly a gathering / leave your stuff area, "a green room". He must have been aware of this.
Therefore it was nothing about getting changed, it was some weird getting getting off on being topless in a room of older women shit. In his sad head he was giving you a thrill. Or enjoying making people uncomfortable.
Probably some some "Christ put it away, my dinner is coming back up" comments might have burst his bubble

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:47

Charlize43 · 21/12/2025 08:42

'What Reddit is to incels, MN is to femcels...'

As a journalist friend said to me when I told them I spent time on MN...

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Fun fact, the term incel was coined by a woman.

saraclara · 21/12/2025 08:46

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 07:47

According to convention it is offensive for women to get their tits out in public, unless photographed by men for porno reasons. Men however are allowed to flash their chest with impunity. I don’t make or necessarily agree with the rules.

Edited

Womens chests include secondary sexual characteristics, part of the purpose of which is to arouse men (which is why many women wear clothing that emphasises or displays them).

Mens chests do not.

That's why there's a difference between a man standing with his top off in front of men, and a bra-less woman doing the same in front of men.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 21/12/2025 08:46

You should've gone up and flicked his moob

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:43

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 08:38

Well, I think young men and women are going to continue wearing bra tops and no tops (men) in the street in the summer and (because the young seem not to feel the cold) in the winter too. Regardless of what you or others think is appropriate. I have even seen women in bikini tops in the shopping centre. None of my business.

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I expect they will because they’re young and maybe nobody has told them how silly it looks and how inappropriate it is. Doesn’t mean we have to normalise it. That said my teenage daughter is not a fan of the topless male in
public look and thinks the boys her age who do it are idiots!

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:43

@Charlize43I am not pearl clutching. I also few up in the 70s by the way, and it would take a lot more than a man talking to me on a train or standing around with his top off for me to be traumatised!

OP posts:
gannett · 21/12/2025 08:43

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:33

Hard no. Topless or sports bra on the street is not a good look. And why would you? Put a thin vest on, it’s appropriate for being in public in hot weather

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Trying to shame women for "immodest" dress is not a good look. Very Taliban-like.

SophieJo · 21/12/2025 08:43

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:29

@GnomeDePlumethats my point! So sick of men trying to assert their male dominance in this way. He stood their for ages, right in the middle of a tightly packed room.

You are sounding more and more ridiculous. You’ve said earlier that he stood there for ages. How do you know if you just took your bag and coat and left?

Charlize43 · 21/12/2025 08:42

PInkyStarfish · 21/12/2025 08:38

One of the most ridiculous and pointless posts I have read on here!

The hatred for men by some is all consuming and so very sad.

'What Reddit is to incels, MN is to femcels...'

As a journalist friend said to me when I told them I spent time on MN...

LBFseBrom · 21/12/2025 08:42

Unless he had man boobs, I wouldn't worry.

Brenda34 · 21/12/2025 08:42

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:21

Male toplessness is not appropriate anywhere and everywhere. Claiming shit like this is why we end up with topless men randomly on the street or in Tesco. It’s not appropriate simply because it’s different from female toplessness.

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I agree - context is everything. I saw a man wearing only tiny budgie smugglers in the fruit and veg aisle in New Zealand. I gave the kiwi fruit a miss on that occasion . 🤢

TheCurious0range · 21/12/2025 08:40

He had his top off not his trousers, men really around in summer without a top on, it's really not an issue

IggysPop · 21/12/2025 08:40

RhymesWithOrange · 21/12/2025 08:27

I understand OP. It’s about men taking up too much space, attention and lacking in any kind of emotional intelligence or empathy. Personally, I would have just said “oi, Derek, put your top back on, no one wants to see that.”

Sounds like he enjoys testing women’s boundaries, always a red flag.

This exactly. I understand too OP.

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 08:38

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:33

Hard no. Topless or sports bra on the street is not a good look. And why would you? Put a thin vest on, it’s appropriate for being in public in hot weather

Show quote history

Well, I think young men and women are going to continue wearing bra tops and no tops (men) in the street in the summer and (because the young seem not to feel the cold) in the winter too. Regardless of what you or others think is appropriate. I have even seen women in bikini tops in the shopping centre. None of my business.