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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

387 replies

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:47

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

OP posts:
Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 22:11

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Orwellwasright2020 · 21/12/2025 22:08

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naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 22:08

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Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 22:06

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So were you mildly or very uncomfortable?

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 22:06

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Orwellwasright2020 · 21/12/2025 22:04

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 14:51

OMG he was in the CORNER of the room. I said in the middle without thinking about it and it was probably more a figure of speech! Also I'm not directing my trauma at anyone! I was just checking if I was being over the top. I've not been rude to anyone here despite some really grim comments from some of you. I'm NOT traumatised! I just felt a tiny bit uncomfortable and then wondered if it was reasonable behaviour. That's it!

You're being absolutely reasonable. He was in the wrong. Pretty simple really. Don't let the manpanderers and incels masquerading as women who flock to this site grind you down.

PS, anybody who attempts to start a bizarro world argument with me or pretends to be shocked and devastated by being accurately described as a manpanderer or incel will be laughed at 😘

3luckystars · 21/12/2025 22:02

I saw a man without a top on in Next yesterday, I was delighted.

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 21:59

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Thanksforyourlackofthought · 21/12/2025 21:59

SophieJo · 21/12/2025 21:21

Please please please don’t encourage her to reply!

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Just interested to know after the responses and the reflection time what the thought is.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 21/12/2025 21:37

I'm sure a woman taking her time getting changed being told she was "inviting the male gaze" the way it's being implied this man was inviting the female gaze there'd be uproar

SophieJo · 21/12/2025 21:21

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 21/12/2025 20:35

Do you feel now that it was inappropriate?

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Please please please don’t encourage her to reply!

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 21/12/2025 20:35

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 14:52

I couldn't NOT look! He was right next to where my bag was and no, it wasn't a pretty sight.

Do you feel now that it was inappropriate?

HaveYouFedTheFish · 21/12/2025 20:16

Charlize43 · 21/12/2025 16:16

Femcel is a term - perhaps you should google it (as I didn't invent it).

It's been used in the media for several years now, in a variety of ways - yes, mainly around misandry or man hating.

It's used here in The Guardian, if you need an example:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/dec/29/welcome-to-the-femosphere-the-latest-dark-toxic-corner-of-the-internet-for-women

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That article states that the term "femcel" was coined by one Loughborough university cultural studies professor and used in a single paper (and not used to mean feminist or female celibate but rather the opposite, women calling themselves "dark feminine influencers" who advocate for women using sex as currency). The article claims that "the femosphere" is a toxic equivalent to "the manosphere", and which multiple culture and gender studies academics have written about - but not that the term femcel has taken off (it doesn't even mean what the contraction implies so presumably the Dr Kay chose it to spark discussion rather than for it's accuracy...).

I've never seen a MN post suggesting a woman use sex as currency or get a sugar daddy to give her an allowance - that's what the article says femcels advocate.

Charlize43 · 21/12/2025 16:16

GlomOfNit · 21/12/2025 09:47

What an idiotic thing your friend said. Even the 'word' femcel is nonsensical. Incel is a contraction of 'involuntarily celibate' (with the further implication that women owe such men sex - this is a term used by some men to self-describe, it's not controversial!). What would 'femcel' mean? 😂

MN is one of the last public forums in the UK where women are apparently allowed to stand up for women's rights. Imagine that - letting women vocalise and advocate for their own safety and dignity! Shocking. I think your journalist friend has got that confused with unwarranted misandry. Hope this helps.

Show quote history

Femcel is a term - perhaps you should google it (as I didn't invent it).

It's been used in the media for several years now, in a variety of ways - yes, mainly around misandry or man hating.

It's used here in The Guardian, if you need an example:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/dec/29/welcome-to-the-femosphere-the-latest-dark-toxic-corner-of-the-internet-for-women

Welcome to the femosphere, the latest dark, toxic corner of the internet… for women

‘Femcel’ influencers urge their followers to give up on gender equality and use men for financial gain – in the name of feminism

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/dec/29/welcome-to-the-femosphere-the-latest-dark-toxic-corner-of-the-internet-for-women

missmollygreen · 21/12/2025 15:53

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:05

@PricelessadviceI'm not being ridiculous. What may be true though is that I have suffered most kinds of male abuse over the years and I can't tolerate this kind of low level shitty behaviour that absolutely doesn't need to happen.

You are being ridiculous. And you should not post in AIBU if you are not prepared for people telling you that you are being unreasonable.

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 15:35

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 15:33

Turn your back?

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Or leave the packed tiny room?

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 15:33

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 14:52

I couldn't NOT look! He was right next to where my bag was and no, it wasn't a pretty sight.

Turn your back?

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 15:32

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 14:51

OMG he was in the CORNER of the room. I said in the middle without thinking about it and it was probably more a figure of speech! Also I'm not directing my trauma at anyone! I was just checking if I was being over the top. I've not been rude to anyone here despite some really grim comments from some of you. I'm NOT traumatised! I just felt a tiny bit uncomfortable and then wondered if it was reasonable behaviour. That's it!

Your first post states you were very uncomfortable, and the corner of the room.

Then it’s the middle and a tiny bit uncomfortable.

You keep changing the situation, which is odd.

Is the tiny bit uncomfortable another mistake?

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 21/12/2025 15:04

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 21/12/2025 13:29

The gaslighters are always first on these threads OP.

He was trying to impose himself and you already know that. Trust yourself and don't pay attention to the resident handmaidens.

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Handmaidens is used to shut women up the same as Karen is

It should be considered an insult the same

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 21/12/2025 15:03

You knew he was taking ages, you were looking

Some people are so sensitive

He was just changing his top

He wasn't posturing or posing

Men existing isn't them trying to assume they own a room

MN is ridiculous at times

ednaclouda · 21/12/2025 15:03

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:55

But he wasn't just changing his top. He didn't take one off and put one on. He just stood their topless.

just turn your back then

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 21/12/2025 15:00

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:43

I expect they will because they’re young and maybe nobody has told them how silly it looks and how inappropriate it is. Doesn’t mean we have to normalise it. That said my teenage daughter is not a fan of the topless male in
public look and thinks the boys her age who do it are idiots!

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100 years ago a woman in trousers would be called silly and inappropriate

Times change

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 14:52

I couldn't NOT look! He was right next to where my bag was and no, it wasn't a pretty sight.

OP posts:
Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 14:51

OMG he was in the CORNER of the room. I said in the middle without thinking about it and it was probably more a figure of speech! Also I'm not directing my trauma at anyone! I was just checking if I was being over the top. I've not been rude to anyone here despite some really grim comments from some of you. I'm NOT traumatised! I just felt a tiny bit uncomfortable and then wondered if it was reasonable behaviour. That's it!

OP posts:
Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 14:02

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 21/12/2025 13:29

The gaslighters are always first on these threads OP.

He was trying to impose himself and you already know that. Trust yourself and don't pay attention to the resident handmaidens.

Show quote history

Gaslighters?

Where?